Hello, and welcome, one and all, to my first Fan Fiction under my new title of Shadowgard667! (Because I forgot my old account's password... And the stupid E-mail address that went with it was deleted...) You may not remember any of the works I've previously created, because I've forgotten what they were, myself! Smooth one, I know...
Anyways, let's hook you up with a disclaimer so that we can get this party started!
Sonic and all related characters, including all characters in this prologue, are currently owned by *cough*Nintendo*cough* Sega and Sonic Team!
All story ideas, however, are my own ideas, except where blatantly obvious.
And now, ladies and gents, *Drum roll* I proudly introduce you... to my work of complete somethingness... Written last night between one and six in the morning...
Sonic Parody: The Chronicles of the Pointless Adventure
Prologue: The Man with Two Mindsets
It should never have been allowed to come to this...
That was the single thought that ran through the mad scientist's mind as he gazed down upon his latest creation, which still lay motionless upon the workbench in front of him. Briefly, he wondered why it was he had built this... thing. Searching his brilliant mind for an answer, there was only one that he could find that made sense to him. Unfortunately, it wasn't the answer that he was looking for.
Because I'm a friggin genius, Sherlock...
Slowly, the doctor raised a white-gloved hand to his bald head, giving it a scratch as he continued to contemplate what exactly it was that he made. His famous mustache gave a twitch as he furrowed his brow in concentration.
I know what it is, already, the inner workings of his mind thought aloud, interrupting his train of thought once more. I did build the thing, after all, so, of course I know everything it does.
The doctor frowned. Then what exactly IS it?
As usual, Dr. Robotnik's inner mind was slow to come up with an answer. It was typical of it. Always boasting that it knew everything, and then never giving out a straight answer when you asked it anything...
Well... His inner mind finally responded. It is... the work of a true genius! That's what it is! His inner mind beamed at him.
His outer mind just slapped itself. ...I don't have any clue what it is, do I?
Of course I do! The inner mind retorted. It's a robot! Built to stop that pesky hedge-rat, Sonic!
I would've assumed that much as obvious... I meant what does it do SPECIFICALLY?
Oooooh, The inner mind thought. THAT'S what I meant. Yeah. Now I know what I'm talking about. What it's meant to do SPECIFICALLY. Right. Since I wanted me to tell me SPECIFICALLY what it is that this robot is supposed to do, I should probably tell myself what it is SPECIFICALLY meant to...
Am I going to tell me what it does, or am I going to listen to my stupidity all day? His outer mind's patience was beginning to wear thin.
Oh, right! I've gotta tell me what this thing does, so that I may know how it works against that nuisance of a hedgehog, Sonic. That way, I can...
Will I quit stalling and just give myself an answer already? I'm really starting to get on my nerves...
Well, that's what I'm doing, isn't it? I'm telling me right now how this robot is SPECIFICALLY designed to work, just like I asked! Otherwise, I couldn't use it against Sonic in my latest plan to conquer the world, because I wouldn't know a thing about how it works, and, thus, I couldn't execute my greatest plan date, since I would lack any knowledge thereof relating to this technological perfection, which I have skillfully created with my own two hands in order to...
Stop stalling, and give me an answer!
Stalling? I'm not stalling...
Yes, I am! I'm doing it right now!
Doing what?
Stalling!
So I think I'm... stalling?
WILL I STOP REPEATING THAT SCENE FROM THAT MOVIE!
...I'm not repeating anything... Maybe I just think I am?
DO I REALLY even know ANYTHING about this robot?
...I know that I built it...
JUST SHUT UP AND TELL ME WHAT THIS DAMN ROBOT DOES ALREADY!
THAT gave his inner mind a jolt.
Unfortunately, however, he may have been too harsh with himself...
Well, fine then! Robotnik's inner mind pouted, having had its pride hurt by his Outer mind, which was now beginning to regret having yelled at the inner mind. Think at me in a big angry tone! I just won't tell me what the robot does then!
Oh, come on! I know I didn't really mean to yell at me!
Suuuure I didn't, The inner mind thought sarcastically. And pigs fly outta my arse...
It sure is wide enough for them to...
Now his outer mind had done it.
Oh, that's it! I'm not talking to me anymore!
What? B-but I know I didn't mean to think that at me, either! It was just a slip of the mind, I swear...
I'm not buying it! The inner mind crossed its mental arms and turned away from the outer.
But- but I didn't...
Abubububup! I'm not listening to me, either!
But...
If I wanna find out what the robot does, I'll have to turn it on myself! I'm not saying anything!
But...
My thoughts are sealed! Nothing's gonna leak from this mind...
FINE! His outer mind snapped. I'LL TURN IT ON MYSELF, THEN! I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!
Fine, then!
Fine!
Fine!
I'll discover what it does by myself!
Fine!
Fine!
Fine!
Fine!
And with that, his inner mind opened up a mental door, walked out, turned back toward his outer mind, and yelled, FINE!
It then slammed the door shut, hard, as it turned and started to walk away. To where? It didn't matter. Just away from that demanding brain tumor that was Robotnik's outer mind!
Meanwhile, Robotnik stood there, fuming over his inner mind walking out on him like that. Of all the nerve it had, it just up and walks out on him, the moment he needs it?
