Authors' Note: If you're gay or bisexual please don't read it!
You have been warned!
I have nothing against them but it part of the character bashing of Tidus.
And Tidus fans stay away from this!
You have now been officially warn.
And please flame me privately at: linktenshi@mail.com
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Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the game Final Fantasy X. Square Soft has the rights to that! If I had the rights to it would Tidus be in the plot? I DON'T THINK SO! IF I HAVE THE FREAKING RIGHTS TO THAT I WOULD REPLACE TIDUS WITH HANDSOME ummm…………………….. HANDSOME AND SMART SOME OTHER CHARACTER! :: -.- :: ::Gets hit with a mallet by her friend/co-writer/best friend, David:: Owwww……x_x… And I do not own Jaken from Inuyasha………Who would want to own him!??!?!?!?!? ::Gets hit with a mallet by David………..again::………………OWWW!!………x_x
Now yeah um…….now time for some bashing for Tidus!
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Annie: Gee….Tidus you are gay……….very…………::While I say that we see Tidus looking at a porn magazine………………………………......with pics of NAKED MEN! _::
Tidus: What did you just say?……..::Not noticing anything else around besides me, him, and his Gay Man Porno Magazine::
Wakka: Tidus you're pathetic you know that, ya?
Tidus: Huh? O.O
Lulu: I have never seen someone as thick headed as him before………….O.O………except
Wakka, maybe.
Wakka: Huh? O.O
Yuna: I thought he was my husband to be! BUT! Nnnnnnnnnnooooooooo!!!! He has to be GAY!
Everyone: O.O at Yuna
Yuna: Hehehehehe……..h..e….he……….he……….. ::Laughs nervously::
Annie: Let's just give him the beating of his LIFE.
Everyone: YA!
Lulu: Yuna dear get your rod….and forget about Tidus……remember he's a homosexual.
Lulu: And I'll go get my doll with the mallet.
Wakka: Hey can I join in on the fun, ya? ::Holds up a VERY spiky ball::
Yuna: ::Hits Tidus with her rod thingy and screaming at him 'Why you! PLAYED ME!'::
Lulu: That's it dear hit him right there in the N**s!
Wakka: Ya Yuna! That's the way to go!
Rikku: GO ! GO! GO! GO! It's more fun than disassembling robots! I want to join in on the fun too! :: Takes her most powerful weapon which also inflicts every status ailment .::
Tidus: ::Suddenly regains consciousness:: OW!…WATCH IT!…..IT HURTS!…………OOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!
Yuna: ::Suddenly stops::
Tidus: Thank you Yuna! Now I did not PLAY YOU YUNA! Nor am I HOMOSEXUAL LULU! I want to make it clear that I am BISEXUAL!
Everyone: O.O
Wakka : What's your point, ya , we can still beat you! And I thought I said not to get any ideas about you and Lady Yuna, ya?
Lulu : *With aggravation* why doesn't he let his bones come out? :: The doll is stressed out because he can't pull Tiduss' leg bones out::
Everyone: ::Resumes beating up Tidus::
Wakka: ::Aims his spiky blitz ball at Tiduss' N**s:: SSSSSCCCCCCCOOOOOORRRRRRRREEEEEEE!!!!!!! :: The Blitz ball scoreboard lights up ::
Tidus: Daddy!………….::Covering his um yeah…..um………the place……where the you know is……::
Jecht: What the hell ?! Don't bring me into this!!
Everyone: O.O
Annie: Whatever just continue!
Everyone: ::Resumes beating::
Yuna: ::Now hitting at every part of Tiduss' body with her rod:: TAKE THAT! AND THIS! AND THAT! YOU NO GOOD TWO SEX MAN!
David: Wait HOLD ON!!!
Everyone: ::Looks at David, blink blink::
David: YOU SHOULD USE SOME MAGIC TOO!
Everyone: ::Nods heads, everyone then starts using brute and magical force as well::
Lulu: THUNDAGA!
David: Doublecast - Ultima! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Annie: ::Is please with the sight of how Tidus is beaten:: XD Just keep beating him people! You are being paid if you beat Tidus and how many lifetime injuries you give him!
Everyone: ::Works harder beating up Tidus::
Tidus: Oww!……Ohhhhh!……..WATCH IT!…………I GOT SQUARE ON MY SIDE!
Everyone: ::Stops beating him::
Me: NOT ANYMORE YOU DON'T! ::Holds up the contract he and Square had and rips it right up before his eyes::
Everyone: YAY! ::Continues beating him with no care in the world::
Auron: Now hey hey! How can you have a character bashing and *ESPECIALLY* bashing Tidus without ME!?!??! THE KING OF BASHING! ::Drinks liquor while he says it::
Everyone: Sure Auron by all means join!
