Disclaimer: I don't own Spider-man, no one owns Spider-man, he's unbeatable! Actually he's owned by Marvel Enterprises Inc. or whatever, so please don't sue.

Our friendly neighborhood Spider-man was swinging wildly from rooftop to rooftop, thinking of his three favorite things, a nude Mary Jane, Green Goblin (his best buddy!) and uh...nude Mary Jane again.

Now where was we? ahh....yes, Spider-man was happily cavorting around with his best friend Mr. Owl, see, Mr. Owl was bitten by a radioactive owl and given owl power (The poor bastard). However Mr. Owl did have something that good ol' Petey Parker didn't.

He had a time machine!

He also had a vagina....but that's a story for another day!

Mr. Owl and Spidey landed in an old abandoned warehouse in Jersey where they ran afoul of Spider-man's greatest foe, (besides arch-duke Ferdinand) the Irishman!

"Bloody 'ell! I'm Irish!" belched the Irishman

"That you are you lovable shit!" retorted a husky Parker.

Peter made quick work of the Irishman by causing all beer in New York to be fed to the Kingpin, who was fat and greasy to begin with, so no one really cared.

Mr. Owl had other things to worry about, he wanted to be the number 1 superhero in New York (good luck asshole!) so he pushed Spider-man into the time machine and sent him back to the 1970s.

"Holy Shit!" yelled a bewildered Spider-beast, "It's Nixon"

"damned hippies!" Yelled Nixon.

-To be continued-