Traveling with a partner was always awkward. You learn a lot about people when you can't get away from them. Things you probably could've lived without ever finding out. Traveling with a partner got even more awkward when said partner was some random old guy you just met. Ellie didn't particularly like or trust this guy and the feeling appeared to be mutual. But Marlene had vouched for him and Tess had literally died to get them in the clear, so whining seemed childish. And Ellie wasn't a baby. She was fourteen years old.
But being fourteen, and a girl, is exactly what made everything seem so awkward. Joel was ridiculously silent and so doggedly determined to get to where they were going, she felt like she was slowing him down any time she made a basic request, so she tried to stay quiet. But eventually, her bladder was near to bursting.
Okay, dude. I know you're superhuman but I'm not and I gotta pee.
Joel had studied her for a minute, as though gauging her truthfulness, like she might be trying to trick him, before sighing and waving his hand. Permission granted. Well, fuck you very much, dude. Ellie didn't need his permission to pee. Even if she wanted to make sure he wouldn't leave her behind while she did so.
She looked around trying to figure out where she could go where he couldn't see her drop trou and she also wouldn't accidentally stumble into a nest of clickers, but they were in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, halfway between two major cities. They hadn't seen a building or junked out car in miles.
The only option was a field of waist-high grass. Ellie blushed and trekked into the field. When she'd found a spot that was as good as it got, she looked at Joel who had the decency to turn away. She took care of her business, blush never fading because even squatting, her head stuck out above the grass like some kind of weird reverse peep show and she knew he could hear her even if he wasn't looking. She scolded herself, hating her reaction. It's not like she'd never had to pee when traveling with Marlene or Riley. But it was different with Joel.
He was a dude. With dude parts. Which made it stupidly unfair because he just needed a tree or a car or whatever would give him the slightest hint of privacy to whip it out and whiz. He didn't have to expose his entire lower half to the world every time nature called.
Which made it more than fair, in Ellie's opinion, that Joel was the first to have to take a crap. They'd eaten some berries they found that Joel swore were safe but apparently his stomach didn't get the memo. The petty part of Ellie was pissed they'd made it to the dregs of an industrial area meaning Joel didn't have to squat in a random open field. Instead, he ducked around a corner into a little lean-to shack with the understanding that they needed to be within ear shot of each other in case of danger. She could hear every splatter and grunt, which grossed her out, but oddly made her feel better since it was proof that Joel was human.
Joel's bubble gut led to them having to figure out the whole bathing issue which actually seemed to give Joel more pause. Probably because it left him equally exposed. Or at least it would have if Ellie was willing to take off her clothes in front of stranger. Which she wasn't. For all she knew, he could be some kind of secret perv just waiting for the right opportunity. Tons of those sickos out there. She wasn't taking the chance.
She probably looked like an idiot, wading into the pond fully clothed and sticking her hand inside her clothes to scrub at the important areas, but Joel didn't say a word, instead pointedly turning his back to her and working on turning the scraps they'd scavenged into makeshift weapons. When it was his turn, he didn't seem nearly as shy although he did make sure she wasn't watching before he stripped down. Ellie gave him a wide berth, walking as far away as she dared. And she definitely wasn't the least bit curious about what he might look like naked. Nope. Not even a little.
Eventually, Ellie started to strip to bathe. She figured it was probably safe since she'd never once caught Joel so much as peeking and, more importantly, wearing wet clothes for hours on end sucked big time. Still, it was weird sitting around in their skivvies on the rare occasions they washed their clothes and had to wait for them to dry. Joel said they used to have machines that could wash and dry your clothes in less than an hour. That would be amazing instead of losing half a day every time.
As time passed, they got use to each other's company. Ellie went through every knock-knock joke, riddle, and pun she knew trying to pull a smile from him and Joel eventually started to groan and sometimes even laugh quietly in response. He wasn't half bad once he decided he liked you, Ellie thought. But she'd also seen how he dealt with ambushers and clickers, dispatching them with deadly force. She definitely wanted to stay on his good side.
They were so used to each other that when Ellie woke one night to find Joel wasn't lying beside her, she couldn't fall back asleep. At first, she assumed he'd maybe gone to the bathroom until she touched a hand to his blankets. They were cool, meaning he'd been gone for a while. After she counted out seven minutes worth of one-mississippi, two-mississippi and he hadn't returned, she started to freak out a little bit. What if a clicker had got him? Or some bandits? Or maybe he decided she wasn't worth the trouble and ditched her.
She scrambled out of her blanket pallet, stomped her feet into her sneakers, grabbed her knife, and headed outside to find and/or save him.
She eased outside, not wanting to alert any possible clickers or bad guys to her presence if she was truly alone or Joel was really in trouble. All kind of grizzly images were flashing through her head but she hadn't worked up a full head of steam when she realized Joel was only a stone's throw away from the entrance to the garage they'd bedded down in. Far away enough that he wasn't immediately visible from the door, but close enough that, from his angle, he could see anybody who was approaching the building.
But that wasn't what really caught her attention. Joel was sitting under a tree.
Touching himself.
Ellie ducked behind a rusted out junker, a blush burning her ears hot. She should go back and leave him be. But curiosity got the best of her. She never thought about it because Joel was so old, but it made sense that he would need to… take care of himself… from time to time.
