A/N: Hey, it's me again with a new obsession, therefore a new kind of fanfic

A/N: Hey, it's me again with a new obsession, therefore a new kind of fanfic! This is basically what I came up with after realized that each of the Pevensie kids have prominent trait(s) that are easily made fun of (in a purely harmless way, of course). This story is the result of exaggerating them to the extreme and throwing it all together, and it's also basically a humorous "what if" for the few days after their coronation.

There are random salutes to the amusing stuff said in the commentary of LWW, lines from the movie, the BBC Narnia mini series, my emo-off with my friend Tom, a few other amusing things said by my friends and a song my friend Kayleen sings. All. The. Time.

Disclaimer: I don't own (this is a long list): The Chronicles of Narnia, the Olsen Twins, Lucky Charms, Jackson Pollock, Mary Sues (but not owning them is a very good thing in my opinion), Romeo and Juliet, BBC Narnia Series, Why Can't We Be Friends, Mariska Hargitay or the Love Guru. Heck, I don't even own my car.

It was a lovely day at Cair Paravel, where the two Son's of Adam kings and the two Daughter's of Eve queens resided. Each young royal was in their new room, when out of nowhere: "WHAT have I told you about drawing graffiti on random things in your room, Edmund? That is not the proper way for a King to behave," said the recently crowned King Peter as he walked into Edmund's room.

Edmund looked up from his artful masterpiece. Well, it was actually a completely bizarre blob of purple and green paint that he threw at the wall (he was having a Jackson Pollock day) and smeared around to make hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers and blue moons (that ended up being green), pots of gold (these were actually purple) and rainbows (of green and purple) and some red balloons (that turned out to be purple).

"SHUT UP! YOU THINK YOU'RE THE HOT ONE, BUT YOU'RE NOT!" Edmund yelled to Peter. He pushed past Peter, ran out of the room, and when he reached the stairs he dramatically yelled, "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MY ART! I'm sick of this world! I'm going to go in my room to listen to music while my ageless soul is repressed by this immature world!!" He continued running until he realized he just WAS in his room, and ran back to his actual room that he was just in, and put his head under his pillow saying, "Angst. Angst. Pain in my soul."

Lucy, who heard this as she played with Mr. Teddy and Mrs. Teddy, came out of her living chambers and walked in to Edmund's room to talk to Peter. "Is Edmund having another one of his emo child moments?" she asked Peter, looking down at Edmund (who, although he had his head under a pillow, could still hear.)

"Ah, yes he is, my dear sister."

"Peter, stop talking like that. And put a shirt on, no one needs to see that."

Peter was shocked. "But I'm known to so many as 'that hot kid in that Narnia movie'! I can't just renounce my title! I have to keep it up for the fangirls! And what's the point of having washboard abs if not to show the off?"

Lucy stared at him and completely brushed off the last sentence. "Don't tell me that a Mary Sue has hoodwinked you again…"

Peter gasped. "Marietta Suzette isn't a Mary Sue! She's my new love, all beautiful and stylish and her curly brown hair flows to the floor in lovely waves! She has perfectly sized feet and she's got the most perfect complexion! She's the most beautiful girl in the world."

"Peter. Say her name again SLOWLY."

"Mar-y-et-ta Suze-ette." Peter paused. "Oh dear."

"Yes. Now realize that she's the most beautiful girl in the world, and we're in Narnia where we are technically supposed to be the only human beings, and that you somehow pay a strange amount of attention to her complexion and foot size."

Peter stared. "Oh. Right. MARIETTA SUZETTE!"

The Mary Sue flounced in. "Yes, Peter, my love?"

"We're over. You don't exist. You are a creation of a deranged, over zealous fangirl."

"I… WHAT?!" And with that, Marietta Suzette dissolved, for Mary Sues only exist if the one the Mary Sue is in love with believes in her.

"Thanks for that Lucy. You're a real life saver."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "I know. Well, then, Mr. and Mrs. Teddy need to go finish their dinner. Tomorrow night they are having Mrs. Teddy's parents over for dinner, so tensions are high as they prepare for the stress."

Peter laughed in a kingly way. "Lucy, not all of us have your imagination."

Lucy's face began to twitch as if she was about to cry. "I wouldn't LIE about this!"

"I never said you were lying," said Peter, confused beyond words. "I'm sure it's very stressful for your Teddy bears. Now I have to be all kingly and manly and supposed-to-be-13-but-actually-18. Now where are those ladies in waiting of yours…"

As the time cut ain't very good, Lucy's face was screwed up in this horrible way as she sobbed. She stopped her fake-sobbing-that-peculiarly-looks-like-manic-giggling to yell, "PETER!"

"What? They like to watch me be kingly!"

Lucy shook her head. "If he isn't careful, he's gonna get another Mary Sue all over him."

"Yeah," she responded to herself, "Edmund's never been the same since that one Mary Sue decided Edmund was to pull a Romeo and kill himself for her. He barely made if out of there."

"That was a bad moment for all."

Peter, as he was still in the room, stared at Lucy. "Lucy!"

"Yes, Peter?" asked both Lucys simultaneously.

"You're not supposed to be talking to yourself. BBC Version Edmund is the schizophrenic one, remember?"

Both Lucys laughed. "Ah, yes, you are right." With that, Lucy became one again.

Peter sauntered out the door (still sans shirt) and smiled as Lucy's handmaiden (who was outside the door just in case Peter came out before Lucy)'s mouth dropped open.

"Oh yeah. I still got it."

Lucy took this long to realize she was still in Edmund's room. At this point, Edmund looked traumatized, as any memory of that Mary Sue incident sends him into a nearly catatonic state.

"Edmund? Are you okay?" asked Lucy. Edmund nodded. "Yeah, I'm… I'm a little better." He smiled tentatively.

