A/N: Here is the anticipated 1st chapter of my story Better Than Catnip (lame title, but you'll understand as you read) This story IS an AU. If I'm being honest with myself and you all, I really didn't even want to post this story because as you read this story you'll learn a little of my life. Yes everything in this story that happens to Alan happened to me and yes I was self-destructive as well as contemplating suicide because of the bullying I suffered. I had my note written and the day planned, but I couldn't do it. I've lived to the best of my ability since the day I planned to be my last for the last ten years. I'm baring my soul, which is still raw when in regards to this.

Anyway, on with the story. Same as always, reviews are welcomed but if you don't have anything nice to say then keep your comments to yourself.

Sad-Blue-Eyed-Angel 2010

A tinkling of bells could be heard coming up the hall and barely a minute later, Alan rounded the corner making a kissy face and clicking his tongue at the creature he held in his arms. Gordon and Virgil barely managed to suppress their snorts of laughter. They didn't find the face Alan was making funny per se, they'd just never seen him so playful…unless you counted the times he was pranking their household with Gordon. In recent months however, Alan had become subdued in the number of times he smiled or laughed.

He'd been bullied horrifically at his old school. The patriarch had been forced to pull Alan from his private school when Alan became self-destructive. The boy they'd gotten back had been a shadow of his former self and it bothered the brothers that the school hadn't done anything to punish those responsible for the bullying. Nobody but Alan really knew what had gone on at the school and Alan had taken to keeping quiet unless directly spoken to. He stayed quiet most of the time anyway, having practically taken a vow of silence.

Virgil smiled behind his hand when Alan walked into the living room to pick up the feather teaser toy. The younger boy sat silently on the floor and released his burden with a smile. The tinkling of the bells got louder for a split second before the sound was replaced with the soft, soothing sound of purring. Gordon and Virgil both continued to stay quiet as they heard the comforting sound.

"So Al, have you picked out a name for the little guy yet?" Gordon asked as he stood from the couch to lean against the archway of the living room door. Alan's mouth moved but he spoke so quietly that neither of his brothers heard him. Virgil and Gordon shared a look before shrugging. It was pointless to try to prompt Alan to speak, ever since he'd been bullied he'd seemed to have given up speaking altogether. He didn't even argue with their dad anymore and for a fifteen-year-old Alan to not have a daily shouting match with their dad though nice to not have to referee, was unnerving.

Alan started flicking the feather teaser toy around and the sphynx kitten darted back and forth in an effort to catch the toy. Virgil couldn't help but to smile. It wasn't intended to adopt the kitten, but on a rescue two weeks' prior – Virgil had been unfortunate enough to have a terrified mama cat that was heavy with unborn kittens come scrambling out onto the rooftop of a burning apartment complex and take shelter in the rescue basket when Virgil's attention was occupied elsewhere. Truth be told, she must have had a kitten from another litter clamped tight in her maw because Virgil found her and gave her back to her owner whom they'd rescued from the burning complex. But he didn't find the kitten until he'd gotten back to the island and was cleaning up from the rescue.

The kitten was old enough to run around and its ears and eyes were opened, so Virgil knew the kitten was over a month old. Virgil hadn't known what to do with the kitten, sure he adored cats and dogs alike, but he knew their life was too hectic to have a pet. He'd carried it through the halls with the intention of taking it to his dad's office when the kitten's ears perked up and it jumped from Virgil's arms. He'd been forced to give chase and he had to admit the kitten was a damn fast little critter. Running silently through the darkened halls, Virgil felt dismayed when he noticed the kitten run straight into Alan's bedroom. He didn't want to wake his little brother; considering it was well past two in the morning, but when he turned on his LED light in his phone he searched around until he saw what he couldn't believe.

The kitten had somehow gotten onto Alan's bed and was making an effort to calm the younger boy from what appeared to be a nightmare. The kitten was rubbing it's furless skin along Alan's cheek and purred audibly. Virgil stood by for a few more minutes and watched as the kitten calmed Alan down and crawled onto the pillow that Alan's head was resting on and curled up on top of his brother's head.

Virgil smiled again at the reminder. It was a sweet memory after all. The next morning, Alan was woken up by purring and he'd gone to their dad and used the patented puppy pout to win over their dad. Jeff nodded his approval after Virgil gave his account of how the kitten had worked to calm Alan down from his nightmare.

Skip forward two weeks and the kitten still didn't appear to have a name. Or if it did, Alan hadn't announced it. Virgil walked over and crouched in front of Alan.

"Hey kiddo, can you tell me what the little guy's name is?" Virgil asked to which Alan replied softly that it was a girl…not a guy. "Okay, can you tell me her name?"

