Title: Chinese Vampire Trap

Author: JayBee

Rating: PG-13 (mild language)

Category: B/S 'ship

Setting/Spoilers: Takes place before "Crush"

Summary: It's Spike's birthday. Who would have guessed he actually receives a gift?

Feedback: Feedback is like having little candies in my mailbox. My email's jaybee_bug@yahoo.com or you can review, of course.

Distribution Statement: I'd be charmed, as always. Just be sure to keep my name and e-mail attached.

Disclaimer: I humbly admit all characters in this story belong to Joss Whedon and whoever else lays claim to Buffy Summers an' her chummies…oh. And Star Trek's not mine, either. *g*

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It was Spike's birthday today.

Yippie-tye-yie-yay and zip-a-dee-doo-dah.

The vampire snorted in humor and dully clicked through TV stations. The channels dashed by in an instant, far faster than anybody could actually recognize any of them. The sun would be setting soon, beginning the day for the vampiric world.

Spike didn't care. Today was just another day out of the 365 out of the year. He didn't mean anything. Once today he was twinged slightly by a fond memory of his last birthday. He was still with Drusilla and they had one hell of a brawl that night…must have killed at least a dozen people.

But those times of fun had passed long ago. Now he spent his days brooding in his crypt and stalking a Slayer he hadn't a chance in hell with. What had happened to the world? Something must be wrong if the baddest vampire of them all had been reduced to a pathetic creature as helpless as a butterfly.

Spike snarled and shut the TV off. He was sick of brooding and felt cooped up in here. Through the days it was like the walls had slowly been closing in on him, gradually crushing him to death. Indeed, his world had been shrinking around him as he grew more and more obsessed with the Slayer, as it became more and more apparent that she would sooner drive a stake through his heart than even consider elsewise.

The vampire grabbed his coat and slunk out the door into the rapidly falling night.

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The vamp's mood had improved little by the time he got back and trudged in.

Collapsing on his couch, he allowed himself to wallow in self-pity, attempting to drown in the burning sesnsation to his death. He went rigid when his eyes had landed upon his blank TV. Staring. At the small box on top.

A small, black box with a ribbon.

Slowly, he drew himself to his feet and walked over.

It was tiny box-about the size of the palm of his hand, in glossy black paper, with a blood-red ribbon tied in a simple bow on top. He carefully picked it up and turned it around in his hands, as if uncertain if it was actually there or just a figment of his imagination.

He discovered a small white card taped to the bottom.

"Spike" ,

It read in cursive. He squinted at the card, wondering who the bloody hell had given it to him.

And what was in it.

"Only one way to find out, " he muttered, and carefully untied the ribbon, feeling a little silly. He hadn't opened a gift in . . . well … he didn't even remember.

Tearing off the black paper and discarding it on the floor, he lifted the lid off the white box.

And furrowed his brow. "What…. "

The object inside was the oddest thing he'd ever seen. He simply stared at it for a few minutes. Then he sat down on the couch and examined the object in his fingers.

It was a cylinder tube-about as wide around as a nickel and about five inches long. It seemed to have been woven with bamboo strands, alternating between black and dark purple, creating a patchwork pattern on the object. He rotated it and peered through the hole like he was looking through a kaleidoscope.

After several minutes of examining it, he concluded the way dried bamboo strands were woven, it made the tube sort of flexible.

"Well, that's just damn wonderful, " he said out loud after the long period of silence.

"First birthday present I get in a hundred bloody years and I don't know what it is. "

He retrieved the card off the floor, deciding to puzzle over the sender again. Checked the back of the card-nope, no "From" on it. "Hmm. "

Who could have possibly sent him a gift? He certainly had no friends to speak of. So that only left his enemies, he supposed.

"Slayer? " he wondered out loud.

Of course, there was no answer to his question. After pondering it for several more minutes, he put the object carefully into his pocket and strode out the door again.

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The moon was a slender shaving of a crescent hanging delicately in the sky. It was the night after the New Moon, which of course explained how only the tiniest shred of light peeked through.

Buffy Summers was gazing at it, thinking about how she never got to admire things like the moon, or a sunset, or any of that kind of stuff anymore. No, no, far too busy for that sort of thing. Got a job to do, after all. And if you spend anytime ogling at the moon or pausing to smell the roses, BOOM! You're history.

At that thought, she quickly gave her surroundings another look-around, before moving off again into the cold night.

She was on her way home from a late-night patrol, and perhaps a little lost in her thoughts, because for some reason or another, when she heard his voice behind her, she jumped in surprise.

"Fancy meeting you here. "

She spun around, stake in hand, but visibly relaxed when she saw who it was.

Turning around, she continued to walk as if not noticing him.

"What's the matter, Spike, did they stop playing Star Trek repeats? "

He was following behind, puzzling over her.

"Hey, I occasionally like to get some fresh air, you know. "

She shot him a sideways glance. "You don't need air. "

He grinned at her. "Metaphorically speaking. "

She sighed, as the vampire kept up with her fast pace. "Why does that require following me around? " she asked, acting annoyed.

"Ah…. " He stammered, seeming uncertain of himself a moment. He still wasn't sure if she was the mysterious gift-sender, but hell, what had he to loose if she wasn't? So he dipped the strange object out of his pocket. As soon as Buffy saw it, she stopped short.