"Are you still angsty and emo?"

Edmund stopped smiling and remembered he was supposed to be the angsty/emo kid.

"Edmund, you need to quit it with this whole I'm-an-angsty-unloved teenager thing. First of all, because you are only ten, and, second of all, because you are now King."

"I am only king of my broken heart." At this, Edmund pulled open his shirt (to many fangirls utter joy) to show a tattoo of a shattered heart on his chest.

"EDMUND!" shouted Lucy. "When did you get this done?!"

"While drinking tea with Tumnas and the beavers last Tuesday. It's to symbolize how my heart was crushed when - "

"YOU'RE TEN! YOU - "

"YOU'RE EIGHT!" shouted Edmund.

Lucy stared. "Yes, I am, but that's besides the point. I was trying to say that you're ten and you're not old enough to get your heart crushed! AND even if you did I wouldn't care when. Where is Tumnas?"

"Why are you looking for him?" asked Edmund as he rebuttoned his shirt (cue fangirl sobs).

"I'm going to yell at him. Because that 'stop it!' was my only yelling line in the whole of the movie, so I want to go yell more!"

"Why…?"

"That wasn't the real reason, genius. I actually want to yell BECAUSE TUMNAS IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FRIEND, AND FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS DRINK AND INK!" And with that, Lucy stormed out of the room.

"Ah well," thought Edmund, "now I can angst in peace." At this, he began to brush his hair over his eyes and say, "Angst. Angst. Pain in my soul," over and over again, as it is his mantra.

Lucy, angry at Tumnas for not restraining the 10-year-old Edmund from getting a tattoo that he'd regret in about 1 week, 2 days, 10 hours and 15 minutes, stormed down the stairs to find the faun.

Of course, she, being Lucy and a little bit less coordinated than the others, tripped on the hem of her dress, flew down the last 5 stairs, and started crying. Susan came over to her.

"Lucy, why are you sitting at the bottom of the stairs?"

"I sniff fell," sniffed Lucy, as could be seen from the "sniff"s in the sentence.

"Stop pretending, Lucy. That's enough."

"I wouldn't LIE about this!" At this, Lucy paused. She could have sworn she'd said that less than 15 minutes ago.

"Now, now, let me be the obnoxiously logical sister and work out how big of a Bandaid ™ you need for that cut on your knee." With this, Susan sat down with a pen and pencil and began to figure out the trigonometry of the deal.

Lucy started laughing at this. "Jeez, Susan, I already did that! I'm the smart one of the family, remember? With the White Witch's fake castle - "

"SHHH! Lucy, we need the audience to believe the CGI!"

Lucy rolled her eyes," Right anyway, I am the cute one. You're just my sister."

Susan glared. "YOU WISH! I am the… Oh, forget it with the random 90's Olsen Twin songs. Anyway…Yeah…Well…I GET TO GO TO AMERICA AND I'M THE PRETTY SISTER!"

Lucy looked horrified. "Susan!" she whispered to her sister, "Susan,that happens in the Dawn Treader! You can't tell people about that now!"

"Oh. Right." Susan looked around awkwardly. "So…I'm gonna go primp and brush my hair and be the pretty one."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "You anger me."

She continued out into the courtyard, where she saw Mr. Beaver and Mr. Tumnas with pipes in their mouths, playing poker. Tumnas had removed his scarf.

Apparently it was strip poker, which Lucy didn't well understand, as all Tumnas wore was that scarf and Mr. Beaver was just furry and needed no clothing.

Shaking off the confusion, Lucy stormed over to the pair.

"TUMNAS!!" She shouted with excessive punctuation. "Why in Aslan's name did you let Edmund get a tattoo of a broken heart?"

Tumnas stared. "Why, because he asked us to, and he knew Peter wouldn't let him."

"That would be because he is ten."

"He needed a way to show the world that his heart was shattered."

Lucy threw her arms up. "HE'S GOING THROUGH AN EMO PHASE! IT SHOULD BE OVER IN 1 WEEK, 2 DAYS, 10 HOURS AND 15 MINUTES!"

Susan stuck her head out the window. "Actually, it would be closer to 9 minute now, Lu." She stated logically.

"Susan, shut UP!"

"Lucy! How dare you speak to Mothe-SUSAN like that?! You're 8!" shouted Peter as he stuck his head out the window three up and two to the left of Susan's window.

"WHY ARE YOU ALL YELLING AT ME?! I DIDN'T GET THE TATTOO!" And with that, Lucy began to sob. Again.

Out of nowhere, from the front door, came Edmund singing.

"Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?"

Being enough of a distraction to stop Lucy's singing, Peter's overly Kingish and moronic attitude and Susan's out of place logicality, Edmund smiled. "Well, I can see that we're all content now. Shall I bring out the flower cookies and the Lipton Iced Tea now?" The group nodded, stunned. "Mariska Hargitay."

Everyone stared at him. Peter from the top window looked down at everyone else."Well I guess we were off about the phase timing."

Lucy nodded. "Apparently he's in his hippie stage."

Susan shook her head. "Nope, it's his Love Guru stage."

Peter stared, horrified. "DON'T LET HIM PUT ME WITH A MARY SUE!"

A/N2: There it is! I hope you liked it! Well, review if you think I should do another chapter of this. I assure you, it will be no less random. I attribute the randomness of this one to listening to Crazy Frog, the Mamma Mia! soundtrack and the Prince Caspian soundtrack intermittently. Oh dear…Pierce Brosnan is singing again…

Anyway, if it does turn out that I make another chapter, any suggestions will definitely be considered, as this level of randomness is sometimes dangerous for one person to write on their own, and I always appreciate feedback : ).