Auron: Now let's HEAT IT UP!
Tidus: NO PLEASE AURON NO! FOR YEVONS' SAKE NO! DON'T JOIN THE INSANITY AURON NNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!! ::Crying now:: DADDY HELP ME!
Auron: HAHAHAHAHA! NO USE NOW KID!
Lulu: Take this you no good double sexed man! FIRAGA!
Tidus: :: Being burned at his @$$, running around to cool his ass down:: HOT! HOT! HOT!
Wakka: Ya LULU! Now let me help! ::Uses Iceball on Tiduss' @$$::
Tidus: EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!! COLD! COLD! COLD!
Everyone: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tidus: It's not fun being tortured you know!
Wakka: We know, ya? But being paid just beating you was such a good offer to be passing up ya!
Lulu: I mean how else am I suppose to earn an *Honest* living.
Yuna: I needed a job to do over the summer and a job that pays well too!
Auron: Hey whatever buys my stash of liquor! ::Starts drinking from his liquor bottle again::
Annie: Hey Square hated you also, I just do what they wanted to do to you!
David: Your contract may have said u could sue but OUR contracts said we could BEAT little pansies....you fit the description for a pansy quite well.....
Annie: Let us just get on with it!
Lulu: Yeah we should.
Yuna: No doubt about it! After he tried to be my boyfriend when he likes girls AND boys!
Wakka: Lets just get on with it, ya?
Auron: C'mon! TIME FOR MORE TIDUS BASHING!
Jecht: Just beat the crap outta my son! He isn't worth it to even *be* my son!
Tidus: DADDY! ::Tearing up:: HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME!?!?!??!?! I'm YOUR ONLY FAMILY!
Jecht: Awwwww c'mon look at you! All you're good for is crying! Cry cry CRY! Nothing like me at all! Pants that are one leg shorter than the other! I mean how fashion intolerant can you get?!?!?!?!? Nothing like what the son of Jecht is suppose to be!
Tidus: ::Crying while he says this:: I HATE YOU DADDY! I HATE ALL OF YOU!
Everyone: ::Stares at Tidus like this: O.O, then they all crack up laughing:: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Annie: Tidus you're even more pathetic when you use the elementary way of fighting back! That is so like pre-k! What else can you do besides crying and 'I hate you's!?!?!?!
David: Wait a second .... Tidus is male......0.o.....I would have never guessed in a million......
Annie: Whatever just beat him up!
Everyone: ::Resumes beating him up again::
Annie: As the authoress of this fic I shall beat him up to! ::Takes out what looks like Jaken::
Tidus: NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! NOT THE GREEN THING! NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!
::Screams like a sissy::
Annie: Jaken, use your most horrible attack!
Jaken: Yes, Kikyou-sama! ::French kisses with Tidus::
Everyone [Including me and David]: UUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! ::Everyone shields their eyes::
Yuna: Yuck that was nasty!
Jaken: How you like it Tidus dear?
Tidus: STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU………. YOU………….. YOU……………RAPIST! ::Cries::
Annie: Jaken go home!
Jaken: Yes Kikyou- sama! ::Disappears::
Annie: Should we torture him more?…………..Or just stop beating him up now?
Everyone: TORTURE HIM MORE! ::Resumes beating him up again::
::All of a sudden Kimahri comes through with a car::
Kimahri: Kimahri ronso. Ronso drive car. To kill Tidus and protect Lady Yuna!
Everyone: O.O
Yuna: Since when did you get a car Kimahri?
Kimahri: I don't know, ask the authors.
A/N: How did Kimahri get a car?……….O.O…………Even the author and co-writer doesn't know!
Tidus: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE???????? ::Runs around the um….torture….dome for Tidus, while Kimahri is chasing him with his car::
A/N: How did Kimahri get a car?……….O.O…………Even the author and co-writer doesn't know!
David: Oh wellz.....who cares as long as he feels PAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tidus: :: Now blushing :: Can u bring back that Jaken guy.... since he is male after all...please Kikyou-sama??
Annie: ::Faints from shock::
David: Ewwww! Gross! Tidus you really are a bisexual after all! Eeeeeewwwwwwww! ::Throws up::
Everyone: ::Stops stares looks then resumes torture::
Tidus: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE AGAIN???????? ::Runs around the um….torture….dome for Tidus, while Kimahri is chasing him with his car::
Kimahri: Kimahri have fun! ^_^
Tidus: Do I look like the only one not HAVING FUN HERE!?!??!?!? ::Is still being chased by Kimahri with his car:: WWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Wakka: ::All exhausted from beating him up with the blitz balls:: Do ya think this is tiring?
