Show me an open door
The pitter-patter of the rain against the car's windows accompanied Regina's thoughts as she speeded through yet another curve. The silver lines the streams of the droplets painted on the black chassis were reflected on the dark road in where the flashes of the headlights bite, trying to move the car forward through the storm.
Regina's fingers felt stiff on the steering wheel, the muscles on her neck equally rigid as she kept on driving. At her side a small map was open and the echo of a voice seemed to resonate inside the car "So is this a stakeout?" Sighing inwardly, the regal woman eyed the open phone next to the map in where several lost calls could be seen, flashing angrily their colors as she blaringly dismissed them all. Next to the calls was a message she could feel her eyes lingering on, the name of who had sent it flashing, black against white.
"I need to go."
Wincing, the brunette bit back her thoughts and turned the wheel once again, Boston appearing in front of her, twinkling lights answering to her angry eyes as the gnawing doubt that had been eating her through the entire trip kept on nibbling her insides, piercing through her lungs." What if she is not here?"
The message had been sent two days ago, two days that she had lost on discussions that hadn't really shed any light on what had happened anymore than if she hadn't been doing a thing. After a particular harsh discussion with the pirate -drunken accusations and warm alcohol tossed on the mix- she had finally picked up a map and crossed the town's line, the dullness she usually felt when being stripped out of her magic never dismissing her intent on reaching Boston.
If she wasn't there, she thought with a nod, one that shot a trail of pain through her neck, her muscles protesting, she would keep on searching. No matter what. The thought was made almost feverishly and she knew she could very well sleep a little but as the car kept on approaching Boston she knew she really couldn't do that.
Emma had left Storybrooke with nothing but a note, a similar one being left behind for Henry to find, quickly tucked beneath his pillow. She hadn't said a thing to Hook or the Charmings and even if the first had caused a small smirk being drawn on Regina's lips, the realization of Emma's departure had been enough to erase that as well as nothing else but a sudden pain installing itself on the back of her throat. Emma was gone.
If they were being honest Emma had been gone for a lot longer than the two days she had already been missing. That, however, was something Regina found herself unwilling to think about, not when every time she did that thoughts of a wedding and Emma's soulless eyes appeared on her mind's eye.
Turning into the first bifurcation inside the city, she thought again on what Henry had told her about the blonde's former apartment; on her door, on the almost too practical and not lived at all apartment. She thought on her own words, the ones she had uttered a few weeks after the Black Fairy had been defeated and the sight of Emma on the pavement didn't cause her nightmare upon nightmare.
"I thought I was going to lose you."
The words had exploded inside her mouth, spilling out of her as she played with the stem of a too empty glass. Emma had stared at her, at the other side of a wooden table courtesy of Aesop. She hadn't replied, not right away, but she had swallowed, the muscles on her neck bulging beneath the warm light of the place, drawing lines Regina could feel her fingers itching for. That night, when Regina had tried to look again at the blonde, everything she had got had been pale and firmly set lips and a frown, a touch of loss painting dark on green irises.
And now Emma was gone.
The rain hadn't stop by the time she approached the apartment complex she hoped would still be there after so long. It was and so she exited the car, her right hand trembling in a too used spell that didn't work; droplets soaking through her clothes as she, nevertheless, approached the main door remembering suddenly all too well the first night she had ever seen the blonde woman, a shy Hi tremulously escaping those same pale lips she now hoped would be there, at the other side of a closed door.
The stairs smelled of cooling food and dirty laundry and the impersonal light shed shadows at her back every time she turned yet another stair. She, however, didn't relent.
The door was the same, she denoted, knocking twice as she steeled herself.
She hadn't thought on what she was going to say, hadn't thought on what she even had to say. When Emma's eyes were the ones that answered, however, Regina could feel hot anger blazing through her body, burning her fingertips in where a fireball would have, otherwise, already be burning.
"You left." She said through gritted teeth at the same moment "You found me" escaped the other woman's mouth.
She looked gorgeous, Regina realized, a part of the woman she had once been shining through her the tension on her muscles, on the way her right hand gripped on the door's frame, a hand in where a ring was notoriously absent.