"Sheba…" Alan whispered.

"Sheba? I like it. Works for a cat so regal." Virgil commented as he watched how the kitten, formerly known as no-name licked her paws and proceeded to groom. Sheba stopped mid-lick to look at the brothers. She stood up and walked over to Alan and crawled into his lap, getting comfortable before she started purring. "You like her Al?"

Alan nodded silently with a barely there smile. Virgil wished there was more he could do to bring Alan out of his self-imposed silence but he knew better than to pry. Alan didn't handle prying very well, often getting mad in the past and on the defensive. Even Fermat hadn't known what was wrong with Alan, or if he did…mum's the word.

"Hey Al, I'll be up in my room. If you need anything or have any questions come let me know." Virgil said, extending the offer that if Alan wanted to talk, Virgil would be in his room where he could speak freely. All the brothers knew Virgil was an excellent secret keeper and he maintained a doctor/patient confidentiality even if it wasn't medically relevant.

Alan nodded quietly but didn't make a move to get up. Virgil playfully ruffled Alan's hair before he left the living room to go to his room. He wanted to do a little research on how to potentially help Alan and he couldn't do that with Alan being in the same room. Virgil was bad at not looking sympathetically at his youngest brother.

… … … … … … …

Heaving a sigh Virgil looked closely at the screen as he tried to understand the psychology behind Alan's self-imposed silence. His brother had been bullied at school, and Alan had become self-destructive to cope with it. When they'd asked Fermat, what Alan had been doing, Fermat wouldn't say. He just shook his head and told them he promised he wouldn't tell anyone. Both Jeff and Brains had tried getting him to open up about it, but Fermat maintained that he wasn't going to betray Alan's trust.

What little they knew of the situation, Alan got bullied in class when the teacher left the room which was frequently. The school had to make cutbacks and they'd fired the librarian. The teacher that left the room frequently had to go and check on the students in free period in the library every fifteen minutes or so and would leave the students in Alan's shop class to their own devices. Alan would get cornered by a few of the boys in his class and teased because he hadn't gotten a girlfriend from the neighboring school. Never mind the fact that Alan said he wasn't allowed to date until he was sixteen. The other boys in his class made gay jokes and other lewd comments to Alan about his preferred taste. Alan wasn't gay, had always ogled girls when they went on family vacations. But no matter what he said in his defense, the bullies were relentless.

Alan had developed CVS or cyclic vomiting syndrome and any time he saw those that bullied him he'd get sick. After losing weight he couldn't afford to lose, skipping meals to avoid the bullies that targeted him the moment he entered the room and having his locker graffitied one too many times, Alan had been pushed too far.

Virgil would never forget the call. Fermat had been frantic when he returned to their shared dorm to find Alan already in bed at five in the evening. Fermat said he'd contemplated leaving Alan to sleep but something just hadn't seemed right. He went to check his best friend and found him grey with pallor. When he tried to wake him, and failed he physically rolled Alan onto his back and saw the X-Acto knife and the blood on both of Alan's arms. He'd panicked and screamed for help, bringing the hall director running. The assistant hall director of their dorm had entered also and restrained Fermat when the younger boy tried to get to his best friend.

An ambulance whisked Alan away to hospital and Fermat called the island in tears. His distress and the news of Alan being taken to hospital for treatment of self-inflicted injuries had brought the entire Tracy family and Brains to the mainland. Jeff and Brains had found out from Fermat before he invoked his right to remain silent though this wasn't a police investigation…yet. Alan was bullied by a few select students and teachers had done nothing to stop it. The bullying continued in front of faculty and they looked the other way. Jeff and Brains were quick to gather their boys' belongings and demanded their money back before pulling both boys from the boarding school. The school hadn't heard the last of Jefferson Tracy however, he threatened with a lawsuit before he left to go see his son who'd woken up briefly after having the wounds sewn up and bound.

A soft knock at the door drew Virgil's attention and he closed the window on his laptop before he answered the door. His youngest brother was standing outside in the hall looking up at him with worried eyes. Virgil stepped aside to let Alan in and he watched as his brother came in and sat on Virgil's bed. Sheba was still in Alan's arms, standing in his lap and nuzzling his neck. The bell tinkled lightly with Sheba's movements. Virgil sat on his bed beside Alan, though providing enough room for his brother to not feel smothered. He sat in silence and Virgil did too. Neither of them spoke for several long minutes before Alan murmured softly – so softly that Virgil strained to hear what it was he'd said.

"They called me a faggot. I don't even like boys." Alan said softly. He chewed on his lip before he spoke on. "I didn't do anything to them, I don't know why I was the victim."

