Rate: M

Genre: Angst / Darkfic / One-Shot

Warnings: Man x Man / Lime / Madness

Disclaimer: I own nothing of DRAMAtical Murder.

Summary: Thoughts of Shiroba after the BAD END. A little drabble again, I suppose.

Break Me

Koujaku x Shiroba

I break people as I please, leave them unmoving and broken - left and right, destroying it all – but something feels empty. Why? Destruction was all I ever wanted, all I ever cared about, all I needed. Well,... except for one thing or to be precise - person.

"Koujaku..." I whisper softly, my gaze searching the deep shadows through the bars of his prison, letting my hand glide over the cold steel.

I hear the clanking noise of handcuffs, thick chains and then a low growl like a beast´s. A smile dances lightly on my lips as I open the door with a creaking sound, letting it shut closed behind me. I look into the deepest shadow and see red, glowing eyes pierce me with... - what? Contempt? Disgust? Hatred? Despair? Perhaps... Lust?

A chuckle escapes me as I see those emotions within his eyes. It does not matter how much he wishes I was the other me. That one won´t ever come back after all and that one never had him in his arms, unlike me. I walk forward watching my beloved beast as it growls and snarls and even tries to bite me the moment I get close. An anticipating shiver runs through my body and I smile serenely.

My white fingertips touch his face gently, wandering down on it along his jaw, then down his neck, to finally stop and rest on his bare chest. I automatically kneel down while doing so and am on the same eye level as him now. His growl gets even more threatening and a heat rises within me as I pull him into an embrace.

"It´s alright, Koujaku. It´s just me. You remember me, don´t you?"

A sharp hiss is heard and then a rasped voice, barely audible: "Ao-ba..."

I smirk now, stroking his red, long hair in approval and praise. What a good boy he is.

"Yes, that´s right. It´s me. I love you Koujaku," I coo and place a butterfly kiss on his shoulder, while he bites into my neck – drawing blood.

I gasp in pleasure, surprised at the sudden pain and chuckle darkly.

"Impatient, are we? Fine, fine. Have it your way today, my lovely beast."

I loose his chains a bit, so we can move more freely and he immediately pushes me down with his body onto the cold, damp floor. Moans escape me as he continues to bite me and seconds later licks over the wounds apologetically. I know he is sorry for every wound he inflicts upon me, because the old Koujaku, even if weak, still remains somewhat inside him. I can see them switch ever so often and slightly in his eyes: the ravaging beast, which seeks to destroy me, eat me alive and the gentle, passionate man, who so loved my other me.

But I love the beast. The creature solely living on instinct and I would wish for nothing more than to be devoured by him – being a part of him forever. Yes, I destroy and break, but in truth have I only searched for someone to let me fall apart instead. Someone to rip me to shreds and make me vanish. On the other hand can it not be someone weaker than myself. That would be too simple and boring. I want excitement, ecstasy, absolute nothingness and annihilation in its entirety!

I giggle as Koujaku licks over yet another wound and kiss him softly on the cheek.

"Go ahead, my love. Eat me. Ravage me. Tear me apart. Rip me into pieces. Please..."I beg him, as I go down on his hot, pulsating member, letting it pierce my body and make it rip my entrance in the process. Hot, fresh blood streams down my legs in thin rivulets and I shut my eyes, relishing in the feeling of pain and heat.

As usual did I not wear anything under my robes that could protect my most intimate parts, so it was easy for me to just let him enter me. I never want to lose any precious time when I´m with Koujaku after all.

As we enjoy ourselves my mind wanders off, far away and only then, for split seconds, can I feel the other me weakly emerge from my depth. I feel his pain, distress and despair every time Koujaku and I do this and in the end do I always push him back again, having tears stream down my cheeks as a response to the emotions of "me." It is then that I truly wish to be broken, to be torn apart into shreds, disappear into oblivion like morning mist.

Maybe all of it actually springs from that one. This desire of destruction – not of others, but myself. I know what I can do, I know how many lives I´ve already destroyed, I know the guilt which "I" feel. It may be odd, but deep down do I want to repent, to forget and stop existing. I have long gone mad, I know that, and yet do I continue this farce of a life and drag the one person most important to me with me into that mad hell of self-destruction.

I am cruel, selfish, an egoist and nothing short of a big asshole, but all I show to the world is bliss. If I would not show this facade would I break. I want to be broken, but for some reason can I not break myself. So, until I can must someone else do that for me. Because of that I wait, wait for the day Koujaku is nothing more than a mindless, raging beast, able to break me. I know that day will come and that it is not even far off.

As I lie panting on the stone floor, spent and exhausted, bleeding over the whole place – I smile and caress my beloveds cheek, who growls yet again, but tamer and with a tinge of sadness.

"Break me, Koujaku...," I sigh as I slip off into sleep, my eyes falling shut as I fall into the mindless realm of dreams and the beast above me weeps...

"Ao-ba..."

End