It could be easy to sit back on the convoluted maze of silence and whispers they had gotten used to use in front of each other. To return to the longing and regret. Regina, however, could feel the strings on her wrists, linking her to the woman's, taut and about to cut her, tearing her apart. The magic was dormant but there was still a swirl of something, of yet another something, growing impatient. Closing her eyes, taking a deep breath, she stood as tall as she was, focusing herself on the lines around the blonde's eyes, on the way they narrowed as silence stretched between them both.
"Why?"
The question came in a small puff of air, one that didn't fill the space between them, that fell between Regina open hands, dribbling between her fingers where it glared at her before dissolving into nothingness.
"Why you left?"
Emma stared at her, gold framing her face as she closed her right hand into a fist, tendons and nerves tightening. "I needed to."
The easy way out was silence but Regina didn't let that linger, didn't want to and for that she focused on the ring that wasn't there, on the mark, small, faint, so faint, that circled the younger woman's finger. She could feel Emma's energy coming out of her in faint pulses and she focused on those as well, on the words she had thought on saying back at the car, when she had been feeding herself with anger and disappointment, when the name "Henry" had been her go-to; her lungs hurt and so she cleared her throat, taking a step inwards the apartment, noticing how quickly the other woman yielded.
She needed this, she realized, the closing book, an epilogue she hadn't though it would never arrive. That she had never wished for. The atmosphere was thick and Hook's words resounded once again inside of her, the ones she had tried to not think about;
"What would you do, Your Majesty? Kiss her until she relents? That's what you have wanted to do for too long, isn't it? Perhaps I should have told her to do so so you could have leave us alone"
Had Emma really don't know? The question came to her as she pinned Emma down to the wall, the main door closing at her back as she did so. Had Emma been oblivious? Had Emma…
"Just tell me why." She found herself saying and this time the words were out with enough force to reach the other side, eliciting a small shudder on Emma, one Regina saw through the corner of her eyes as she did her best to not stare at the blonde's eyes.
"Regina…"
"Did you think on Henry? On your parents? Did you think they wouldn't care?"
Did you think I wouldn't?
"I left notes."
"Not enough."
Emma's nostrils flared, anger replacing the bland look that had been present on her eyes, mixed with fear and surprise. The anger cleared the black and returned the green to the pristine glow that Regina could still remember from years ago, scorching hot. There wasn't any magic there, not an ounce of power, and yet she could feel the strings of it tightening on her wrists, around her body, writing the letters of the words Emma would never say, would never ask about.
"For whom?"
Regina took a small step backwards, suddenly dumbfounded.
"Emma…" It was her turn to halt, not knowing how far the younger woman wanted her to go. The former sheriff, however, took that opportunity to take the step Regina had lost, her body towering over Regina who rose her chin, feeling the prickling sensation of the woman's eyes on hers.
"I needed time."
"For what?" Regina bit back, a plea hidden beneath her words, a warning laced on them as well.
They could stop there, like many times they had before, stares and silences and words almost uttered but never said. They could stop there and nothing would be harmed. This time, however, they were too far gone and Regina knew she needed an out, an explanation, something, anything, so she could move away from the blonde without bursting in flames.
Like she had done the day of the wedding, and every day after that.
"I just needed time." Emma's voice woke her up, bringing her stare back at the blonde's, the flecks of blue darkening beneath her gaze. Another plea, one she needed to take, one she should take.
She didn't.
"Why?"
But Emma didn't answer and so they both stood there, millimeters apart, breathing in the same dark air, fingers itching, tingling until Regina let out a small snarky hum before turning towards the door.
"I will come back." She said over her shoulder and as much as the words pained her, as much as the strings were taut on her wrists again, climbing up her neck, lacing around her throat. She knew that they were true. As Emma knew.
The door closed behind her, hurt ebbing away the second Regina felt strong fingers around her hands, cutting the invisible bands, cold yet soft lips pressing against hers once, then twice.
"Stay" She heard against her mouth at the same time she wrote "Come with me" with her fingers against clammy hands. There was no magic beyond the two of them, beyond the shadow of something, of an almost something, Regina could almost imagine burning her down. She, however, could almost hear the crackling on her ears as Emma kissed her again, letting her lead this time.
"Come back." She whispered again and this time she could distinguish the sob, the doubt, the unsaid words on the way the blonde molded her body against hers. She didn't stop though.
Neither of them did.
They were, after all, way beyond that