The female I desire is 5'11" to 6'8". She weighs 200 to 300 pounds, and has a body anywhere from matronly plump to insanely ripped and huge, good boob to nipple ratio (I say this with the thought of my future heirs in mind). The weight has to end at around 300 though, because I would like a human, not an Akimichi. Her tits are G-HHH, and they're either natural or jutsu-enhanced. She's 10 to 85
Her hair is extremely short, anywhere from Gilette Mach III shaved to setting 1 on an electric razor. Her natural hair color doesn't matter, because she has none. She wears clown makeup.
She's mentally retarded, of course, since that interferes the least with carrying on the Uchiha bloodline limit. She has full eyes, rosy red ketchup stains on her clothing, no forehead (complexion doesn't matter, she has clown makeup on), and a blank, unthinking expression. She wears a permanent pair of galoshes. She rarely drools, but when she does, it sparkles. She's as black as night.
She is obsessed with eating ice cream and balloons. She likes pink elephants, petting zoos, Tora the cat, stickers, fishnet underwear, gas masks, clown makeup, and so on. She's mentally handicapped, and has no choice but to rarely, if ever, have any thoughts in her head. She likes appearing like a normal person. It makes her feel happy and drooly. She has a very low, rumbling, gravelly voice.
She likes to feel her sagging breast in public. She also likes to wear scuba diving goggles. Dependent. Scared. (She loves anime, but only when she has a gallon of milk to drink while she watches. She's terrified of squirrels and the color green.) Drools constantly. She likes to be in a relationship where she has to rely on her man to take care of everything for her. She feels absolutely incompetent to deal with any but the smallest of life's challenges. She has no choice but to like it that way. She needs to need her man. She can't understand girls who aren't retarded, because she isn't smart enough to.
Sexually, as in life, she is completely retarded, even water-headed. Her vagina and anus are spastic; she squirts pee every 5-10 minutes, and she has to wear a colostomy bag at all times. She is completely grinning and downy-faced at all times. She calls her man Daddy – not because it's sexy, but because she can't tell any two men apart. She likes soba noodles, and she loves eating them frozen. She has no choice but to be used brutally, humiliated, degraded, choked, spanked, slapped, spit on, ejaculated on, pissed on, and so forth, because she is an invalid. It makes her feel like a good girl. Like she might not be retarded after all. She also likes dressing up and behaving like a kitty from time to time. She likes wearing a collar and having her leash tugged on. She likes lapping up milk out of her kitty bowl. She likes to mewl.
She considers herself horribly retarded, and would not let any man who was also retarded come near her, strong though her need to play patty-cake may be.
She can't look people in the eye – because she has a crippling hunchback. She likes to eat tomatoes.
Do not answer this ad. The woman I desire cannot read, and has no friends. I will retrieve her by myself as soon as my revenge is complete. That is all.