"I…got this thing, " he said, feeling as awkward as a schoolboy,

"Um…I thought maybe you could explain it to me. "

She was chuckling. "You don't know what it is? "

He frowned at her, not expecting that sort of reaction. "Well . . . no. Not really. "

She started to walk again, with the vampire at her tail, as she explained-

"It's called a Chinese Finger-Trap. "

The Slayer stopped by a stump and sat down. Spike raised an eyebrow, looking at her with suspicion. "So it was you who gave it to me, right? "

"Yeah, Spike. You want to know how to use it or what? "

He reluctantly sat down as well, a tad bit confused over this whole thing. He wasn't sure what the thing was so he had no clue what the gift could possibly mean-traps were good, he reasoned, if he could trap something with it, but not if it was meant to trap him…

"First you put your fingers inside the hole, " she explained.

He wasn't sure what she meant exactly, as the hole was too small for him to fit all his fingers into-

"No, no, like this, " she said, rolling her eyes and taking his hands so she could affix the trap properly. He watched with fascination.

"There. " She said, and now the vampire had both his forefingers in the tube on front of him. He held his arms out, staring at the purple-and-black trap.

"Ok. " He said, waiting for her next instruction.

She shrugged. "That's it. "

"That's it? "

"Yep. "

"But…"

"Spike, try to pull your fingers out now. "

He frowned again, but complied with her request. What the--? He tugged several times and discovered that yes, he could not get them out.

Smiling in admission, he said, "Ok, that's clever. "

She smiled back. "Yep. "

He didn't quite understand how it worked. If his fingers fit when he put them in, then why couldn't they when he tried to pull them out? He tugged it several more times, getting a bit rougher each time, and soon learned that he truly was stuck.

"Jeez. It really is a trap. "

Buffy just sat there, watching Spike, enjoying his efforts to free himself.

After struggling with the tiny tube for a minute or so, and at one point yelping in pain as the tight bamboo dug into his skin, he finally looked back up at her.

"All right then, how do you get it off? "

She grinned at his admission. "Can't figure it out, huh? " she taunted.

He shot her a warning glare. "Why'd you give me this thing? Just to watch me squirm? "

Smiling smugly, she got up and started walking home again without a word.

"Hey!" he yelled, getting up to run after her, still with his fingers locked in the trap.

"Buffy! Are you gonna tell me? "

The Slayer kept walking, having a hard time keeping her stupid grinning down to a minimum, extraordinarily amused at the situation.

"Well, Spike. Maybe I will. Maybe I won't. It depends. "

He stared at her with disbelief. "What? What do you want me to do, get on my hands and knees? "

She couldn't help but giggle. "You can't do that. Your hands are stuck together. "

He looked back down at the tiny tube that snared him. It seemed like such an innocent, stupid object, that he hadn't even realized that in fact it tied up his hands completely with its simple grasp.

"Wait a second, you're not going to leave me like this, are you? " he suddenly asked as her march quickened a pace.

"Oh, that's a great idea, Spike. I didn't think of that. " She said, leering at him.

His jaw dropped. He didn't quite know what to say. He kind of liked having the Slayer seem so amused by him, but he really had a problem here…

"Buffy, " he wined,

"C'mon. This isn't a very nice birthday present. "

She chuckled again. "Well, Spike, you should of thought of that before you-"

She stopped talking when she heard a wumph behind her. Looking back she saw the vampire had tripped over a root.

The Slayer walked back over to him, watching as the inevitable took place. He attempted to bring himself to his feet only to realize he couldn't quite make it.

"Hey! Bloody hell, I can't get up!" he declared with complete surprise.

Buffy couldn't take it anymore. She burst out laughing as the vampire glared at her and angrily struggled.

"Slayer, a little help, please. " He said in his polite voice, hoping she'd stop laughing for a minute.

No such luck, though.

"C'mon, Buffy! Play fair! You've done some bad things to me but this is downright brutal!"

His plea fell on death ears, however. Unable to actually get up, he couldn't very well threaten to beat her brains in, so he just gave her a death look and turned back to study his trap, considering ripping it open with his teeth. He could probably do it with his fangs-but then he would of ruined Buffy's gift, which he didn't quite want to do, even though it had turned out to be, in fact, a mean joke…

"All right, all right. You look too pathetic. I'll get you out, " she said, deciding it was time to end her fun.

He looked back up at her hopefully.

She helped haul him to his feet and than spoke to him as if he were a child.

"Now, see, it's very simple to release the trap. All you have to know is what the trick is. There's always a trick to things. "

He cocked his head as he looked at the finger-trap, trying to look like he was paying attention. But he really couldn't concentrate whenever the Slayer was so close to him, holding his hands…

"If you try and pull your fingers out, all it does it tighten the trap. The harder you pull, the more stuck you get. What you need to do is fight the natural urge to rip free, and use your brain for once, " she said, smiling at her little quip before continuing,

"Rather-you do the opposite of pulling. Push the trap inwards, " she said as she did so, and with a little gasp the vampire slid his fingers free. "Oh, " he said, feeling stupid that it had been so simple.

She handed him the bamboo tube. He took it and played with it, shoving it in and out, grasping at last how it worked. "I get it now. "

"Ow, Jesus. The damn thing bruised my fingers, " he added, rubbing them sorely.

She turned again with an amused smile to continue walking.

"I think you'll live, Spike. "

"Hey, wait a second. Is that it? " he asked, trailed behind again.

"What do you mean? "

"Well, is that it? You just gave this thing to me to play a little game of torment-the-Spike? "

She shrugged. "It was your birthday present. " She said simply.

He finally stopped following her, and instead just stood and watched her go.

Had she really meant anything by this? Did some tiny part of her want to give him a gift but she had to make it a prank to cover that fact up? Spike's mind was reeling.

Buffy turned to look back at him, still grinning about the trick she had played. His blank expression suddenly brightened as she looked back at him.

Spike grinned at her, and she grinned back, before she quickly turned around and disappeared through the woods.

Oh, yeah. She definitely meant something more.

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La fini.