Lulu: You do have a point Wakka. ::Throws a thundaga spell to power up Kimahris' car even faster::
Tidus: LULU YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!!!!!
Kimahri: KIMAHRI GO VOOM VOOM!
Yuna: I guess it does……..
Auron: What the hell?!?!?!? ::Is high from all that liquor:: THE PARTY IS JUST GETTING STARTED! Bwahahahahahahaha!
Kimahri: Me fun! ^_^ ::Is having a joy ride chasing Tidus::
Rikku: Hey! I got an idea!
Everyone else: What is it Rikku?
Rikku: We send him to a Ladies' Beauty Parlor!
Lulu: Hhhhhhhmmmmmmm….maybe this isn't such a bad idea Rikku………I mean his blonde hair and spikes are getting on my nerves……..
Wakka: For an Al Bhed Rikku your ideas aren't half bad at all! We should fix his punk wannabes spike hair after all, ya?!
Tidus: NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Anything but my hair!!!!!! And no this is not the punk wannabe hair style………..it's called the Wakka Wannabe hair style! Frankly I admire you Wakka dear!
Kimahri: Shut up! Kimahri mad at Tidus. He make Lady Yuna mad!
Yuna: I would enjoy very much to well……………….. Paint his nails!!
Everyone else: O.O…………Yes anything Yuna………..
Yuna: OH JOY! ^_^
Everyone else: O.O
Auron: Do you think we can…….hic………..change……his….hic……….hic……………….give him a ……..hic…….sex……hic…….change?………hic……… ::It is very obvious now that he is very very drunk::
Tidus: A SEX CHANGE ARE YOU NUTS!?!?!?! Wait………maybe it is for the best since I am bisexual………………
Everyone else: O.O
Annie: WHY IN YEVONS' NAME WOULD YOU GIVE TIDUS A SEX CHANGE?!?!!??!?!?!?!? ::Waps Auron with his sword:: AND WHY IN YEVONS' NAME ARE YOU BISEXUAL!??!?! ::Waps Tidus also::
Auron: X_X Oi………….. ::Is unconscious now::
Tidus: A sex change that sounds good…………………………….X_X
Annie: Let's just drag them there.
Everyone else: ::Nods head in agreement::
David: Man .... They're both wasted....Auron on his happy juice, and Tidus on his homosexuality…….
Annie: So true……………..but lets stop dillydallying and drag them to the beauty parlor.
: :So off they go dragging both Auron and Tidus while Lady Yuna skips happily and says to herself 'Must paint nails'::
David: You know something I've been dying to ask this to you Lulu.
Lulu: What?
David: Are those real?
Lulu and Annie: ::Gets smacked to death by Lulus' doll and followed by Annie with a frying pan the size of Asia ::
:: So off the gang go carrying Tidus the homo, Auron the drunk, and David the Perv.....::
Lulu: I get dibs on making over David first!
Annie: Me second!
David: X_X….…::Is knocked out cold and does not hear a word::…………………X_X
:: The gang finally arrives at the 70's Beauty Parlor they had planned to come in order to give Tidus his afro::
Co-Authors' Note: I don't know how or why they are able to find a 70s Parlor in Spira or how they got the directions but let's just continue….
A/N: How am I suppose to know?……………Does the authors' have to know everything?……….Sheesh…..
Woman Number 1: ::Snapping gum:: What do you kids want?
Yuna: May I have a aphrodisiac?
Lulu: You mean afro dear.
Yuna: Yeah, whatever, and one for him too. :: Holds Tidus's unconscious head up by the spiky hair::
Woman Number 2: Sure thing hun!
Woman Number 3: This way please!
Woman Number 4: Now what would you like dear? :: Looks at Wakka in confusment/amazement/awe/bewilderment ::
::She wonders how he does that to his own hair::
Head Woman of Parlor with biggest afro: Excuse me sir, ::Looking at Wakka::, what's your secret to holding your hair up like that?
Wakka: Hhhhhmmmmmmmmm...? What you talkin' about, ya? OH! You mean Hughbert? ::Points to giant hair sticking up ::
Wakka: It's easy all you have to do is.………..WELL THAT'S IT TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND THE ANSWERS TO THESE AMAZING QUESTIONS like; What's Wakkas' secret? How did Tiduss' new hair come out? What happened to me? Will I ever shut up?
These and more to be answered in .....CHAPTER 2!………………..an Afros' Hope…..