Hunkered down by the car, Ellie continued to watch as his hand sped up and a flush worked across his face and down his throat to where his skin was still hidden by his shirt. Ellie studied him, taking in every detail. At this point, Ellie was pretty sure she was into girls, but she wasn't sure that meant she wasn't into guys as well. She wasn't around them enough to definitively rule it out. Not that she was into Joel. He just had the… parts… she was curious about.
Ellie watched until he let out a grunt and his body did this twitchy thing before sagging in relief. She watched a few seconds longer to see if he did anything else, but he seemed done. He'd put his junk away and would probably be heading back to bed soon.
Ellie didn't quite know what to make of it all, but she knew she definitely had to beat him back inside. She turned to go back and stepped on a twig that snapped louder than any gun Ellie had ever heard. She glanced back to see if Joel, with his freaky clicker spotter ears had heard it, and horrifyingly looked directly into Joel's eyes.
No denying for either of them where she'd been and what she'd seen.
Definitely caught, Ellie stood up and walked quickly back inside the garage where she lay down, pulled her blanket over her head, and tried to quietly die of embarrassment. What was she going to say if he ever came back in?
Sorry I totally creeped on your super-secret jerk off time. My bad.
Maybe she could reassure him it was nothing to be ashamed of. She sometimes did it when he was asleep not even a full two feet away from her. Not that he needed to know that. Oh god, what if he already knew that? He had freaky sensitive hearing for an old dude and a few weeks back she'd thought she might've woken him up, but forgot about it when he never said anything.
Shit. He totally knew, didn't he?
When the door finally creaked open, Ellie clamped down on her mini-freak out and pretended to be asleep. Joel said nothing, just went through his normal night routine, the silence deafening.
He turned off his flashlight, which had been propped on a table, plunging the room into darkness and laid down. Ellie waited for him to say something. But he didn't.
She'd almost fallen asleep for real when his rumbly voice broke the silence.
"It's perfectly normal to be curious. I totally get it," he said. "But you're a kid and I didn't mean for you to see that. Ever. I need you to respect my privacy the same way I always respect yours. Got it?"
Ellie didn't say a word, hoping he would think she was asleep and they could both just forget about this.
He sighed. "Ellie, I know you're awake."
She swallowed hard and nodded even though he couldn't see it. "I'm sorry."
Joel grunted in acknowledgement. He shifted and soon his breathing evened out into the rhythm of sleep.
The next day, they both pretended it never happened.
From there, things normalized until she got her first period a week later.
She'd been feeling shitty for a few days, but figured maybe she'd eaten something bad, although Joel swore he felt fine and they ate pretty much the same thing. After the third stop for a bathroom break because of her queasy stomach, Ellie let out a horrified yelp when the rag she was wiping with came back streaked with blood.
"Ellie?" Joel asked, his footsteps rushing towards the spot where she'd ducked in to relieve herself.
"No, Joel! Stop!" He absolutely couldn't see this. She would die if he saw this. But she needed stuff. Like 'girl' stuff.
"You okay?" He asked, voice full of concern.
"Yeah... I… I think I started my period," she answered, ears burning with embarrassment.
"Oh."
He didn't say anything else, but his hand appeared in her makeshift bathroom with a fistful of additional wipe rags. She quietly accepted them and finished cleaning up, lining her underwear with a few of them. If this was even a fraction of the ohgodIcan'tbelievethisishappening Joel had felt when she'd spied on him, she wasn't sure how he managed not to drop dead of it.
When she finally built up the courage to come out, Joel gave her a quick once over. She shrugged and he shrugged back and they continued on like nothing was out of the ordinary.
At least until her cramps got so bad, she was in too much pain and too nauseated to walk. Joel switched his backpack to his front and carried her piggyback until they found an abandoned trailer and hunkered down. He gave her some acetaminophen and let her nap. When she woke, he was gone, but before she could even begin to freak out, he was back. He handed her a package bundled in old newspapers. Inside where feminine products, two different kinds, and some hard candies.
Joel would've made a great dad.
They stayed three more days and the only uncomfortable moment was when Joel had to awkwardly inform her that feminine products had to be buried so the smell of blood wouldn't attract scavenger animals looking for a dead meal. It could have been worse. Ellie knew from women who were around before the cordyceps hit that periods used to last five to seven days and you'd get them every month starting as early as nine or ten years old. In the twenty or so years since the outbreak, the theory was that survival needs had caused an adaptation where periods started a few years later, shortened to two to three days, and only happened a few times a year.
When she was back on her feet, they kept going and eventually made it to Jackson, Wyoming, where Joel's brother, Tommy, lived. After resting and getting actual hot showers, they continued to Colorado where everything went absolutely pear shaped. Joel had nearly died fighting some jackass ambushers and then David… Ellie didn't like to think about David. By the end of it all, the only way she could hold it together was by sleeping right next to Joel, her head on his chest to make sure his heart was still beating. He seemed to understand she needed the comfort and didn't make a fuss about it.
They made it to Salt Lake City and she was prepped for some kind of surgery, but when she came to, they were in a car headed back to Tommy's. Joel claimed the Fireflies had found other immune people but had been unable to create a cure. Ellie wasn't completely sure she believed him, but he swore on his daughter's grave it was the truth.
She took him at his word, maybe because part of her wanted to, so she could stay with him at Tommy's commune. They were basically family now any way.
So she stuffed the Firefly stuff away. Like it never even happened.