"Want to tell me about it?" Virgil asked, knowing he was edging on dangerous territory. Alan didn't like opening up about his encounter, kept silent about it anytime he was asked about it.

"You know how we were given free weekends to leave campus?" Alan asked softly. Virgil nodded in reply but didn't speak further giving Alan the stage to talk about what happened to him. "We went to a teen's club, there aren't any alcoholic beverages or anything and we have to have our student ID's to get in. A few girls from the neighboring schools were there and wanted to dance. I don't dance and when one of the girls tried to pull me on the floor, I resisted. She moved on to Joey and Thomas and they started picking on me when she said something about how I didn't want to dance with her. After that I was the target."

"What happened besides you not wanting to dance?" Virgil asked softly as he saw Alan curl in on himself.

"She wanted to fool around and I didn't want to. She kept telling me how good it'd make me feel and when she tried pulling me in the bathroom, I pushed her away and left. I guess I gave the impression that I wasn't into girls, but I was just following dad's orders. I'm not allowed to date until I'm sixteen and I assume doing a little fooling around is included in that order." Alan hung his head, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. "It was on the heels of that that Joey and Thomas started teasing me about being gay and calling me a homo among other things and asking what I liked and…how I liked it."

Virgil had never felt so bad for one of his brothers before. Sure, he felt bad for Gordon when he'd gotten hurt in the Hydrofoil accident and when any of them got physically injured in anyway, but to be psychologically hurt and picked on relentlessly had to have taken a toll. It did as a matter of fact. Alan had taken up cutting to cope with it. He'd gotten so stressed out that he was unintentionally starving himself as well as developing CVS. It wasn't healthy and Virgil was glad they'd gotten Alan away from the bullies, away from that school and back home where he belonged. Both boys had been enrolled in a satellite program recommended by Lady Penelope on the island and were blossoming. Alan's CVS had lessened significantly, only reappearing when he became stressed out over something but that was where Sheba helped him.

The kitten seemed in tune to Alan and she loved to cuddle. She stayed with Alan like a new limb and seemed to sense when Alan was emotionally distraught. It wasn't until Sheba was accidently brought to the island and their father agreed that Alan could keep her that they'd seen him smile again. It was a start and Virgil knew it would take some time for Alan to recover, but he hoped his brother would recover quickly with Sheba's help.

"You know, I know it doesn't make it right or okay – but I wanted to tell you a little secret." Virgil said, changing position on the bed by pulling his legs up and crisscrossing them before leaning forward. The look on Alan's face told Virgil that Alan was hesitant to continue talking. "You know that I was bullied similarly to you?"

"Really?" Alan looked at Virgil with a furrowed brow. His eyes grew wider at Virgil's revelation.

"Yeah, I never told dad or Scott and I hid it from John when he asked about it. I was ashamed, the bullies heard that I'd broken up with my girlfriend and like you it was because I wouldn't fool around. I just didn't want to do those things at that age and I got picked on…pretty badly." Virgil admitted, lowering his voice so it was kept just between the two of them.

"So, what'd you do?" Alan asked as he was absentmindedly rubbing behind Sheba's ears and Virgil smiled at the kitten in his brother's arms.

"What does any teenager that's ashamed of being bullied do? I pulled away, started isolating myself, throwing myself into my art, focusing more on my music and just staying away from my peers. It went on for a few months my sophomore year of high school." Virgil said, smile falling to a frown as he remembered the few months of hell he'd endured. "I had a few friends that stuck by me, defending me against the gay slurs and other suggestions that I was closeted. But finally, it reached a point where I was ready to call it quits."

"Tell me you didn't…" Alan murmured to Virgil, scooting closer to hug his brother that was equally as close to if not closer than Scott.

Virgil held Alan tightly, rubbing his baby brother's back in reassurance. "I didn't…but I thought about it. I just wanted it to stop, I didn't like waking up in the morning and hoping I'd get hit by a truck walking to school or that I just would get lucky and not wake up one morning. Like you I quit eating, became destructive, started doing things I wouldn't normally do to get away from my tormentors. I started skipping class, not going to school, just being an all-around bad student. One of my teachers noticed how much I'd withdrawn and got involved after eavesdropping on a conversation from inside the bathroom.

"What happened?" Alan asked quietly, safely ensconced in Virgil's arms.

"My teacher waited until class was due to let out, called me out to stay after and help clean up, made me talk about what was going on before going with me to the principal to report the bullying. I begged him not to tell dad. You see the bullying made me question myself. I started wondering if the possibility was there of me being…you know and after talking with my teacher and the principal more about it I was told that I needed to quit thinking about it. I was told that it'd do me no good to focus on the subject, I was still a kid and I'd figure it out as I got older." Virgil said offering a half smile to Alan.

