It wasn't just the Don Draper and Han Solo impressions that made her heart beat faster. It wasn't simply a character he played or the sound of his voice or even the warmth of his hands.
x
"Abed, when you want to, you can ooze sex appeal. You really should let that unending confidence out more."
"Believe me, Britta, that's not how my character works. Deceivingly cool, quiet, and quirky is my MO. My signature. You don't want me living in a perpetual state of lies and impressions, do you? I act however I want, whenever I want."
Britta, Abed, Annie, and Pierce were sitting around the study table, waiting for Jeff, Troy, and Shirley so they could start going over the material. Pierce was engrossed in his phone, Annie was attempting to read, and Britta had been making Abed do impressions of sexy celebrities. Abed slipped into each role comfortably, but when addressed as himself would switch to his usual robotic monotone. Annie was growing more and more distracted by Abed's voice, noting when he switched in and out of character and trying to decide which voice was her favorite.
A few minutes later, Abed broke out of an impression of Brad Pitt in Fight Club, "Annie, am I bothering you? I don't know how to tell that I'm being too loud, I'd hate to disturb you."
The slight concern in his voice, his honesty and just the fact that he was thinking about her made Annie decide that it was his regular voice that was her favorite of all.
"I'm fine, Abed. Keep going."
The smile on his face was just what Annie needed to put the bookmark in her place and focus on him.
x
What it really was, Annie had to admit to herself, was him. Everything about him. His scent, his presence and the heart breaking way he would smile to himself after a particularly dramatic fight with the study group ended in tears and confessions, the smile that softened his features made everything better and brighter. It was the way that everyone underestimated him and the way he could show them how wonderful he was without being arrogant.
She loved him for being different, misunderstood. She loved him every time he mentioned (without ever complaining) how hard his life was before he met them all. She loved him when his past leaked into his present.
x
"Jeff, Annie, Shirley, Pierce, Troy, Britta; this is my younger brother Cyrus."
Abed's brother, a senior in high school, was visiting the school, getting a sample of the different colleges in the area just in case his scholarships didn't pan out, but really, finding a safety school was unnecessary, Cyrus Nadir could go anywhere he wanted. He was a soccer prodigy, recruited by major universities all over America.
Annie could tell immediately that something wasn't quite right. Cyrus was tall, muscular, attractive. Despite being several years younger than Abed, he had matured much faster and was much more comfortable in his skin. He confidently shook hands with everyone in the room with a smile and all the social graces of a mature adult. Jeff and Pierce were immediately impressed by how Cyrus handled himself, and Annie could tell that the whole group was comparing Abed to his brother, could tell that it was almost unanimous that Cyrus was worming his way into their hearts.
But Annie felt something very different. She didn't like Cyrus at all. The more the socially literate boy spoke, the more that she wanted him to leave. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Abed hanging back, clearly uncomfortable with his younger brother doing something he couldn't. She had never really seen Abed jealous before, but while Cyrus was describing his success with his prom date and how he had just won prom king, Abed's eyes were darting back and forth and his lip had curled back a bit into the smallest of sneers.
Annie was struck with the urge to wrap Abed in her arms, to tell him that he was better than his brother in her mind, that he was a great guy and good at lots of stuff. She didn't though, she stood quietly and watched Abed's face grow more and more upset before snapping back to neutral when Cyrus and the group turned his way. Abed took Cyrus back home later, and when he stepped back into the blanket fort much later in the evening, he was worn out. Annie was there, sitting with a sound- asleep Troy in her lap, waiting for him.
"Abed, about your brother…"
"He's great, I know. He's basically perfect."
"He was alright. I honestly wasn't so impressed."
Abed's eyes shot to meet hers for an intense split second before resuming their dance around the room to avoid eye contact. "Annie, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. You're about to give me a spiel about how I don't need to feel overshadowed by my little brother and yadda yadda yadda. I can handle it, and Cyrus is my brother, I love and support him no matter what extraneous emotions and feelings are attached." Abed was letting more emotion into this speech Annie had ever heard, and she knew he wasn't playing a part, "We've stuck together all this time, being there for each other during the divorce. He's what's left of the old times, when we were a family. He's everything to me."
"I didn't mean-"
"I know, but you want to make me feel better. It's in your nature- caring, sweet and emotional Annie. I'm fine, no need. Good night."
Abed climbed into the top bunk, and Annie took the hint and left. Lingering quietly at her door, she thought briefly about turning back and joining him in bed, just to hold and comfort him. She hadn't realized how badly he still felt about his parents' split. But she couldn't make herself do it.
x
She loved the way he pushed buttons and made her think harder about herself. She loved the way she wanted to be a better person with him around. She loved his heart, his soul, and his mind. She loved his beautiful skin and long fingers and impossibly skinny legs. She loved his deceptive strength. She loved every pop culture reference he couldn't stop from slipping out.
