Buenos Dias! This is my first upload! This is post-Arkham Asylum, so spoilers ahead! I do not own Batman: Arkham Asylum, Batman, Joker, Quincy Sharp, or anything remotely close to DC. If I did...I would have really gotten some new shoes.

My Complaints to the Chief

Dear Sharpie,

How are you? I all right, can't complain-probably because I have little to no teeth in my mouth. But-hey!-that's life! So, I was recuperating here in my nice padded cell from-well you know, last week, when I noticed something rather funny. After everything I've done, breaking into this rat-hole, killing most of your staff, and even turning into a rampaging, Batman-killing monster, your security is still lousy! I mean, really! You didn't change anything, not even painting a bright shade of yellow to cover those beautiful blood stained walls. The guards walk in the same circles, food comes at same time, and (for those of us really off the deep end) medication force-fed daily. For someone like me, never looking backwards, it is ludicrous to see an idiot do the same thing, over and over again. But, you know, I better wrap this up. I just escaped after all, and I do not wish to miss a single guard. By the time you're done reading this letter, I will be long gone, and there's not a thing you can do. In fact, a thought just occurred to me-you probably stopped reading at the part where I said I was busting out. My my, what a lot of free space I have left. But, I think I'll stop here. A good performer must always leave his audience wanting more. Which reminds me, are you familiar with a new Arkham guard called Ted? He's the nice chap who had two heavily armed men hold me down, while he made me take my medicine. Does he have a family, maybe, a wife? You see, I took, or will take him with us, and after I was, or will be, finished cutting him up, I realized I had nowhere to send the pieces. I'll just have Harley send you the package. Please respond and let me know if any bawling brat, or weeping widow comes to ask what happened. Just give them the box, and say with an ear-to-ear grin "Joker sends his remains!" AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA!

Joker: Not to pry, but how did I write a letter when I was in a straitjacket!?

Ved17: (unsure)...You broke out?...

Joker: Ok, I'll believe that.

Luffy: (after barreling on to the scene) Are you gonna tell them!? Did you ask yet!? Can I do it!? (pauses to look at Joker) Who's the funny mouth?

Ved17: Luffy! You do not talk to a homicidal killer like that! No, I have not told them-it was a surprise! How did you even get in?

Luffy: I smelled meat, so I came in through the back door.

Ved17: That door was locked, bolted, and made of steel...

Joker: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA! Looks you need a foolproof door!

?: (from outside) Can I come in now?

Ved17: No! It is crazy enough in here! (Back to you) If you have something to say, good or bad, please review! (As Luffy starts eating louder, Ved ignores chunks of food flying overhead, while Joker pulls out umbrella) Also, if you are a One Piece Fan, I am conducting a survey. Please let me know if you like the anime or manga better. I also call out-Enough with food, you buffalo!-to those of you who have watch, nor heard of ether. I will not post any One Piece fanfiction until 2013, so that gives you plenty of time-(Ved is cut-off by a belch from the now engorged Luffy)

Luffy: Whoo! I'm stuffed!

Joker: (shaking his head) And I though Croc could eat!

Ved17: (huffing) As stated before, I do not own Batman: Arkham Asylum, Batman, Joker, Quincy Sharp, or any of the DC Universe...and One Piece.

?: Tahahahaha! Now, do I introduce myself?

Ved17: (looking at the mess, formerly his kitchen) Only if you have a mop...

Fin!