Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Tolkien to whom I admire much. This is only fanfiction without lucrative purposes.
Author's Note: Hello there! Well… first I must say that English isn't my mother language. This written is a part of my practice, so forgive the mistakes! If you see one, please, let me know, it will help me to improve my speech. Usually I'm better reading and making translations.
Besides, Gwindor is one of my favorite characters and I wanted to try to write something about him. I hope you like it.
To the Gleam of the Sun on the Pools of Ivrin.
My queen Finduilas, please forgive me. Forgive me for any pain I have caused you.
Now I'm letting you go.
Because your wishes are my orders.
I comprehend how are you feeling, because you always have been a queen to me and it would be the same if you were not the daughter of the King Orodreth, but I understand that you do not want to be that person and reign upon my heart because nobody wants to governate in a wilderness land, in a fallen kingdom nor in an empty place as my heart does in this tired hröa.
You mean everything to me. You were my light, my hopes and my reasons to continue this miserable existence. Now you are the price that I must pay for have being who caused the ruin in the Nirnaeth Arnoediad. If I had taken control of my emotions, I would not have rush towards the lines of Orcs against the orders that were given to me, but I saw how my beloved brother was murdered after being tortured in horrible and disastrous forms and I just could not stay quiet. That simple decision costed me my life… But was my heart who took that decision… and now I know this is the true value of the brotherhood. You cannot imagine how much I miss my brother. If only he were here this pain would be more bearable. But he's not here but his memory and I don't know what hurts more.
Trying to not think about it and not to look the past I see the present. The only thing I can see is that the time is over and your heart are so far away from mine. A great wall divide us and you have given the padlock's key of the gate to Túrin who has the strength, vigor and youth to push it to enter and I… I only have broken bones and empty veins.
I didn't do things well. I could not save my brother, could not win the war, Fingon died and in the end, all was a sad tragedy. Such an end took a place in my dreams, became them into the worst nightmares and nevertheless in the middle of them your memory was always my light. So many years you were my estel. You were the end of my path, the place where I could find peace. Eru knows that even in my anguish I did my best to return to you, Faelivrin. In Angband I thought of you so many times and after shouting of pain and despair, your name was the only word that I did not forget how to pronounce. Your name was the only pray I knew to speak with Eru. Everything else was lost for me.
It took me too long. I was too late. I came here only to discover I was completely alone. I not blame you, because when our meeting held, you didn't know it too. We did not realize about the solitude in our hearts. We were too blind to see our own misfortune.
A sickness runs into our fëa.
And Túrin is your cure.
And you are his cure.
And he is my death.
Yet I still breath.
But not for too long.
Because this is my fate. And I hate Morgoth. I hate the fact that I was only a tool for him to fulfill part of his curse towards Húrin.
Forgive me, my lady, for not being able to say you this words, but I stay silent to not to cause you more harm. Because I know this words would be taken as a recrimination and not an explanation. I don't want that.
Forgive me for not to change my life, for not to look at the future with more hope.
Inside of me there's only left two things. My hate for Morgoth and my love for you.
Please, forgive me.
My hatred is gaining.