Disclaimer: I do not
own Gundam Wing. They are owned by
Sunrise, Bandai, and several other companies I can't remember. I am not making any money off of this
fic. Please don't sue! This is for hentai entertainment only. Please don't sue!
I miss you.
Yesterday I could swear I heard you call my name. I stopped in my tracks, head craning on my
neck, ignorant of the people swarming around me. I peered through the crowds, desperate for just a glimpse of
you. All I saw were unknown faces. There was no sign of you, just the empty
echoes resounding in the corners of my heart.
I made my way home in a daze. It seems that you were with me for every step I took, hand warm
on my shoulder. The warmth disappeared
the moment I stepped through the door of my small apartment; instead I was left
with the cold ache I've lived with for so long. For a moment I was tempted to turn around, to continue walking
until I could go no further, all to have that warmth back again. I didn't give into my impulse. I carefully closed the door behind me,
trapping myself into my private hell.
You'd think that after six years, I'd stop turning to you to
share a laugh or make a comment on something I'd seen today. You'd think that I'd stop straining my ears
for the sound of your tread on the stairs, for the sound of your breathing in
the night.
Last night I woke with tears wetting my cheeks, arms
reaching out for you. Of course you
weren't there. You never are. I lay there in the darkness, cursing the
fact that I still live even after my heart has stopped beating.
I move through my days like a ghost, drifting from home to
work and then back again. It's almost
as if an invisible wall surrounds me, buffering me from the world outside. On the surface I seem unchanged, interacting
with co-workers and those who consider themselves to be my friends. But in truth I am locked somewhere deep
inside. I'm frozen, unable to reach out
to another person for the comfort and companionship every man craves.
Why did you leave?
I saw Relena the other day.
It was unexpected. For years I
had avoided anything and anyone that reminded me of you. She seemed happy to see me, hesitant as she
asked me how I was. My mouth tasted
like ash as I lied and told her that I was doing fine. I know that she didn't believe me. She's always been able to read me, no matter
how I might wish it otherwise. I could
hardly look her in the face, knowing that I would see pity in her eyes. Even after all these years, she still pities
me. I hate her for it.
I've tried to stay away, but I can't seem to help
myself. Every Saturday, just like
clockwork, I show up here. I clean away
the dead flowers and replace them with new ones. I brush my fingers against the carved letters of your name, as if
by doing so I can bring you back to me.
I'm sorry I lied to you when I said I wouldn't be alone,
that I would be all right. To ease your
pain I told you what you wanted to hear, even when I knew that it wasn't true,
that it could never be true. When you
left, I lost the only person I'd ever loved.
When you left, you took my heart and soul with you. Now all I can do is wait.
I love you, Duo.
Someday I'll be with you again.
Ninmu ryoukai.
