A/N: Written for the Humor themed contest at Tales of Tales (cruxius dot nine-tales dot net) Placed First!
The Perfect Test
By Jadax
The war never ended. No matter how many battles were fought and soldiers taken out, fresh troops always came to oppose him. It was getting tiresome to see how many chefs the Dark Chef Alliance could recrute compared to him. Always, always, he was outnumbered. But of course, he was the light side and they were the dark so of course he'd win. Sometimes though, it never seemed too likely.
Today the Wonder Chef was facing a particularly troubling problem. It was certainly one of those times that a win seemed so far away. Recently, a Dark Chef stronghold had been discovered. Now, usually, this wasn't too terrible. (Any sighting of a Dark Chef was bad, but some more than others). This stronghold was in the middle of Altamira, which made it particularly bad. The tourist industry i boomed /i there; countless numbers of people were subject to this chef's cooking.
How such a stronghold had gone unseen for so long was unfathomable to the Wonder Chef. He had lookouts there for precisely this reason. Perhaps, they had recently gone to the dark side as well. Most troubling indeed.
Seeing as he could no longer trust his subordinates, the Wonder Chef decided to check this one out himself. Deciding that his normal stationary disguises wouldn't suit this job, he undertook a different sort of disguise and attempted to blend in with the tourists.
'Attempted' being the key word here. By all acounts, he stuck out like a sore thumb. Now, he must be given credit for at least wearing beach attire. Unfortunately, the Wonder Chef's attempt at beach attire was exactly the same as the Chosen of Tethe'alla's, except in green.
And so, the Wonder Chef staked out the Dark Chef stronghold in dark sunglasses, a bucket hat with his signature 'W' on it, and a green speedo.
He found the restaurant quite easily. It was situated in a prime location, directly right to the grand resort hotel. Cautiously, the great Chef entered and grabbed a table as close to the kitchen as possible.
After a few tense minutes of spying from behind his menu, a waitress approached him. "Are you ready to order?"
The Wonder Chef peered over his menu. Should he sample some of the dishes here? It'd certainly help in identifying his opponent, one who seemed quite content to hide in his kitchen away from prying eyes. "Hmm, Today's Special?"
Cheerfully the waitress walked off and relayed the order. She had taken the menu away though, which left the Wonder Chef nothing to hide his spying with. Carefully, he chanced a few sideways glances towards the kitchens.
Finally, one of his attempts yielded results. A glimpse of a dark blue chef outfit. Excited, the Wonder Chef continued staring, hoping for another clue.
This, however, diverted his attention from the restaurant itself. A thump on his table shocked the Wonder Chef back to reality. Before him lay the Today's Special, a special mix of curry, and the deliverer of the dish was the cook himself, a very high ranking Dark chef.
"Today's Special, compliments of the chef," the dark chef said. He smirked down at the Wonder Chef, easily seeing through his disguise. How he had managed this baffled the Chef; he hadn't given away any sort of clues!
The steaming hot Today's Special beckoned the Wonder Chef. Presentation-wise, this Dark Chef excelled. It almost, i almost /i , tempted the Wonder Chef into tasting it. He couldn't though, now that he knew the cook's indentity, there was no reason to harm his refined tastebuds by eating something cooked by these evil ones. Not once did they ever cook with heart. The real meaning of cooking was a foreign concept to them, something they couldn't even begin to comprehend.
Because of this, the Wonder Chef had to stop him here and now. Cook-offs were ideal for this sort of situation, but the Wonder Chef had no one handy to claim the Dark Chef's position in the restaurant. He certainly couldn't take it himself, being so important in so many other places.
Hmm, this was certainly an interesting situation. The Wonder Chef had no one to battle the Dark Chef in a cook-off and the Dark Chef was still trying to force the Today's Special on him. The situation seemed hopeless.
"You..." the Wonder Chef was about to say 'win for now', but miraculously salvation walked through the door in the most unlikely of forms. The formidable Raine Sage. "I challenge you to a taste test!"
"What?" This was not a normal sort of cooking battle.
Raine had already wandered over to the Wonder Chef's table and joined the crowd of confused spectators. Excitedly, the Wonder Chef pulled Raine through the crowd to his side. "A taste test! I bet you couldn't name every ingredient in a dish cooked by this lovely young lady."
The ability to identify ingredient was quite a valuable skill. Without a doubt, a Dark Chef who ranked so high would certainly be quite proficient in this. This was the perfect challenge.
"Agreed." The Dark Chef nodded his approval and sat across from the Wonder Chef to wait for his challenge.
Wihtout a second to lose, the Wonder Chef dragged a thankfully shocked speechless Raine back into the kitchens. The shock didn't last much longer, "What is this all about! You want i ME /i to cook you a dish? You always show up praying to Martel that I won't discover the newest recipe you've given our team and now you want a favor?"
The Wonder Chef avoided her intense gaze, "Um, yes? That chef out there is evil! You have to help me put a stop to him!"
This wasn't winning the half-elf over. Recalling a fact about her personality though the Wonder Chef tried a different tactic. "His hobby is destroying ruins and ancient artifacts in his spare time"
"What!" Ruin-mode was evident in Raine's eyes, but the Wonder Chef pulled her back. With a pleading look, he won her over to the taste test.
The Dark Chef was beginning to get restless. It was taking far too long to prepare one dish. He was probably having her prepare the most complex dish he knew in order to test him extensively. Just as he was about to protest at the wait, Raine and the Wonder Chef emerged from the kitchen, the challenge in hand.
She set it before him. Curry. Just like his Today's Special.
"Here we go. Let's get this over with." He placed a spoonful in his mouth and let the flavors escape. Right away he named a majority of the ingredients.
It wasn't looking too good for the Wonder Chef, but the Dark Chef still hadn't named the secret to the spicing. He tried a second spoonful, then a third. He soldiered on, despite the sick feeling in his stomach from the cursed cooking. Eventually, there was one last spoonful and he still hadn't named the last ingredient.
Tense, and feeling the pressure, the Dark Chef tried one last time to recognize the missing flavor. He shallowed the last bite and the Wonder Chef gazed at him expectantly. Furious, he threw down his spoon, "Fine! I give up! You win! What was it!"
The Wonder Chef grinned widely, "A simple pinch of White Satay."
"What! What a cheap trick!"
"No, not really. You couldn't taste it underneath all the other... exotic spices Ms. Sage used to flavor the curry. The bit of White Satay was quite obvious; it helped some of the more conflicting spices work together so it wasn't nearly as terrible as it could have been." Triumph.
Disgusted with losing and quite sick to his stomach, the Dark Chef retreated.
The Wonder Chef was quite pleased with himself and was about to sit down and enjoy his triumph until Raine interupted him, "Wasn't as terrible as it could have been, huh?" Recognizing the impending danger, the Wonder Chef fled, an irritated Raine Sage chasing behind him.