A/N: Parvati struggles with her crush on Lavender.
A/N: I do not own Harry Potter.
Parvati had known Lavender was beautiful since the moment she saw her on the Hogwarts Express on their first day as first years. Not only was she beautiful, but she also knew it, too. Parvati could especially see it now, in the way that she casually tossed her long blonde hair over her shoulder and winked at that Gryffindor redhead she had her eyes set on. Parvati knew it was absurd for her to stare at her friend like this. It was absurd and wrong of her to stare at her friend like she liked her.
Parvati knew she was straight. She'd always been straight. Her sister was straight (although her parents had asked her if Padma was gay because she never admitted to having a crush). All her friends were straight. It'd never been an option for her to be anything else.
She refused to question her own sexuality, even as she admired Lavender's long legs as she twirled in her new dress, asking her, "How do I look?"
"Gorgeous," Parvati told her, and it was true. The dress was a light purple, cinched with a ribbon at the waist and flowing out at halfway up her thighs. There was a sweetheart neckline that she tried not to stare at for too long, and a ribbon that finished the top of the dress by being tied at the back of her neck. "You look fantastic."
Lavender beamed. "Thanks!" Then she sat down beside Parvati on her bed, crossing her legs. "What're you wearing for Hogsmeade?"
Parvati was so focused on the smattering of freckles across Lavender's nose and cheekbones to answer. And the way her eyes sparkled, accentuated by the color of the dress, and how her hair curled at the ends at her hips, and— "Wha—what?"
Her beautiful friend laughed. "Get your head out of the clouds, Patil. What were you thinking about?"
Parvati hoped that Lavender could not see her blush, because now her entire face was hot with embarrassment. "What—nothing. Er—what was the question again?"
She repeated the question, her lips looking so soft and pink... "Er... I dunno. I dunno if I'm going, even..."
"Don't be silly!" Lavender slapped her playfully on the arm. "Of course you're going! It's the weekend of Valentine's Day, after all! You've got to go."
Parvati rubbed the back of her neck. "I...I don't think—"
"Are you afraid no one is going to ask you? Is that it?"
"Er—I don't—Lavender, I—"
"Don't worry, Parvati." She put her hand over hers, and Parvati tried to ignore how every hair on her arm stood up as she did so. "We'll find someone for you to go with."
"But—"
"And if we don't," Lavender continued, and Parvati stared down at their hands, "then we'll go together. You and me. Okay?"
Parvati knew that Lavender was not asking her to Hogsmeade in the way that she might ask a boy, but she couldn't help but daydream... Parvati found herself nodding, even though she was screaming at herself to stop. "Okay."
Parvati didn't want Lavender to move her hand, but at the same time, she wished Lavender had never placed her fingers there in the first place. Then she wouldn't be having all of these confusing feelings... She hated that she did this. Parvati hated herself for loving Lavender—did she actually just think that? She loved...she loved Lavender? No. That was absurd.
She wanted to stop this neverending cycle of watching Lavender from afar and only living for the small touches on her arm and the shared smiles. She wanted to stick a wand into the side of her skull and Obliviate herself, just so that she would stop this unnatural longing for her friend... What was wrong with her?
"Hey." Lavender's voice shattered her cloudy, shameful thoughts. "You okay?"
"Fine," Parvati immediately responded. Did she know? What if—what if—oh, Merlin, what if she knew? "I-I—fine. Fine."
"You—you were out of it for a second there."
"Sorry."
Lavender was still gazing at her, and Parvati relished in it. She was frowning, but Parvati didn't care as long as their eyes could stay electric, staring back at one another, forever... "Are you sure?"
"Yeah." This time her answer was pushy, as she tried to make sure Lavender wouldn't ask her again. She couldn't risk it.
"Parvati, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
"I—yeah. I know."
"Is there anything—"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Lavender tried to press on, but Parvati was sure in her plans to keep her thoughts a secret. Eventually, her blonde best friend went to her bed, claiming to need beauty rest (which she needed none of), and Parvati climbed beneath the covers of her own bed. She pressed the corner of the blanket to her mouth, imagining what it would've been like if the night had gone a bit differently— She tried to stop her thoughts, but she couldn't help it. She closed her eyes, listening as Lavender tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. She sighed. Tomorrow would be just the same. She would wake up, watch Lavender, keep silent about her thoughts, scold herself for those very thoughts, and then go to sleep.
It was worth it, though, because she got to spend so much time with her. If she told Lavender about her strange feelings, then she might dislike her—hate her—ignore her. She never wanted that to happen. Even with the chance of reciprocated feelings from Lavender... She was not willing to take that chance.
At the cost of lost love, Parvati was willing to keep her mouth shut.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
Challenges used:
Fanfiction Writing Month: December [944]:
Challenges used:
Character Diversity - #29 (pushy), Parvati Patil
If You Dare - #598 (Lost Love)
Are You Crazy - #431 (Autumn)