Before you read this! Picture Levi in a flowing blue gown... Then imagine Eren with big eyes singing about killing titans.
Do you wanna kill a titan? It doesn't have to be a big one!
Go away Jaeger.
Aye aye...
Ha! Another Crack!fic. The title explains everything, but hey, if you like this, go read EDPUNZEL. And because I'm a lazy little shit, I only have three ares named after the walls- yes this is wrong there are districts- but hey, its a crack fic.
There once was a story of two brothers.
Of course no fairy tail would be complete without singing and for some reason there were these guys out getting ice singing a song about it. Crazy right? I mean, what kind of guy goes out and sings a merry little toon? But among all these men, there was a young girl who didn't have a home but for some reason tagged along with these guys as if it was her job.
Anyway, it was the kingdom of Maria that was ruled over a king, some called him King Eyebrows, but his real name was King Erwin and he had two sons, Levi and Eren. Eren was the youngest and had hopes and dreams and was the only person that could break Levi out of his shell. But there was something that made Levi the way he was.
It was magic. Special magic that over time changed his dark hair into white as snow, and gave him the ability to create ice and snow. Eren loved his older brother and even the hottest days were full of snowball fights and sled rides.
Eren on the other hand was a normal little boy with nothing out of the ordinary except his occasionally loud voice and an attitude that made him seem dumber than he actually was. Levi actually told the king one day that if they ever got attacked, Eren would be the only idiot running head first into battle with nothing but his fists and his thick skull.
It was late one night and Eren was wide awake, across the room was his older brother, asleep most likely. With anticipation building in his stomach, he eagerly climbed onto Levi's bed.
"Levi! Levi wake up!"
"Get off. You're wrinkling my sheets." Levi mumbled almost kicking him off the bed.
"The sky's awake! So I'm awake! So we have to play!" Eren said dramatically flopping on Levi.
"Go play by yourself. But pick your damn toys up off my side of the room this time." Levi pushed Eren off and Eren sat on the cold hardwood floor briefly before an idea came to mind. Eren picked himself up and opened one of Levi's eyes.
"Do you wanna build a snowman?"
"No." Levi pushed Eren off again and rolled over.
Huffing in irritation at being rejected again Eren did the only thing he could. He went to the closet and pulled out clothes throwing them everywhere along the floor, he grabbed toys and threw them out and he could've sworn the room became colder by ten degrees so he looked over to find the cold glare of his brother.
"You have three seconds to clean this mess before I freeze you into a block." Levi growled.
"Ha! Catch me if you can!" Eren ran off down the hallway but Levi was hot on his feet.
"Damnit Eren! I just cleaned everything in there!" Levi called after Eren.
They got to the ballroom and Eren was trapped. Levi clapped his hands softly and made a glowing blue snowball appear in hand. "You are dead."
"Catch me first." Eren taunted.
Levi smirked ever so slightly and missed on purpose, the snowball hitting the wall and freezing it, snow coming from the ceiling to the floor quickly creating mounds of snow, and lastly, he stomped his foot and the floor became ice.
"This is amazing!" Eren exclaimed as he watched it before his very eyes.
"So. About that snowman..." Levi made a snowman appear. "Go sit in the chair and make a face." Eren complied giggling all the way. Levi sculpted a rather feminine face and felt proud.
He spun it around and Eren laughed. "Wait! Here!" Eren went to the table and grabbed the king's reading glasses that fit perfectly on the snowman.
"Hi I'm Hanji and I like weird shits like you!" Levi said in a funny voice.
"I love you Hanji!" Eren giggled.
The two spent most of the evening ice skating and playing until Eren started a snowball fight.
"Snowball!" Eren yelled throwing one, hitting Levi square in the face before hiding behind a mountain of snow.
"You'll pay for that!" Levi grabbed a snowball and ran after Eren, throwing it missing by only a centimeter.
"Ha ha missed me!" Eren taunted.
Levi became displeased with himself and wasn't thinking. He formed another snowball in his hand that was full of magic, he threw it angrily at Eren and hit him in the head, the blue hue of magic flashed and disappeared in a second and Levi instantly knew he made a mistake. He ran over to Eren just as part of Ere's brown hair turned white and Levi touched it briefly before yelling.
"Hey! Someone! Anyone! Eren needs help!"
Suddenly King Erwin burst in seeing Eren and he instantly had a good idea what happened. "Damnit Levi." He cursed softly before scooping Eren up.
The three of them got on a horse and travelled into the deep woods, the king knowing of someone who could help. Levi felt bad, he really did, but at the same time it was Eren's fault for taunting him so Eren was the one to blame here.
They passed an opening and Levi briefly caught glimpse of a girl and a reindeer, the two locked eyes for a second and already there was tension. But out of curiosity, the girl followed.
They stopped at a rather large rocky area and the king looked around. "I need help! Eren got hurt!"
The rocks rolled and opened up surprised by the king's appearance. "It's the king..." Some of them murmured.
One rock in particular came up to them to reveal a young looking rock with hair that created a bowl around his face. Erwin recognized this one as the all-knowing leader of the trolls, Armin.
