Dear mum,
These are the flowers I would have bought you and this is the card I would have written you. I've spent most my life trying to fill in the blanks, asking everyone around me about you. The memories of you tucked away in a box in the attic. I don't remember what your perfume smelt like or what made you laugh, but I'll never forget lying in your hospital bed, drawing picture with you. Your rebellious little six year old.
I'm writing this to tell you were so strong. That I wish you didn't have to look at your daughter knowing that you'll never see her get taller, get heart broken, get married. I'm sorry the fits I threw, the I love you mums I never got to say. And I'm sorry that its taken 21 years to write this card and it's still not perfect.
I'm writing this because I'd give anything just to be able to fight with you. I never got to ignore your phone calls because you were to over bearing. I never got to introduce you to girlfriends or boyfriends that you say are bad for me, and I'd tell you, you dont understand but months later I'd realise you were right.
I'm writing this because I'm angry that I have to live life only part way. All the year book pictures I took without you to do my hair, the lunches I made myself. I feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of being a woman because your not here. Like a part of me is in that coffin with you, holding onto your leg. While I scoot across the floor begging you not to go. Your were so beautiful, its insane to believe anyone as beautiful as you ever existed on this earth.
I'm writing this because I wish you were here, I wish you could see the woman I've grown into, I wish I knew what flowers you liked and that I could put them in your hands than on a plot of grass with your name on it.
I'm writing this because I want to say thank you, no matter how sick you were all that you wanted to do was make sure I felt loved, making me feel like I was so special and so smart.
I'm writing this because I'll never love as anyone as I miss you.
"Happy Mother's Day." Olivia places red roses in a vase in front off Emma's grave stone and sets the card in front of it.
"You ok princess?" Killian asks his daughter. She turns to him and it scares him how much she looks like Emma, the only thing she really inherited from him was his blue eyes.
Olivia stands up beside her dad and he pulls her in for a hug, kissing the top of her head.
"I wish she was here." she mumbles into her father's chest.
"Aye, I wish the same everyday." He replies pulling his daughter in for a tighter hug.