Fine then. He silently thought to himself. See if I care that my inner mind just up and leaves like that. I'm still the ultimate genius! I'll just turn this robot on, and...
He stared back down at the creation on his workbench. He was still trying to figure out what it even looked like. Its head sorta looked like a... but its arms looked more like...
But what about those tentacles?
Robotnik just continued to stare at his invention. His glasses were beginning to fog up with his perspiration. Damn, it was hot in there...
Well, if there is one thing that can be decided upon about this robot, He thought, it's that it looks like something children would poke with a stick...
His outer mind thoroughly agreed.
Well, that's enough dilly-dallying! He finally decided. Time to see what this baby does!
Slowly, he moved his gloved hand to the base of the machine's neck, where the switch to turn it on was located. He broke out in a steady sweat as he laid his index finger upon the tiny lever. Nervously, he stuck out his tongue, and sweat began to pour from his brow. Was it just him, or was it getting hotter...?
Gently, Robotnik applied some pressure to the tiny lever, careful not to add too much, in case the robot should overload, or something. By now, sweat was starting to cascade from his face in a beautiful waterfall, nearly rivaling that of Niagara. He couldn't stand it anymore. It was just too hot. The pressure was way too intense! HE NEEDED AIR!
Quickly, Robotnik stumbled away from the robot to open a nearby window, sticking his head out and quickly drawing in deep, labored breaths, until, finally, the moment passed. The pressure was gone. The heat had faded. He could breathe...
Relieved that his moment of panic was now over, Robotnik decided that he should get back to the activation of his robot. Calmly, he walked back over to the workbench and, calmly, he retook his seat.
Things should go much better, now that I have a little fresh air in the place!
For the third time, he looked down upon his latest creation, a sense of déjà vu hitting him.
Strange... why do I get the feeling that I've been here before?
I was just about to do this, two minutes ago, genius.
Oh... right...
Time to get back to the task at hand. Once again, Robotnik raised his hand to the robot's neck, where the activation switch was peacefully waiting for him to flip it. Because, when he flipped it, the robot would turn on. And when it turned on, he would finally be able to see what...
Just flip the switch, already.
Right...
Once again, he placed his index finger upon the little lever that would activate the robot. Now all he had to do was push it up and he would know what the robot did!
Specifically?
Specifically.
Now, all he had to do was move his finger...
...
Now, all he had to do was move his finger...
...
Move his finger...
...
Move his FINGER...
...
Why has my hand gone numb?
Because I haven't moved it for a half-hour. Am I... maybe ... afraid to throw this switch?
WHAT! That's preposterous! Who would be afraid to activate... a simple... robot?
Especially one I don't know a thing about...?
Huh? Who said that? It sure wasn't me! No sir, I'm not afraid to activate a robot! Especially one that I have no clue as to what it does, because it couldn't possibly turn on me! No, it couldn't possibly end up like Metal Sonic, and lock me away in a cell, using my image to copy the data of all the Sonic Heroes to transform into a nigh-unstoppable monster bent upon conquering the world in place of its true master! Because that would just be ridiculous! It could never happen in a million years!
... Again, I mean...
Shut up! Whose side am I on, anyway?
... Good point.
... Well, then, I guess this is it.
... Yep.
I'm gonna flip the switch. To activate the robot.
Uh huh.
So I can prove to that concussion of an inner mind that I don't need its help.
That's right.
And so that I, the greatest scientific genius of the world, can finally take down that pesky rodent, Sonic, and take over the world!
... So what am I waiting for?
To tell the truth, he still hadn't worked up the courage to turn it on. But he wasn't about to let his outer mind know that...
I already know that. I'm a PART of me, artard.
Oh yeah, right...
So are you going to turn it on or what?
I will! Just let me take my time...
Oh, sure! Have all the time in the world! There's no speedy blue rat out there to stop us at all! Or any of his little friends! We can just sit here and read bedtime stories while not worrying about a thing! Especially Sonic, since he DOESN'T EXIST, and, thus, couldn't POSSIBLY...
ALLRIGHT! I GET IT!
Then push the switch!
But I don't know what will happen...
Then push the switch!
... But what if it tries to kill me?
THEN PUSH THE SWITCH!
But, what if...
Did you find out what the robot did, yet!
I'LL SHOW YOU, YOU USELESS BRAIN FART!
*Click!*
...
...
...
Oh shi-
Doctor Octogonapus! BLARGH!
And that marks the end of our prologue!
Don't you worry, folks! That will be the first, last and only appearance of Dr. Octogonapus in this story. Now, I know it is quite a ridiculous ending to the prologue, but I couldn't help myself! It was just set up SO perfectly to me...
Anyway, be sure to review the story! Tell me what you liked, and tell me what you hated! And, if you have any ideas for me, please, do feel free to share! I should note right now that this story will not just be about Eggman, but he will make several appearances throughout the story, as I focus mainly upon Sonic's and Cream's stories.
Also, tell me if anybody seems Out of Character to you. If there's anything that I hate more than anything else, it would be making my favorite Sonic characters appear to be nothing like themselves!
Chapter 1 will be up as soon as I can make it, and that is where Cream's pointless adventure will begin! Until we meet again, my friends;
Sincerely Insane,
Shadowgard667
P.S. To Cream haters:
... Get out...