Chapter 1: The First Day
A/N: Hi! This is my first multi-chapter fic so I'm fairly new to all this. This story was inspired by the wonderful acting of the cast of Legally Blonde at the NFCT. Their small gestures had me cracking up and I loved it so I decided to turn it into a story. So! Please sit back, relax, and enjoy my fanfic about Legally Blonde!
Disclaimer: no matter how much I wish I did, I do not own Lagally Blonde. If I did this would not be called fanfiction :)
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Emmett hates the first day of classes.
Yes, when court is in session and he is grilling a witness, words just roll off his tongue. But when it comes to meeting new people and initiating a conversation, his tongue is still in the courtroom, it seems. So when the job description for being a teachers assistant, to Callahan no less, includes meeting with a group of students and trying to make them feel welcome, giving some sort of a speech just before Professor Callahan walks in, and then having to hear Callahan's "Blood in the Water" speech all over again... Emmett just wants to hide in his apartment and stay there until classes are over in June. But unfortunately, if he wants to get paid he has to actually do his job. So on the first day of classes, Emmett found himself talking to 3 out of 4 of the freshmen in his "welcome group."
"So... Lets go around and tell everyone a little bit about yourself." Emmett started.
"Aaron Shultz. I won a Fulbright and a Rhodes. I write financial software codes..."
Emmett started thinking about when classes would officially end, and had to shake himself to make sure he was actually paying attention to the person talking.
"Harvard's the perfect place for me!" Aaron finished.
"Pretty impressive, good to know." Said the rest of the kids.
"Welcome to Harvard." Emmett smiled. One down, 2 to go. Pretty soon everyone had finished but "ENID HOOPS!" who was still ranting about how women were better than men. Suddenly, as Enid ran out of steam, a brightly dressed girl came up with her dog trailing behind her. "Hi!" She said enthusiastically. Receiving no response from the rest of the group, Emmett opened his mouth to reply, but the girl had already moved over by Enid. "Hi!" She repeated. " I'm Elle Woods!"
"Enid..." Enid muttered, adjusting her glasses and looking down at the ground. "Omigod! We both have names that start with an E!" Elle seemed really excited. Smiling to himself, Emmett realized Elle's charm and enthusiasm was contagious. Oh my god, we're like, practically twins." Enid was laying on the sarcasm kind of thick. Before anything could escalate too quickly, Emmett interrupted. "We're just going around the circle. Tell us something about yourself."
"Ok." Elle began. "I'm a Gemini with a double Capricorn moon. I have a bachelors degree in Fashion Merchandising..." Suddenly a torrent of words came out of her mouth and all Emmett caught was the fact that this Elle had a degree in fashion merchandising and yet she was here. At Harvard. One thing Emmett knew about the rest of the day is that it was not going to be boring. "And just last week, I talked Beyonce out of buying this truly heinous cable knit tube top. Whoever thought tangerine is the new pink is seriously disturbed!"
"I... did not know that." Emmett decided to be truthful. Elle smiled. "Oh! Does anyone know where I can find Criminal Law 101 with Professor Callahan? And... Warner Huntington the Third...?" Elle asked. "Well, we are all headed there, so I'm sure someone..." Emmett had never seen a place clear out that fast. "...could help you?" He sighed. "It's in Hauser, second building on the left." Elle smiled at him. "Thanks so much." She started to walk off and with her little dog in her arms. "Uhh..." Emmett started. Elle turned. "I don't exactly think dogs are allowed in class..."
"Oh. Bruiser's not a dog. Bruiser's family!" Elle responded. Was this girl for real? She cracked a smile. "He'd be happier in my room anyway. Bruiser loves Glee! See you." Emmett watched her walk away with a bemused expression, wondering how the heck she was going to survive Callahan's class.
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Pulling out the folder of academic rosters, Emmett made his way back to Callahan's classroom. The first of the students started lining up in front of him. Shultz, Aaron got his sheet and walked into class. So did Scheer, Kimberly... Jacobs, Caitlin... And Hoops, Enid. Just as Emmett handed Huntington, Warner III his paper a very pink blonde girl crashed into the back of Warner, shoving him into Emmett. "Elle?" Warner asked. "Oh! Migod Warner! I totally forgot you go here." Elle smiled. Emmett finished handing out the rest of the sheets.
"What are you doing here?" Warner asked her, incredulous.
"Oh, I go here."
"You got into Harvard?"
"Yeah, like its hard?"
Emmett walked up to the two. "Umm, Woods-comma-Elle?" He asked, holding out the last paper in his folder. "I think this is for you..."
"Ooh! Is this my social agenda?" She squealed. "No..." Emmett responded with a smile. "Your academic roster?"
"Oh yeah. There's that." Elle shrugged and turned to Warner. "We should totally catch up after class!"
"Who is that?" Emmett asked Warner after Elle left.
"My ex-girlfriend."
Now Elle's comment on the bench outside class made sense. But if Elle and Warner broke up, why is she here? Emmett wondered.