"So, have you figured it out yet?" Alan asked shyly, feeling sure he knew the answer but wanting his brother's confirmation.

"Straight as a board, you have nothing to worry about kiddo. You'll be fine. I know it bothers you now, but eventually it'll be behind you and you'll be able to move past. It won't be easy and it sure as hell won't be your last time encountering these kinds of issues, but you can't let it get to you." Virgil said smiling at his youngest brother in hopes that his brother would grow more comfortable with him enough to talk freely.

"The night…that Fermat …found me. I didn't mean to take it quite so far." Alan admitted with pain in his voice. "I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't kiddo. Things like you were dealing with are never easy to handle alone and when you feel like it's just getting worse you feel like your life is spiraling out of control." Virgil said, knowing that Alan was preparing to impart something big.

"The bullying had reached a point where a slam book was made, not just about me but about other students as well. A page was written about me…not just a paragraph, but a full front to back page. Someone thought it'd be funny to Xerox the pages and distribute them to the student body." Alan who'd previously ducked his head in shame at what he was telling his brother raised his gaze to show blue eyes which looked like they were flooded with tears. He collapsed into Virgil's arms as he continued his story. "I got ahold of one of the pages and it was full of hate speech, gay slurs, things saying I should go kill myself and that the world would be better off without me and…I lost it."

Virgil vowed that he'd contact the school to see if one of those papers were kept on file and even if it killed him, he'd hunt down the little maggots that did this to his brother and make them pay.

"I ran. I was in the cafeteria when I was handed a flyer and it was from the slam book. I read it…all of it and I couldn't handle it. Fermat wasn't there to see me run, he had a science club meeting so I was by myself. I felt like I was suffocating and I couldn't handle it. I ran from the cafeteria and straight back to my dorm. I only meant to cut a little, just to relieve the pressure – to feel something and I cut too deeply. I was afraid of going to the school nurse and so I laid down, hoping that if I held still it'd stop bleeding and I could go back to class. Next thing I know I'm in the hospital with all of you guys around me." Alan said, cheek pressed into Virgil's chest.

"You really scared us all. Fermat was frantic when he called us, telling us that he couldn't wake you up and that you were being taken to the hospital. Then the school called to let us know also and that just made it worse on dad. He couldn't wait for us to go retrieve John, flew straight there with Tracy 1. We called Penelope and Parker to ask Parker to take us there when we got John and they were both good about letting us use their services. When we got to the hospital, they'd gotten you stable. Out of the critical zone. Dad barely left your side and even when he did you had one of us with you until you woke up." Virgil said, sad at remembering how eerily similar things had been to their early lives. "It was almost exactly like when mom died and you were in the hospital after the accident. You quit talking, mostly made little noises in place of speech and we wondered how to get you back. This time sadly was no different."

"I'm sorry." Alan whispered, sad beyond all recognition because he'd caused this.

"Don't be. It's not like you asked to be bullied." Virgil said before reaching Alan to reach the kitten taking the time to begin stroking Sheba on the top of her head. The kitten purred at the affection, but didn't do much else.

"I'm still sorry. I could have found other ways of releasing the stress of being bullied, but I couldn't find an appropriate outlet. The guys that bullied me were on my sports teams, were in all my classes and lived in the same hall as me and Fermat. I didn't know what else to do. I thought about running away, but I didn't want to cause a search to come up. I went for the outlet I knew." Alan admitted.

"How long were you cutting before this incident?" Virgil asked hoping to have his brother talk more with him.

"A little over a year." Alan murmured. "I started just after the hydrofoil accident, when Gordon was discharged to rehab."

"Can I ask why?" Virgil asked knowing without a doubt that he was crossing into yet another dangerous territory.

Alan merely shrugged his shoulders, unsure of why he started himself. It wasn't like he'd just decided that it was what he was going to do, he didn't know why he started. Best he could figure was that he just got too stressed out and made a wrong decision.

"Well, promise you'll come to any of us if you feel like you're getting too overwhelmed again." Virgil said, hoping his brother began to understand just how worried they all were for him. "We love you and Sheba loves you…we don't want to lose you."

"I'll try." Alan whispered before he was pulled into a hug by Virgil. Sheba squeezed between the two of them and gave a squeaky meow, before staying squished between the brothers contentedly. When Alan pulled away he offered Virgil a tremulous smile before Virgil ruffled his hair.