In the back, the girl and her nosy reindeer were looking from a distance when a troll popped up noticing the two of them. "Awe how cute! I'm gonna keep you!"
"Let me see him." Armin reached out and touched Eren. "I read about this. All I need to do is heal the head but I got to take the magic memories away. Don't worry, I'll leave the fun." Armin promised healing Eren.
"So wait, he wont remember I have powers?" Levi confirmed.
"Levi, your magic is strong and it's growing stronger. People will see the power you possess and love you, even adore you for it. But beware. If you let that power control you and if you let your anger drive you, people will begin to fear and even want to kill you for it."
"Tch." Levi scoffed. "I would love to see them try. They'd shit themselves once they see what I could do."
"That's not the point. The point is you should learn to control yourself and not hit Eren with magic ever again." Erwin pointed out. "Until then, you two are getting separate rooms-"
"Finally, I will be able to walk in the room without almost killing myself." Levi interrupted.
"And you will learn control."
And so immediately, Levi got his own room and stayed away from Eren, much to Eren's confusion. But everyday, Eren would ask to play and everyday he would be told almost the same thing. Some days it was 'No' other days it was 'Fuck off' and even once he told him to 'Go make yourself useful somewhere else' and Eren never understood why.
Over the years, Levi started wearing gloves and the king thought it was brilliant, perhaps that would control the power! And Levi let him think that, in reality, the new room was dusty and until Levi got it spotless, he wasn't touching anything. But it actually did prove to help so Levi never did take them off.
When Eren turned 16, he remembered vividly seeing Erwin for the last time. The king had gotten on a boat to go conduct trade else ware, but a storm over the sea had killed him and his men aboard. The funeral was depressing and Eren saw a troll in the distance, even the troll looked to be mourning.
When Eren got back to the castle, he was a bottle of emotions. Anger that Levi didn't attend their own father's funeral, sad that their father died, confused, alone but mostly, hopeful. Maybe now Levi would at least talk to him...
"Levi?" Eren asked knocking. "Please, I know you're in there, people were asking where you've been-"
"It's none of their business and my business is none of yours, go away Eren!" Levi demanded. He was full of emotions too. Sad, a tiny bit scared, hopeless and angry. Angry that this had happened. Angry that so many lives were taken that day due to a stupid storm, angry that through those many lives, no one bothered to mourn the other people besides the king. They were people too. At this point, the magic had manifested his room into a frozen mess...
A few years had passed, Eren was now 18 and Levi was 21, and today was the day of Levi's coronation.
To say Eren was excited was an understatement. He was thrilled to be able to meet new people! Just think, he wouldn't be alone anymore!
Dressing quickly, the teen ran around the castle watching all of the servants prepare everything before he ran outside, the sun warming him in his gorgeous green shirt and white dress pants.
"I can't believe it's today!" Eren exclaimed to no one in particular. He waited for Levi to give the word and after what felt like an eternity, Levi did. Eren looked back to the castle as the gated opened, he couldn't miss his brother standing there high above everyone without a care in the world...
In reality Levi was up there silently judging everyone. "You're dirty... you need a fucking haircut... it's called perfume not bath water I can smell you from here."
Eren started to walk but bumped into someone and quickly apologized to the woman in the purple dress. "I'm sorry ma'am-"
"I'M A BOY!" Eren jumped back. He took in the sight of an angered looking boy in a purple dress with short choppy brown hair, like he cut it himself and was trying to pull it off as a fashion statement. Next to him stood a normal looking guy and... a suit of armor.
"Sorry. This is Edpunzel and I'm Roy." Eren nodded slightly in worry for the boy in the dress he pointed silently more than confused as to why Ed was wearing a dress but Ed took it the wrong way.
"Oh that's Al. Don't worry. He won't bite." Ed promised.
"No... he'll just stick that cold finger in your ear." Roy mumbled.
"Hey. If he didn't wake you up we woulda been late. Now come on." Ed walked past Eren and Roy and Al followed suit leaving Eren wondering if opening the gates was such a good idea...
But hey, maybe everyone wasn't as weird as them right?
He went to the docks which he hadn't been to in ages. Since he was a little kid actually. It was kind of depressing to be locked behind those walls. What were they trying to protect him from anyway? Eren was brave. He'd fight anyone who got in his way.
Eren didn't notice the woman on the horse, and ended up running into her almost getting knocked into the ocean if it wasn't for her grabbing his hand at the last possible minute.
"Hey!" Eren exclaimed looking up to the blonde who looked rather unamused.
"You need to watch where you're going." She stated simply.
"Oh... well... I'm sorry ms...?"
"I'm Annie of providence Rose." She replied pulling him back up. So she was royalty too?
"Oh. Well, I'm Eren of Maria!" Eren smiled kindly.
"I see." Annie replied seeming not to care. It reminded Eren of Levi just in a girl's body.
"Well, I should probably get back anyway..." Eren cleared his throat. So far, today was weirder than he would've imagined, but he wouldn't let it get to him. It was a good day and a few oddballs weren't going to ruin anything!
So, depending on popularity, I will update. DON'T FORGET EDPUNZEL!