I'm not sure why I did this...just felt the need to make a companion piece to Untitled...and plus, a couple of people were curious to what Monica's story was in this...so here it is! I don't know if it's very good, I cooked it up in around 20 minutes hehe, but oh well! Please read and review...oh and the song I used is 'We Belong Together' by Mariah Carey...I chose it only because of the first few lines...cheers!
I do not own friends/actors/ characters...but I would take Chan if Mon didnt want him!
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid
I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I couldn't have fathomed that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Lies.
They ruin everything.
They ruin friendships, relationships, families, lives.
Everything.
She was aware of that.
She knew that now, because she had lied.
And her lie had ruined everything.
Friendships.
Relationships.
Families.
Lives.
But most of all, they had ruined him.
She had lost him; lost the man she had loved.
Lost him because she had lied.
Lost him because she had been desperate.
She had been blinded by the past; seen what had been, instead of what was going to be.
She had been stupid to take the offer. She had seen him come in, on his white horse, and she had been swayed. He had been her old love, and she had dreamed of the day he would come back to her; dreamed of the day they could be together again.
She had been stupid.
And she had lied.
She had told Chandler she didn't love him.
She had lied.
And now he was gone.
'Cause I didn't know you
'Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything
I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't
Hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, 'cause baby
Gone.
Dead because she had killed him.
Not physically, but she had damaged him. She had pushed him over the edge.
He had opened up to her; showed her things that no one had ever seen. Told her things that had never been spoken aloud. He had loved her, and she had used him. She had dragged him along; used him as a play thing until her prince returned.
Until her Richard returned.
He had come back to her and she had left with him.
Left Chandler with those hurtful words.
Those words that she had spoken in an attempt to distance him; in an attempt to believe.
In an attempt to convince herself that it was the right thing to do. That it was true. That she didn't love him; that she had never loved him.
It was only when she had been with Richard; kissed him, made love to him, been with him her prince from the past. It was only then that she realised she had already been with her prince; her prince, her soul mate, her friend. She had realised that, but it had been too late.
He had already been gone.
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please, 'cause
We belong together
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together
She had ruined it.
She had ruined the best thing she had ever had, because she was a fool. She had been desperate. She had been willing to do any and everything to get married; to have kids, to grow old with someone. She had been so desperate and so determined that she didn't care who she hurt in the process.
Chandler had always bounced back.
His parents.
Janice.
Kathy.
Every time God had spat on him, he had bounced back. She had assumed that this would be the case; that he would get over it. That he wouldn't be affected. That he would still worship her, only from afar though. That they still could be friends. That she would never be without his love.
But she had been so wrong.
And she had known it all along.
Unconsciously, she had known that Chandler wouldn't be able to bounce back.
That Chandler was in love with her.
That Chandler saw her as perfection.
That Chandler needed her.
She had known that, and it had made her feel fantastic. To have someone so devoted to you was a wonderful feeling.
She had known all that, and still she had tossed him aside.
Still, she had ripped his heart out with those callous lies. She had allowed God to spit on him once more; she had caused God to spit on him once more.
It had been all her fault.
She had killed him, and she had loved him.
She still loved him.
She wanted to feel him, wanted to kiss him, to touch him, to know him.
She wanted to marry him, have kids with him, grow old with him.
She wanted everything and more with Chandler, but she would never have that.
Selfish.
Heartless.
Liar.
Those words and so much more described her. She was scum. She was disgusting. She couldn't stand even looking at herself. Not after what she had done.
She had murdered her one true love.
Chandler had been her one true love, not Richard.
Richard was an illusion; a fairytale. Richard was a love from the movies; something that you are sure is perfection, but really isn't. A love that you are led to believe will last when the credits roll, but know that it was not meant to be. That three months later, they had gone their separate ways.
That was her and Richard.
Her and Chandler had been perfection. It had been love. It had been real; not movie love, but real.
And she had tossed it away like old socks.
She had tossed away perfection for an illusion.
And now she had nothing.
The illusion had gone; left her for another woman. She hadn't been surprised, nor had she been sad. She had known it was movie love; known that it wouldn't last. She had figured that after Chandler had left. After she had lost her perfection.
She was alone.
And she had caused that.
I can't sleep at night Her friends hated her.
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me
'If you think you're lonely now'
Wait a minute
This is too deep, too deep
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
I'm throwing things
Crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what
I'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life baby
She knew she deserved it. Knew they had a good reason to despise her. She hated herself too.
They had been there when Chandler had died.
Not died.
Murdered.
When she had murdered him.
They had watched him slip away, and they had known the cause.
Her.
She knew that if Ross hadn't been there, Joey would have torn her limb from limb. It hadn't mattered to him that she was a girl. Joey hadn't cared. All he had seen was a killer. That was all she saw now. Ross had stopped Joey from hurting her, but he hadn't forgiven her. There would be no forgiving. She didn't deserve it. Ross had stopped her from getting hurt, but he had made it clear that they would have nothing to do with her; not after this. Not him, not Rachel. None of them. She had lost her family, because of a lie.
And she deserved it.
She hadn't cried. Not when they told her. She hadn't shed a tear, because she had felt numb. She had known it was her fault. And she had known then that she had made a mistake. That she had been with her love; her prince. That Richard wasn't the one. No matter how many times he rode in on his white horse, he would never be the one.
The one for her was gone. The one for her had deserved better.
Chandler had deserved more then she could ever have given her.
He had believed that she was perfection, but that hadn't been true. He had been perfection, not her.
He, with his sparkling blue eyes; eyes that glowed with happiness each time they had looked at her. She had never been worthy of such a glance, least of all not from him.
A smile, reserved simply for her.
A touch, so loving and caring.
And most of all, words that no one had known.
He had told her all, and she hadn't deserved to hear them.
She would never hear his voice again. Never feel his lips against hers. Never feel his touch again. Because she had been stupid.
Chandler had been special.
Chandler had been amazing.
Chandler had been beautiful.
He hadn't known it, and she hadn't seen it until it was too late. He had been so beautiful, and she had ruined him.
He had deserved better, but she still knew they belonged together.
Had she not been selfish, had she not taken him for granted, they would have been together. They would have been happy. They would have been perfect.
But she was selfish.
A single lie and it had ruined so much.
She needed him so much. She wanted him to come back to her, and could believe for a moment that he would. It was still so hard to believe, so she dreamt that he would return to her. But she knew that couldn't happen. He was dead. She had killed him. She had lost a part of herself when he had died, yet it had been her fault. She knew he couldn't come back, and was sure that she couldn't live without him.
But she knew she had to.
She couldn't kill herself. Death was too good for her.
Death was too easy, too simple. Death would mean that she would be rid of her pain.
She couldn't die.
She couldn't leave because she deserved the pain.
She deserved to live, never being able to look into the mirror without seeing a killer. Never being able to see her friends. Never being able to be with Chandler. She deserved to be alone.
She deserved all that because she had lied. She had killed him.
She didn't deserve to die. All she deserved was the pain; the agony.
She deserved to be punished, and she took that punishment gladly.
She had murdered him, it was the least she could do.
But she knew that they belonged together.
She would take that to her lonesome grave and hope to hell that there was such thing as reincarnation.
Perhaps then they would meet again. Perhaps then she wouldn't be so stupid.
Perhaps then they would be together.
But until then, she was left to suffer.
It was the least she could do.
When you left
I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby please, 'cause
We belong together
Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, baby
We belong together