Title: Memento Mori
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: Teach me tonight
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Rory/Jess
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Jess on his life in Stars Hollow and the events leading up
to the accident.
AUTHORS NOTE: Title is a latin phrase that means "Remember that
you will (must) die"
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
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I never knew how it would end.
But I did sense it, though.
Being who I am, I knew something eventually would go wrong.
I just never expected it to happen like it did.
It's the little things I remember.
The others have faded with time and distance.
I can't remember what she was wearing or what we actually talked about.
But I do remember her.
I remember how her hair seemed to shine in the dim lights of the car
and how soft it felt against my hand as she accidentally brushed
against me.
I remember how her eyes glowed like two diamonds when our eyes met.
That's what I remember.
I wish I could tell you that the ghost of her has faded now.
I wish I could tell you that my heart no longer could remember
what it was like to love her.
But that would be lying and I have had my share of lies to last
me two lifetimes.
Maybe I should let her go.
They say that time heals all wounds.
But I know that time heals nothing.
It's just easier to live with the pain.
The fault was mine, so really I deserve all the pain the world
can give me.
And I have learned to live with it.
It took time but by now it's a friend of mine.
I just wish there were some way I could let her go.
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This is the true story of what happened that night, not tainted
by the lies they have told you.
You must have heard it a million times over and over again.
Maybe by now you think you know everything.
But you don't.
There is still so much I want to tell you.
I know that you think that I'm the bad guy in this story.
I don't know how to convince you otherwise.
But I will tell you my story and hope you will listen.
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It started as a rebellion against a society that looked
at me with hate in their eyes.
They said I was out of control, like I was some kind of animal
they couldn't cage in.
Child welfare was contacted.
Teachers, psychologist and even the police got involved in the
battle to try to cage me in.
Eventually my mother gave in and found no other way than sending
me away.
I wanted to hate her for taking their side in everything.
So when I got on that bus that would take me to the little town of
Stars Hollow it was rage that filled me.
I was so angry at the world that I was blind for anything else.
My uncle tried to save me.
It was a mission of his to try to set me right.
But I fought him tooth and nail.
It felt like he wanted to chain me down and control me like
everyone else wanted.
So it became a battle of the minds.
The night I met her began wrong.
I went into that house so sure of myself and so determined
to not let them break me.
I use the word break, because that was exactly what it felt like.
So I went into the Gilmore house with shields raised.
The sense of not belonging struck me and struck me hard.
They greeted me with a smile but instead of taking it in I did
what I always has done.
I turned away from it.
She was sitting on a chair in front of her desk when I first saw her.
I wish I could tell you that it was love at first sight.
But it wasn't.
But I did sense something, though.
She turned around and greeted me with a smile as I entered her room.
My first reaction was to dazzle her with my mouth.
And to show off my 'bad boy side'.
But she wouldn't hear of it.
I made a mistake that evening.
Looking back now I wish I could take it all back.
I never intended to start out that way.
God, when I think about what I said to Lorelai
I can't help but feel shame.
I heard them fighting.
Luke and Lorelai.
I never intended to bring them apart.
It was just me being me.
But it took a long time before I realized how many
I hurt along the way.
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