"You look horrible Tony," she told him watching as he sat at his desk.
"Who cares." he said not looking at her
"How have you been?" Ziva asked.
"Fine I guess" Tony replied.
"I know you miss him," Ziva said looking over to what was McGee's desk.
"Of course i miss him." Tony retorted.
"We all miss him Tony" Ziva told him sadly.
"I never saw the gun, I didn't know he had one, until Tim ran infront of me taking the bullet. I feel so guilty if I knew he had a gun I would have shot him. But I didn't and now Tim's dead because of me, it's my fault. That bullet was meant for me not Tim, I'm the agent he wanted to kill not Tim, not Tim. I should have been the one to die not Tim, Me, me. It should have been me Ziva it have been me!" Tony told her crying.
"You shouldn't blame yourself Tony, so you didn't know he had a gun. That doesn't make your fault, you made a mistake you're allowed to. And nobody knew he was expecting us to show up that day. To be honest nobody but McGee saw the gun, not even Gibbs. And McGee saw that he pointed the gun at you, he saved your life without thinking of his own. And in my opinion that proved he loved you unselfishly. And that's the greatest type of love there is." Ziva said walking to stand infront of Tony's desk laying her hand on his when she arrived. Tony didn't say anything just stared at her. "Abby told me to tell you to go down to her lab when you got in this morning." Ziva said sitting at her own desk.
"Thanks," Tony mumbled getting up. When he arrived in Abby's lab music was blasting as usual but it was a softer more sad type, Abby hugged him not wanting to let him go. Tony hugged her back, "It was all over quickly, he didn't feel that much pain" Abby said and tony remembered them being the words the doctor said and that made Tony cry as he shook his head against Abby's shoulder. "How couldn't he have felt that much pain? they brought him back only for him to die ten minutes later. He asked me to give you something in case he ever died doing this job." Abby said grabbing a plain package with Tony's name written on it, in what Tony knew was McGee's hand writing. She handed Tony the package.
"Whats in here?" Tony asked turning it over in his hands
"I have no idea, he wouldnt tell me" Abby said shurgging.
"Thanks I'll open it when I get home" Tony retorted leaving the lab. Tony walked into the bullpen and placed the package gently on his desk "Why did you come to work today Tony? Gibbs said you could have two weeks. You only used three days" Ziva asked.
"I couldnt be there all day without him" Tony replied sadly.
"I'll help you pack up his things if you want me to when your ready" Ziva offered.
"I dont think I'll ever be ready, I feel that if I pack away his stuff, I'll lose his memory. I sat there for two hours yesterday staring at his typewriter remembering all the times I would sit there watching him write. But I forced myself to look away. Staring at the wall instead but that didn't work, I just remembered the time that we painted and he put the pale yellow paint on my face with his paint brush and he started laughing so hard it hurt his sides. And I stuck my hand in the paint and slid it down his face. Then we chased each other around the apartment trying to paint each other. We knew we were acting like children but we were having to much fun to care." Tony said with a sad smile.
"Tony your not going to lose his memory by packing away his stuff. Honestly I don't think you ever will" Ziva told him typing on her computer.
The day went by fast, too fast for tony who didn't want to return home. Tony walked into his apartment, it was quiet almost painfully so. Tony sat on his couch and opened the package. He pulled out a handwritten letter and unfolded it setting it down on the couch beside him. Then he pulled out a dvd and put it on the other side of him, before picking the letter back up to read it.
"Dear Tony if your reading this then you know I died from the work that we do. How? I don't know becuuse I can't tell how I'm gonna die. But I was hoping it would be old age but I guess not. I want you to know that during my life I would have given anything if it meant you were safe, I would have even died for you. Enclosed is my final goodbye to you." Tony read his eye's watering. Tony put the dvd in and hit play when it came on he heard the song 'cant smile without you' playing in the backround. And saw McGee sitting in his writing chair wearing a suit and a striped tie, Tony rememered giving him as an anniversary gift for their one year anniversary.
"Hey Tony your out getting some food right now. It's our three year anniversary today and I decided to do this today. I also wrote you a letter for after I died if I died on the job. You have to miss me alot and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for everytime I annoyed you. I know that was often and you still put up with me. Then again you annoyed me to sometimes too. I wanted to say thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you Tony alot more then anything else and I can't believe you love me too. I'm doing this as a goodbye; my last one to you. I want you to be happy Tony. Take care of yourself for me okay? Bye Tony." McGee said as the video went black. Tony wiped away his tears, before he went to bed for the night. He was taking the day off of work tomorrow.
The next day Tony headed to where McGee was buried. He stopped infront of his headstone, that read beloved son, Brother, Friend, Writer,And lover. You'll never be forgotten. "I'm mad at you for leaving me, I'm mad that you jumped infront of that bullet. I miss you so much Tim, I got your letter and dvd yesterday they made me cry, I can't believe that you made that dvd almost three years ago Tim. I love you and I'll try to be happy again I promise but it's too soon right now. I'll join you someday so wait for me okay. I want you to know right now I'll never love anybody as much as I loved you." Tony said walking away.
Ten years later Tony passed away peacefully in his sleep. And as he promised he never did love anybody as much as McGee. And he met McGee again on the other side.