/I'm so sorry about this, it's so bad ahh… But, it's been a while since I've written anything, so I hope you'll forgive me ^^'. This is an AU take on the Hamil scene from Jude's side, with a super lame shippage twist.
He'd slipped in like a shadow-silent, undetected. Not that it really was much of a feat, considering the clinic was busy as ever and no one would have thought for a minute that the mercenary was something to worry about anymore. The Schism, Exodus-it all seemed like some long-forgotten fairytale as of late.
Still, though, Jude found himself with his face buried in Alvin's chest now, his eyes shut tight. He could hear the man's heart beating loudly, could feel him tensing up more each moment. He clenched his teeth anxiously, but still he didn't resist. All of the fight he had in him was long gone.
Alvin's finger shook on the trigger as he traced the barrel of his gun along the boy's back. This wasn't how he imagined this. Suddenly he felt like a different person entirely; where was it, that resolve that had driven him this far? What was holding him back now, of all times, when he could have everything he'd ever wanted if he could just...
Just kill this boy, who had believed in him more than any other human had in all the years he'd spent there in Reize Maxia. He was an outsider, always had been and always would be. That was how he lived his life. But to Jude, he had gone beyond that. He was... he hesitated to use the word "friend", as much as he wished he deserved that honor, but he knew that the young man would use it in a heartbeat if he was in his right mind.
"Damn it!" He threw his weapon on the ground violently, grabbing Jude's shirt and bracing himself over him on the mattress. "Why won't you fight me?" he spat desperately, his hands trembling.
"Why should I?" There was a sharp edge to his words, though his voice was barely above a whisper. "Just get it over with."
How could he do it, though? How could he kill this boy? He didn't have the strength to turn his head away, let alone to make a decision that his life should end. It should have been easier, he knew, if his adversary wouldn't fight back, but…
"Why?" He found himself biting his tongue, trying to keep his voice down as his emotions overflowed. "You sure have a lot of nerve asking me that!" He grasped the boy's collar and lifted him so their faces nearly touched. Jude tried to avert his gaze weakly, but he shook him until finally his lifeless golden eyes met Alvin's stare. "You're just gonna roll over and die, is that it? After everything you went through?"
He didn't want to do this; that was the only thing in the world he knew for sure.
"Why not?" That made the man somehow angrier. Was Milla really the only thing the boy cared about? After all they'd been through, he didn't even consider for a moment the rest of them? His face felt hot as the blood rushed through his veins; he could barely tell until he noticed a small droplet fall on the boy's face that he was crying. In all his life, he'd never felt so torn.
He could kill the kid and go home to a world that probably had no place left for him anyway. Or, he could let him live and spend every day again in hiding, wondering how things might have been different if he'd just controlled himself for once. "Don't you get it?" he snapped, squeezing him so tight that his body tensed visibly. "You've got your whole life ahead of you. You could do whatever you want! You think Milla wanted you to throw everything away? That's why she went out of her way to save everyone?" He choked on his own words, wishing now more than ever that he'd never survived the shipwreck that had taken his family from him. Who knows what would have happened to the world, how things might have been different; it was in his nature only to care about himself, whether he liked it or not.
He released his grip and dropped the boy, letting himself fall onto the mattress beside him. "I can't do it," he muttered flatly, pressing his palm to his forehead with a broken laugh. "Can't even commit to myself, can I…"
For a while, neither of them made a sound or moved a muscle. Alvin's head was spinning, and he wasn't holding his breath anymore on getting any real response from Jude. Finally, though, the surreal silence was broken by a quiet whisper.
"Alvin…" Taken aback, he turned his head to look. Somehow it didn't seem possible that it'd been the young man who had spoken, but there was no other possibility. "Can you promise me something?" Trembling fingers tore into the sheets, clinging to the fabric for dear life. He received no reply, and his voice cracked with desperation when he repeated his question.
"What does it matter if I promise you anything? Haven't you learned not to trust me yet?" Alvin muttered, tilting his head to get a better look at Jude. His eyes open wide, the boy suddenly slipped his arms around the mercenary.
"I don't care about that…! Please… " he whispered, unable to resist his tears flowing anymore. He knew Alvin was right. Milla wouldn't want their work to go to waste, not now. "At least just humor me."
"What is it?"
"Don't disappear, okay…?"
With that, one hand firmly grasped Jude's shoulder and the other slipped around his back to pull him close. "I'll do my best, all right?" He couldn't help but laugh-there he was, a cold-hearted bastard who'd done nothing but get in this kid's way, who had just minutes ago pressed a gun to his back, and still the honors student was fretting over him.
"You'd better. I can't… I can't lose you too." Alvin pressed his lips to the boy's forehead; in that moment, nothing seemed more natural to him.
Jude closed his eyes again, and the man held him tight in his embrace until he was sure he'd fallen asleep. "Don't worry, kid. It ain't that easy to get rid of me."
He'd gone as easily as he'd come in. Maybe their paths would cross again, as they seemed so prone to doing. He wished, for both of their sakes, that he could break this promise like all the others, but… something in his heart told him he'd be back before long.