DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Sons, nor do I want to because as delicious as they are, quite frankly they scare the crap out of me. This is purely for fun.
They went back to the clubhouse after the funeral. The mood was lighter. Still strained but lighter as everyone shared their memories of Opie, the happy times before… well, before Donna, before Piney, before everything really.
No one seemed to want to go home. It was late, not far off the next day and hardly anyone had left yet. Not anyone important anyway. Except Chibs. Juice had searched all over, checking all the bedrooms barring the ones that were noisily occupied in case Chibs had crashed out in one but he wasn't in any of them.
Ope's death had hit them all hard but some more than others. Chibs had been there when it happened. Him, Jax and Tig, had had to watch Ope die knowing there wasn't a fucking thing they could do to stop it. But Juice wasn't worried about Jax or Tig, he was worried about Chibs. Jax had Tara, she could keep him sane, and Tig… Tig would find someone to stick his dick in tonight and that would be enough for him but Chibs didn't have anyone and Juice thought he needed someone because bottling it all up only made things worse, he knew that from experience.
Chibs had been there for him when he'd needed a friend the most, when his life had turned to shit and he'd tried to end it. Chibs had been his rock. If Chibs hadn't been there… well, he didn't want to think about that. Now it was his turn to be there, his turn to be the rock, his turn to keep Chibs from giving in to the hurt. There was no way in Hell he going to let Chibs suffer in silence.
"Hey Hap, you seen Chibs?" He asked, passing the bathroom just as Happy made a dash for it. Happy just shook his head and darted inside, slamming the door behind him. The relieved sigh and the sound of splashing water that followed made Juice grin as he wandered back out into the bar.
His eyes scanned the room, maybe he was back now, maybe he hadn't been anywhere and Juice had just missed him. Still no sign. Juice weaved his way through the crowd, still looking, until he found Bobby slouched on one of the couches with a bottle in his hand.
"You seen Chibs anywhere?" He asked.
Bobby waved his hand in the direction of the door and mumbled drunkenly.
"Went to get some air."
Juice nodded, grabbed an open bottle of Jack, two thirds full, off a nearby table and went outside himself.
He found Chibs right where he expected to find him. On the roof. They'd all spent their fair share of time sitting up on the roof , thinking, or drinking and trying not to think, Chibs was no different.
"You okay?" He called out, leaning back against the fire escape door. Chibs didn't answer. Juice shifted from one foot to the other. "If you wanna be alone you can tell me to fuck off, it's cool."
There was a moments silence then the Scot looked up.
"Nah, you're alreeght boy, come on." He patted the space beside him. "I could do with the comp'ny."
Juice smiled and took the spot by his friend. For a while, neither of them spoke, just stared down at the yard. Chibs finished his smoke then dropped the butt between his feet and crushed it with the toe of his boot. Juice looked down between Chibs feet where sat a small pile of butt ends and an empty whisky bottle on it's side. He said nothing, just set his own bottle down between them.
"Cheers." Chibs said, looking down at it, then him with a stilted smile.
"Figured you might need it."
"Aye." After that they both went back to watching the yard. It seemed like forever before Chibs finally said… "I've seen people die before ye know, I've watched friends die but this…" He took a shaky breath and shook his head as if trying to shake the memory.
"I can't even imagine what it was like." Juice whispered.
"Aye, an' I hope ye never have tae find out." He grabbed at the bottle beside him, brought it to his lips and took a long swig. "It's the guilt that's the worst."
"You got nothing to feel guilty about." He said firmly, he knew the deal, he knew what had gone down. By now everyone had heard. "There was nothing you could've done man. Ope made his choice."
"That's no' exactly what I meant. I…" He sighed heavily, took another swig and ran the fingers of his free hand through his greying hair. "I was reeght there, trapped in that fucking room, watching through the glass while those fuckers beat the crap outta him and I knew he was gonnae die, we all fucking knew. Jax was beating on the window, screaming at him to fight back but me… I was numb. Somewhere in the back of ma head knew I oughtta be screaming too but I couldn't. I couldn't 'cause all I could fucking think was… Thank God it wasnae you."
"Me?" Juice frowned. I don't…"
"Forget it lad. I've just had too fucking much to drink. I should get back tae the party before I pass out and freeze to bastard death up here." He dropped the bottle on it's side, enough of it's contents emptied now that none could spill out and stood up, shuffling towards the door, somehow still more steady than a man who'd just admitted having too much to drink should be.
Juice jumped to his feet and chased after him.
"Wait!" He called, grabbing at the older man's arm to stop him leaving, catching his wrist and hanging on tight.
"Don't!" Chibs snapped, making an unsuccessful attempt to shake off Juice's hand. "Just don't okay."
"Don't what? You ain't making a whole lotta sense here man." Finally he released his hold and let Chibs wrist go. Chibs didn't move away. "What's going on Chibs? Talk to me."
"Nothing. Nothing's going on. I told ye, I had too much to drink is all."
The skin around Juice's eyes wrinkled and his frown deepened, confused.
"No. That's bullshit and we both know it. I've seen you drunk more times than I can count, and this ain't what any of 'em looked like." He said, folding his arms across his chest and staring at the back of Chibs head, silently daring the other man to argue. He didn't. Instead he spun round on his heels, fisted his hands in the front of Juice's t-shirt and shoved him roughly, kicking his feet and stumbling a few steps until Juice's back hit the fire door with a thud, knocking the wind out of him. Then he kissed him, hard and deep and desperate and it only took a second, a single stunned second before he was kissing back just as hard, just as deep, just as desperate because this was Chibs and, fuck… just fuck.
Kissing Chibs wasn't like kissing anyone else. He was used to soft lips, smooth skin and chicks who tasted like lipstick and chocolate. Chibs was rough, his beard scraped Juice's chin, he was growling into his mouth and he tasted of Jack and smoke but it was intense and hungry and he just couldn't get enough. That was when he realised that this had always been on the cards. It was always gonna happen, Chibs and him. There had always been a bond between them that was somehow different to the bond they shared with the rest of the guys. It had taken a tragedy too many make them see but it had always been there.
When they finally broke apart both of them were shaking, both flushed and panting, embarrassed and aroused but neither of them regretted what had just happened. They stood, just breathing, foreheads pressed together, eyes locked. Chibs loosed his grip on Juice's t-shirt and brought a hand up to cup the younger man's face, whispering hoarsely.
"It could'a been you."
"Shit, man, could'a been any of us, even you. But it wasn't."
"No, it wasnae me."
"I'm sorry as Hell Ope's gone, I really am but fuck it, I won't be sorry that you came back."
Chibs kissed him again, softer this time, slower but no less needy, no less desperate"
"Don' ye leave me Juicey, don' ye fucking dare." He rasped against the younger man's lips. "I nearly lost ye once a'ready. I cannae go through that again." It almost sounded like he was in pain, like just the thought of it hurt him. Maybe it did. It hurt Juice.
"I won't leave." Juice rasped back. "I swear."
Satisfied with Juice's assurance, Chibs pulled back a little, both men instantly missing the other's heat, but they knew they couldn't stay up there forever. For one thing, it was fucking freezing, and another…
"We should probably head back inside, before some other fucker comes looking." Chibs flashed the other man a cockeyed grin as he dug into his pocket for another smoke. Juice couldn't help but return the grin.
"Yeah, we should." He paused for a moment. "My place after though, yeah?"
"Aye lad." Chibs' grin grew even wider. "Sounds good tae me."
Reviews appreciated