Updated as of 6/30/13.
Leah Clearwater remembers the first time she cried in front of Sam Uley. Her hair was disgusting and oily and snot was dribbling out of her nose and she was breathing in raggedly, and she had never felt more pathetic in her entire life.
Sam held Leah, told her that there are other colleges, other places she will go. Leah doesn't need NYU. She'll go farther than that. She's going to conquer the whole entire world, piece by piece. Leah will leave her mark, and if NYU doesn't want her, screw them. Screw the whole world. They're all idiots and Leah's amazing and beautiful and wonderful and God, Sam loves her so much, so so much, and Don't you ever think you're not good enough and I love you I love you IloveyouIloveyou, Never forget how much I love you...
Leah remembers thinking afterwards that she doesn't care anymore that NYU doesn't want her. Sam wants her - Sam will always want her, and that's enough.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers Sam's spot. That spot that would drive him insane, push him off the final brink. It's right above his collarbone, and whenever she licked or bit it, Sam would always shudder with pleasure and beg her for more. He pleaded, "Don't stop, Lee-lee, don't ever stop, I love you, c'mon, keep going."
She wonders if Emily knows about that spot.
Then she goes out and gets absolutely shit-faced, gets so intoxicated that she can't remember her own name.
Just kidding. Werewolves can't get drunk, remember?
She can't forget, not even for one pathetic night.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers laying down in seas of green grass, feeling so fresh and alive that she wants to cry. Sam's there, of course. Sam's always there.
They lay down in the meadow, and Sam's fingers play with Leah's hair.
They talk, about everything and nothing, and Leah looks at Sam and watches his lips move. It thrills her to know that these words are for her only - they'll always belong to her.
Leah looks at Sam and she knows they'll be together forever.
After all, they R IN LUV.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers her squeaky windows.
Sam used to come in through them all the time, in the middle of the night, and she'd scold him without any heat, and he'd just laugh and crawl into her bed and press their foreheads together.
Sam would hold Leah's face in his hands, and they would breathe each other in.
"Look at me," Sam would whisper, and Leah did, because she would do anything Sam asked her to. His eyes were always glittering a little too brightly, but Leah loved him for it. His eyes were always brown and home and safe and they were always filled with hopes and dreams and promises.
Until the day that Sam looked at Leah with pity. Then, feigned indifference. Then revulsion - revulsion at what Leah has become, at what the girl who was once his everything has made of herself.
Nowadays, Sam doesn't look at Leah at all.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers staying up late.
Her and Sam would be cramming for a test together - because they did everything together - and she'd look up at Sam and he'd already be staring at her.
They'd stay that way for hours - listening to the sound of each other's thoughts.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers discovering Sam for the first time. When everything was so new and foreign and exhilarating.
She doesn't think she ever came down from that cloud.
Not really.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers fighting with Sam. She remembers how mad they both would get, how blinded they were by rage, how they'd scream "You're not listening, you never listen, Goddamnit, you don't understand me at all, you never understand! Get out of my life, I hate you!"
One of them would always end up crying and cursing and alone.
But everything all would end up okay, because they loved each other. Because they could kiss and make up and take away each other's pain.
Because they loved each other, and they loved each other, and they loved each other so fucking much that it hurt.
And because they loved each other, everything was bound to work out. Everything had to work out. Everything would turn out to be deliciously perfect.
God, they were so young and stupid.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers Sam's soothing voice.
"Don't worry, Lee-Lee. They don't control me. They'll never control me. I love you. We'll make it work, you and I. I love you. I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry, God, you have no idea how much I hate being...this. Turning into a monster. Please, we can get through this. I'm love you. We can make this work, I promise, Lee-Lee. I'm so in love with you. I'll control my shifting, I promise I'll never hurt you, we can make it through it and I love you. I don't give a fuck about what old Quil and the other council members think and I love you." He was so scared of what he had become and his eyes were leaking, but he stayed strong for Leah.
She cried and sniffled and believed him.
Leah Clearwater would have done anything for Sam Uley.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers her and Sam honestly trying to get through this.
It was working. It wasn't perfect, but they were getting there.
Leah just has to remember not to upset Sam. She can't get him angry, because if he gets angry... Leah doesn't like thinking about it.
Sam's a little quieter and more serious, and Leah tries desperately to fill the silence with her kisses and pure love for him, and for a while, it works.
She actually thinks that her and Sam will be perfect again, like they used to.
Then it all goes straight to hell.
...
Leah Clearwater remembers.
But God, how she wishes she doesn't.
…
Thanks for reading! If possible, please drop a review to let me know how I did. Every single one means so much.
Ugh, I just love Leah so much... So much angst...
I'm really hungry right now. I would enjoy a waffle.