Emmett checked his watch. It was almost time to start class. "Ok, everyone take a seat. Callahan should be here any minute." Murmurs filled the room. Emmett cleared his throat. "3 years ago, I was sitting where you are sitting and I heard the same rumors, Callahan's ruthless... He bathes in the blood of sheep... (Emmett got a few laughs on that one.) Blah, blah, blah. But what you really need to know is-" And someone cut him off. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used against you." Callahan had entered the room. Immediately everyone straightened and opened their laptops. That is, everyone except Elle. She straightened, like the others, but beamed at Callahan and flipped open her... fuzzy pink notebook. Emmett shook his head. Now all traces of the amusement he had with this "Woods-comma-Elle" and her pinkness were gone, in it's place was sympathy for her. Callahan would pounce eventually, it was almost inevitable. He himself was the embodiment of the old joke, "a lawyer is a shark." People who were unprepared were weak prey in his mind. And while Emmett admired Callahan for his dedication, that mindset was where they differed the most. Emmett didn't feel the need to be as fierce as a shark, as long as you were paying attention and quick on your feet you could still have success in the courtroom.
By now the room was dark. Emmett chuckled to himself. Callahan really liked to scare the students. If you weren't scared by now you would have had to have seen this speech before (that applied to Emmett) or be really over-happy about everything. Thinking about happy, Emmett stole a glance at Elle. She was sitting with a wary expression on her face, but she wasn't trembling like some of the kids in the classroom. "Ms. Hoops. Another hypothetical." Callahan chose another victim... *cough* student. Surprisingly, the hand that went up in the air was still, no shaking at all. "Say you're offered a bundle for defending a hit man for the MOFIA elite. Claims he missed his chosen prey, killed a nun and drove away, running over 3 cute puppies in the street."
"What, you think I wouldn't defend him just be cause he's a typical man?" Ms. Hoops retorted. Callahan just laughed. Soon the whole class had joined in halfhearted laughter and Enid was trying to join in. "Oh, you lesbians think you're so tough!" Immediately the room quieted and Enid's jaw dropped. She made a sound like a duck being strangled. Emmett hung his head in sympathy for the poor girl. "Oh dear, I fear my comment has offended!" Callahan pretended to be apologetic. "Hard to argue, though, when you are too mad to speak. Your employment will be very quickly ended when they see how your emotions make you weak!" He motioned for her to sit. Closing her mouth, Enid obeyed. "Now what's my point. I own a billion dollar law firm. So, I hire four new interns every year. From this class I will select four of you. This opportunity is not to be taken lightly as it is a guaranteed career! Do you follow me?" There were nods from about everyone. "So I want to see, what?" Callahan asked. "Blood in the water?" Came a shaky answer from the class. That was the other part of his speech and another aspect of Callahan that Emmett didn't agree on. The professor thought that arrogance and straight to the point strategies were the most effective. Emmett's style was more like the riddle about the one story blue house. The whole house was blue, including the chairs, tables, beds, lamps, and appliances. Even the carpet was blue. Then came the question. What color were the stairs? Now if you told the riddle just right, most people would get confused, and answer "blue", thinking that this was the easiest riddle in the history of the world, but no. The right answer is "there is no stairs because it's a one story house." Many witnesses have cracked under this scheme, especially if they are lying. Suddenly Emmett was brought out of his musings by a fluffy pink pen waving around in the air. Callahan looked startled as well. "Yes? Um, Ms. ..." Callahan started as he looked down at the roster in his hand. "Woods! Elle Woods."
"Well, someone's had their morning coffee!" Callahan smirked. "Could you summarize the case of Indiana v. Herne from your reading?" He turned and waited.
"Well, I wanted to answer the puppy question." Callahan turned back around to face Elle. With a deadly calm voice he said, "But I'm asking you about the assigned reading."
"Who assigns reading on the first day of class?" She laughed. "Good one!" When no one was laughing with her Elle stopped. Her gaze flicked back to Callahan. "You have guts, Ms. Woods." He looked down at the roster. "Ms. Kensington?" A petite girl with long black hair raised her hand. Elle smiled at her and she smiled back, but it wasn't a kind smile. "Say you teach a class at Harvard Law School. A position you are justly proud about." Ms. Kensington nodded her head. Callahan pointed at Elle. "But a girl on whom you called hasn't read the case at all. Would you let it go? Or...?" He left the question hanging in the air as all the students held their breath. "No." Ms. Kensington responded. "I'd throw her out." Throwing a triumphant smile at Elle, she turned to Callahan. "Alright then. You heard your classmate. You have just been killed. Yes, Ms. Woods, you have guts, but now they're spilled! If you return, be ready to learn." He turned his back. Elle just sat there in stunned silence. Callahan turned back around. "Well?" Suddenly she turned around and grabbed her purse, pen and notebook and fled out the door. "Any questions?" Callahan asked. No one moved. "Good. Alright, class is dismissed!" A flurry of activity replaced the dead silence that had been hanging over the classroom as each student hurried out. No one wanted to spend extra time with Callahan. Emmett ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "That should be enough fear for the rest of the year." Callahan turned to face Emmett. "You didn't have to do that, you know." He told the professor. "Do what?"
"Kick the girl out."
"She wasn't prepared! What was I supposed to do? She was not prepared, and for my class, you must be prepared. You know that well."
It was true. Emmett's first day in Callahan's class as a student had proved disastrous. He had forgotten his books and supplies in his dorm, and Callahan made an example of him, of course. Needless to say he never forgot any of his books again. But he still knew what it felt like to be laughed at by an entire room of people you had to face the next day.
"True." Emmett relented.
"Why is she even here anyway? If she doesn't think professors should assign reading for the first day of class, why the heck did she apply for an Ivy League school?" Callahan started putting papers back in his briefcase. "Good question." Emmett sighed. "Good question."
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