Author's Note: This fic is in Relena's POV and takes place after the series. Spoilers for ep. 49 and so on. Got struck in a songfic kick while finishing up Control. ^_^
by Anthy
I saw him there, standing in my doorway. I was surprised that he even came, but then again I doubt he would refuse me anything. It was months after the war, he had all but disappeared off the face of the earth. How he had gotten my invitation still eluded me, but everything about Heero was a mystery. He still looked liked the same boy I had saw at that airport that day. Even at that moment, I clutched my teddy bear to my chest as I stared at him. He was a little taller, but much more muscular. Heero was wearing worn jeans instead of his shorts, but he was still attached to that tank top. His dark brown hair was still in need of a comb, unruly bangs framing those intense blue eyes.
Throwing caution to the wind, I dropped the bear and ran to him, wrapping my arms around him. God, he smelled so good. He hugged me back, but I could tell my joy was not returned. If anything, I felt his anxiousness.
"Heero," I whispered into his shoulder. "I thought you wouldn't come."
"I promised you I would return once the war was over." he said as he let go of my shoulders and walked into my room.
"But you won't be staying." I said as I closed the door. He looked at me in affirmation-no words were needed. I walked over to him and looked deep into his eyes. "You know why I asked you to come here? Tonight?"
"Yes." Heero stated. I wanted to run, all of my intentions for that night disappeared. But I had to know, I needed to know. Unfortunately I had my answer the moment he had stepped into my doorway.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked quietly. Another silent answer, but I knew he couldn't say no. He didn't know how. I hated myself already for asking this, for putting him through this, but I loved him so much.
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
He laid down on my bed, and I crawled into bed next to him. "What now?" Heero asked, still completely dressed, me in my nightgown. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder.
"Just hold me." I answered, my voice sounded half calm, half pleading. He wrapped his arms around me, Heero was warmer than any blanket I had ever owned. I turned off my bedside lamp, the room became eerily dark.
We laid there in that darkened room, not moving, no speaking, only the sounds of our breaths could be heard. I had intended to give myself to him, to make him mine, but all I wanted to do now was to be held by him. I knew, he was never mine to begin with.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
"Heero, I love you." I whispered. I barely heard myself. More silence, louder than any explosive in the night sky.
But you won't, no you won't
"I love you, too." he said. And he meant it . . . as a friend, a brother, a protector, but I wasn't sure. When he uttered those words, nothing changed. I knew they never would.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed tight. I buried my head in his chest, I felt him stroking my hair. With my heart breaking I whispered goodnight, and after a pause he returned my answer.
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
Though Heero eventually drifted off to sleep, I was unable to. I spent every moment there, remembering every last second. The rhythm of his heart beat, the warmth of his breath in my hair, the strength of his arms. I watched the sunlight creep into my room, Heero awakened the instant the light had hit his eyes. Past training, I had reasoned, and I left the bed to order breakfast. We talked for hours, he told me that he was trying to live a normal life now. It was hard, but he knew that he would adapt soon. I asked him about the pilots he had fought along with, and he grew silent. He hadn't heard from any of them after the war, but I could sense he was lying. He was connected to them somehow, a bond more stronger than what I had to fight just to achieve.
As he left that day I made him promise to see me again, and if he would be my protector if I was ever in danger again. I had meant it as a joke, but to him it had became a promise. I guess there's hope in him after all.
"Since you gave me a bear for my birthday, and you don't have one," I had reasoned as I slipped an envelope into his hand, "I thought that this was as good a gift as any." Heero peered inside at the ticket to L2 and the address of the scrap yard that Duo and Hilde co-owned, and I saw a smile creep onto his face. And I was happy for him, I loved him so much. I knew I'd see him again.