"That's all we're asking for kiddo, we hate seeing you keep to yourself the way you've been doing so far. It feels wrong that the house is so quiet, especially since we know this isn't your normal." Virgil said softly, carding his fingers through Alan's hair. "We want our loud mouth back, and I mean that in the kindest way possible."

Alan's smile dropped completely and the youngest withdrew from his older brother marginally. Virgil knew something else was bothering his brother and wanted to know what. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Alan shook his head, frown stealing the light from Alan's eyes.

"Don't give me that. What else did they do to you?" Virgil asked, careful to sound caring instead of overpowering and angry.

"It doesn't matter." Alan whispered.

"Yes, it does. Tell me." Virgil gently demanded of his brother. He watched until his brother seemed to harden his resolve before he softly revealed what other injustices the bullies had put him through.

"They told me my voice was annoying, that I made people want to kill themselves. Every time I'd speak in class to even answer a question, they'd say things like 'here we go again', none of my teachers tried to stop them when they'd heckle me or say things like I should kill myself to save them the trouble of seeing my ugly face." Alan's voice became more strained the more he spoke until it was hard for him to make more than a little noise in his throat. Virgil didn't hesitate to pull Alan into a firm hug when he saw how much the things said to Alan had hurt him. It angered him beyond all possible thought. Virgil felt extreme rage burning hot in his veins at his baby brother's pain. The fifteen-year old didn't deserve the pain he'd felt. Nobody deserved that kind of pain.

"Don't believe any of that crap, you know you're not annoying. You don't make any of us want to kill ourselves. You're my little brother, and I'm sorry you had to deal with all of that alone." Virgil said, keeping Alan crushed tightly into his chest while his baby brother sobbed out the hurt.

"I don't know why they said those things to me…I didn't do…anything to deserve that kind of treatment. Nothing, so why? Why did they think it fair to make me hate myself? Hate being alive?" Alan asked, pulling away to look at Virgil despite his eyes being almost completely obscured with tears. The older brother watched as the tears broke free, joining the other tears with their journey to drip from Alan's cheeks.

"Because they're jealous, they want what you have. An amazing dad, a beautiful mother that stopped people the moment she entered a room, brothers that love and protect their own, wealth, family, friends…you have what they want and they don't like you because of that. You have what they want and so they're just making you question your worth. You don't owe them any explanations. You're here now and you are finally getting what you wanted, an education from the island. You don't have to leave home nine months out the year, just to get a decent education. You can stay here, be with your family, people that love and adore you. Practically everything you could want."

"I just wanted to fit in, like a normal kid. Why can't I just be some ordinary kid? Why do I have to be singled out because of my father's earned wealth? I didn't ask for dad to become a multi-billionaire, I didn't ask for any of it, so why should they feel like I don't matter? I'm still a person, I have feelings and it just sucks that I should face this, maybe not completely on my own, but alone. Fermat only understands half of it, so do all of you…no offence. I didn't want this." Alan whispered brokenly. When Virgil looked down at his little brother, he loathed the kids that had been so cruel to Alan. They made Alan question himself, his self-worth, practically anything about him and he wanted more than anything to make those kids understand just how badly they'd treated Alan. Karma is a bitch that's all he wished to say in that moment.

"I know you didn't want this kiddo, but you did and it's over now. Dad has said he won't make you go back. He's making your education permanent to the island." Virgil said as he hugged Alan again, offering comfort to his brother while he worked to compose himself. Virgil grabbed a tissue from the box on his nightstand and handed it to Alan to mop up his face. He knew if Scott and John, hell if their dad or Gordon saw Alan the way he was with a puffy face, swollen eyes and a runny nose – Virgil would be grilled even if he told his family that he'd been told in confidence that Virgil would keep Alan's secret.

"I bet you think I'm just being a big baby. What kind of teenage boy can't handle a bit of bullying from his peers? It's not like I'm the first to be bullied and called names." Alan said as he blew his nose. "I feel like such a wuss."

"You're not a wuss, it's okay to be upset. You were hurt badly by your peers. Boys you thought were your friends and teammates." Virgil said. "I wish there was something I could do to help you get past this."

"You did." Alan whispered as he stroked the kitten that had climbed up Alan's shirt and laid along the back of his neck to nuzzle him. "You brought me Sheba."

"She really helps you, doesn't she?" Virgil asked as he reached up to rub the side of Sheba's head.

"More than you'd know." Alan replied as he turned his head to look at Sheba who ran her sandpaper rough tongue across Alan's cheek. "Thank you, Virgil."

"No problem kiddo." Virgil said before he gathered Alan and Sheba in his arms and gave them both a tight squeeze. "No problem at all."