In Memoriam
There is place in the world that Loki has been avoiding since he came back, and every trip between Midgard and Asgard only makes his impending visit loom higher and higher over his head. Loki doesn't want to admit it. He's a god after all, a master of lies and secrets whose power dwarfs that of all but the monster inside of Bruce Banner, but he is…scared.
One night, after another particularly dreadful mission and afterparty, Loki slips away from the group and into the night, ignoring Thor's eyes as they burn holes in his back from afar. His brother cannot be there for this one, to try desperately to hold his hand and keep him from falling.
A little late for that. Loki muses, remembering those last few moments together on the Bifrost.
The wall stands out against the gray building it is plastered to, a multicolored scar in a world of steal and stone. Loki stands before it, eyes roaming over the countless names and faces displayed there. Before him the ground is littered with flowers and incense, Midgardian tributes to the dead.
My fault. Loki thinks, looking along the wall that seems to stretch endlessly before him. All of it.
His fingers brush against layers upon layers of paper farewells and Loki closes his eyes and just breathes. Remorse is not something he is used to, but it seems to be the only emotion he is capable of feeling as of late.
He does not know how long he stands there, feeling the mutual loss of hundreds run up from his fingertips to settle heavily in his core, he just knows it is not long enough. It will never be long enough.
"This wall is a memorial Loki, a reminder of all of the things that you should never forget."
Loki doesn't look up when Fury draws level with him, and Fury doesn't look at him, instead focusing straight ahead at the Avenger's Day Memorial.
"This is my cross to bear." Loki says, staring at the infinity of 'you will be missed' and 'in loving memory'. "And I will bear it."
"Yes." Fury sighs, finally turning to face the god who had endangered the lives of thousands for the sake of his own greed. "But you won't be alone."
He leaves it at that, his coattails swishing behind him as he exits.
Loki turns, not quite surprised when he sees the rest of the team behind him. They stand together in the perfect picture of heroism, a picture that Loki cannot for the life of him imagine his pale, spidery form ever fitting in to.
They stay like that for a few minutes, silently regarding Loki as he waits for them to pass judgment. Finally they turn, making their way back to Avengers Tower in silence.
Loki watches the backs of the world's greatest heroes as they recede into the night, knowing it is not his place to join them.
Clint is the one who pauses, looking over his shoulder at the god of tricks before jerking his head forward, motioning for him to follow.
He isn't sure why this compels him so, but Loki has caught up with the man in a matter of seconds. He looks at Clint, whose soul he had once strung up like a puppet, and mumbles out the words that have been weighing heavy on his tongue since his brother had dragged him back to Midgard. "I'm sorry."
Clint examines him, his expression unreadable. Finally he says: "I know."
A serious introspective to mourn the loss of those who just bombed their finals as hard as I did.
-Schyzotypal X