Annie loved Abed so much that it hurt. She loved how quickly he grew attached to a computer program and how his passion for his friends drove him to extremes (like stop motion animation). Annie loved Abed no matter what any one said about him behind his back, and she loved him the most when he would allow her to cry on his shoulder when she had failed to stand up for him (he never held her responsible, never expected her to stand up for him, but she tore herself up about it anyways). He never asked for anything, instead he built up walls of television and movie quotes to keep out anyone who wanted to "fix him." Annie loved how Abed couldn't be fixed.
x
"You're going to give up on us someday, Annie."
Annie was cleaning Abed and Troy after a particularly vigorous battle in the Dreamatorium left them both bleeding and bruised and smiling. Abed was sitting on the bathroom sink, Troy on the toilet tank, pants rolled up above their scraped knees and sleeves exposing raw elbows. Annie looked up in shock at Abed's words, dropping the bandage she had been unwrapping.
"Abed, why would you say that? I'm not going to give up on you!"
"You will, you're going to get tired of cleaning up after us and you'll tell us to get real and grow up. It's fine, it has to happen. I'm just pointing it out."
Annie's eyes filled with tears as she looked over at Troy, who was nodding in agreement. She sighed and wiped her face with her hands.
"Listen to me, boys. I'm not giving up on you. I like you both too much the way you are."
Annie stared Abed right in the eyes, trying to communicate all of her love for him in one look. She wasn't telepathic though, and he broke contact with a blink, looking down to examine the Spiderman bandage that now adorned his knee.
x
His walls remained up, she never tried to break them down (she used to try, back when they first met, but she knew better after three years of friendship and movie marathons and platonic handholding and sharing everything), her respect for his walls was one of the major reasons Abed loved Annie.
He loved her as much as any man had ever loved a woman. He loved her big beautiful eyes and her ferociousness and dedication. He loved the soft curves of her body that pressed against him when they hugged and he loved the soft sweet comfort of her hand in his. He loved how she spoke her mind, he loved how insecure she was about her sexuality and he loved when she forgot how insecure she was about her sexuality and used it, like during Dungeons and Dragons. He loved that she tried to understand him and loved her little frustrations when she couldn't quite get him, her determination to get it right.
x
"Abed! No! That's not...that's not ok!"
"But I thought you liked Thor. Didn't you?"
"Of course I did, but that doesn't mean I want you to pretend to be him and kiss me!"
Abed's face remained neutral, but inside he was breaking. He didn't know how to approach her without pretending to be someone else, he knew she reacted well to his impressions, and he just wanted to kiss her again. But seeing that she was blushing and waving her hands in front of her face like she was having a panic attack, he understood that he had done something wrong. Again.
"I'm sorry Annie, I won't do that anymore."
"Just…ask me. Talk to me, warn me, something. You surprised me. And you know, it would be nice to talk to the real Abed more instead of relying on a character between us. Do you understand?"
"No, but I'll try to."
Annie sighed, and Abed could see that her buttons were being pushed. He backed off and went to sit in front of the television. He was acutely aware of her presence, she stood perfectly still for a minute, then walked without a word into her own bedroom, closing and locking the door.
x
Abed loved Annie because she was the only thing that could tie him to Earth. He loved her like the last drink of water in the desert and like the sun forcing its way out of the clouds. She was a breath of fresh air, as steady as a rock, and he knew that perfection didn't exist but she was about as close as it gets. Abed also knew she wasn't perfect, her brush with addiction was evidence of that, but her strength to move past it all and start a new life for herself drew him in, like a moth to a flame. She was so wonderful; she even made Abed think in clichés.
x
"Abed?"
"Annie."
A pause.
"Nevermind, sorry I interrupted you."
"Don't worry about it, I'm not bothered."
Annie turned around and left the living room, leaving Abed on his chair, wishing she would turn around and say what was on her mind. But she didn't, and Abed had missed his chance again.
x
Annie and Abed were in love but never showed it. Abed and Annie kept each other at an arm's length, convinced that there was too much keeping them apart. Annie and Abed never admitted to each other that they cared as deeply as they did. Abed never told Annie that "Han Solo" would have kissed her again given the chance, that "Don Draper" was disappointed that Shirley interrupted their moment. Annie never told Abed that she held his hand not just to comfort him, but also to comfort herself, to indulge herself in being close to him, and to memorize every second of his touch just in case it was her last moment with him. They were too afraid to let each other go, too scared that everything would be ruined. And maybe it was for the better, maybe things would have been fine, maybe not. Neither of them were willing to find out.