Small continuation of episode 77 ("Our Feelings are the Same! Usagi and Mamoru in Love Once Again").
There are things we take on faith and some we still need to learn, but every step is one closer to that glittering future.
An annoying and logical voice in Mamoru's head began insisting that, eventually, he'd have to stop kissing Usagi. Not only were they in full view of all and sundry, but it was important they talk to each other about all of this.
The voice was particularly bothersome because Mamoru both didn't want to have to face her (rightful) anger at his lies and the hell he put them through, and also because, well, he really didn't want to stop kissing her either.
But, as usual, reason won out in the end and he pulled away slightly, and loosened his grip on her, letting her return to standing flat-footed rather than tip toed. He rolled his shoulders a little, shaking out the ache from having to bend forward to kiss her. Mamoru had missed that ache.
Usagi's face was flushed an attractive pink, her eyes looked up at him, luminous in the moonlight. Luminous and worried and scared. It broke his heart.
"Don't…" she bit her lip and pulled a little on his jacket. "Don't say you have to leave. Don't say this is… this isn't real."
Mamoru couldn't blame her for her worry. The last time he'd kissed her like this, he'd walked away from her tears, scattering rose pedals in the wind like pieces of his heart. Why should she believe this time is any different? How could she ever trust him again? "I won't," he said, his voice hoarse. "I promise."
She had no reason to believe him. She had no reason to take him back. He'd proven already time and time again he didn't deserve her.
But Usagi smiled. Wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. Automatically, he reached up and ran his hand down the back of her head, tracing the part in her hair with his thumb. Mamoru searched for words in the silence, and came up empty handed.
Usagi shut her eyes and burrowed deeper into his arms. "Didn't you miss me?" her voice broke and took his heart with it.
"Yes," he breathed. "I—" how could he explain? The ache in his arms for not holding her, the loneliness that followed him like a specter. How, like an addict, he needed to see her- even just a glimpse across a crowded sidewalk- even as the sight of her physically hurt him. "God, yes," he said, finally. There was no other words he could use.
"I thought—" she paused and freed a hand from embracing him to scrub at her eyes, "that there was something wrong about me. That you decided you didn't like me … anymore."
He swallowed. "I said those things because I wanted you to hate me." He never in a million years expected her to believe him. How could Usagi ever think she was anything less than the brightest star in the universe? The fact that such a person would or could love him was a fact he still struggled with daily - having no experience with love that he could ever remember.
"I expected you to get over me." It wasn't even until Mamoru said it that he realized how true it was. He woke up every day expecting today to be the day Usagi gave up on him. The day she moved on: happier, freer, better without the chain of his love pulling her down, keeping her from soaring away to the sky where she belonged - a modern-day Kaguya ascending in the smoke of Mt. Fuji. And every day that she continued to cling to him, he felt as much relief as anything else. The realization that he was capable of such selfishness, such possession, rocked him. "I'm glad you didn't."
"Never," Usagi said, with such intensity that Mamoru was reminded of Sailor Moon giving that day's monster the what-for. But it was directed at him, and he knew to listen. "Never, ever, Mamo-chan."
She laced her hands through his. It would be some time before he learned to believe her. It'd be a long journey before she fully understood the depth of his love for her. But for now, this was enough.
"It's late," Mamoru said, brushing his fingers across her cheek. "We should get you home." Mamoru glanced around to check for passerby, seeing no one. It was time to lighten the mood a little - he desperately needed to see her smile.
Usagi opened her mouth to protest, but then the words died in her mouth as Mamoru shimmered away and Tuxedo Kamen stood in his place. She squealed in delight as he scooped her up in his arms and jumped into the air. Usagi clutched at his shoulders, gasped at the view of the city sparkling below as they leaped from rooftop to rooftop (really, how could he do that?). The night air was cool on her face, but Tuxedo Kamen's chest was warm against her cheek. Her house came into view way too quickly, and Tuxedo Kamen set her down, gently, in the shadows across the street.
"I always wanted to do that…" Usagi admitted, her face still warm. She could tell from his smirk, that he always knew it. Mamoru couldn't resist one last kiss, and Usagi enthusiastically wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down for another. He let himself succumb to the soft sweetness of her lips for just a few more seconds, before pulling away. He did a flourish, tipped his hat, made her giggle in delight.
He said he usual formal "Farewell," and turned with a swirl of the cape, then turned and winked at her through the mask. "Until tomorrow." Usagi's responding smile rivaled the sun's brightness, the moon's beauty. (That was good, he'd have to remember that…)
He watched her get into her house safely, stayed until the light went off in her room. Mamoru couldn't say where their path lead, but he was ready to follow, he knew that much at least.