The Prompt:

Fem!Shpeard is ready to have "lots of blue children." Liara? Not so much. 106 (or whatever time frame is up to author) is much too young to have kids. Joker gets wind of Liara not being ready to have kids and offers "friendly advice" of getting a dog. "There's nothing to it. You feed it, walk it, and let it out ever now and then."

Bonus points if Liara ia expecting a dog to be like a fish, nice n' easy but turns out to be a crazy Marley type dog. If Shepard and dog turn out to be insta bros4life.

Not a kink prompt, but a fluff one.

The Fill:

Joker had offered up the idea, and Liara suspected in the next fifty years, she might be able to forgive the pilot. It wasn't his fault. Go get a puppy. They're cute. Little. Feed them once in a while, walk them, clean up after it. Much easier than taking care of a child.

Shepard and the varren would practically nod at each other in the hallway, before embracing. Given that they were nearly the same size, it was somehow was less disturbing. She preferred to think of the animal as a misshapen krogan, because it was simply easier to deal with. Until it came up to her, wild, angry. For what, Liara didn't know. Sometimes she would scream at it, demand to know why it had eaten this datapad, oh, I know that you understand me, you fetch Shepard things all the time and never ruin anything of her's!

Surprisingly, her girlfriend had agreed to the deal. "Yeah, that makes sense. You can't really pet the fish. And the hamster won't allow you to come near him."

But of course the spectre didn't understand why Liara was so interested in having a pet that required maintenance now. And neither understood why the hamster so hated the asari. The important thing was that this could hold off any fraternal/maternal feelings that Shepard got when seeing babies. Especially asari babies. And considering they now lived in Thessia, helping with the rebuilding, there was plenty of concern on Liara's part.

Not that Jane would make a bad father. She was kind, forgiving, patient, funny, sweet, incredibly loving and nurturing, but Liara…had doubts on her own abilities. Every time a parent pushed a child into her arms, she would moderately panic and hand her off to Shepard. Which probably didn't help those desires for a kid. With every girl handed to Jane to care for while she focused on something else, Liara was sure they looked like a family.

When Shepard was distracted by Wrex and his krogan entourage that came for a visit, Liara finally moved in and asked Jane if she wanted a pet. The soft glow of affection appeared in those green eyes, and she'd breathed a sigh of relief over the 'yes.'

"And I know exactly what I want."

Then Shepard came home with it. "His name is Urz."

She loved Shepard, but that didn't mean she didn't sometimes fear for the things she did.

"Jane, are you sure-?"

"I already love him."

They looked deep into each other's eyes.

When it gave a loud lick to her face, sending her into giggles, Liara knew there was no backing down.

Even as it turned its head to look at her, eyes glowing malevolently.

"He's so sweet," Shepard squealed. "And he can already play dead. It's hilarious. He lies there, in a dark corner where you can hardly see him, and then jumps out howling. And he loves to play tug-a-war."

With everything. Including her clothes, datapads, pictures, books. Once he sent her flying across the room, into the window, and after making sure she was okay, Shepard had immediately begun wrestling with Urz. "He loves you. He just likes to play hard. Don't you, boy?"

There would be a brief peace. Then he would sneak into their bed, nudging, slowly rolling Liara onto the floor so he could take her place. And Shepard would cuddle with him without waking up.

Shepard would make a nice meal, and as soon as Jane turned her head, Urz would stand up and grab Liara's plate from the table. Not even run away with it, but simply flip it onto the floor, and not touch it even then. "He's just hungry."

Was it punishment, for withholding those blue children? She found herself weighing her age, comparing it with Jane's and what it meant. How the matron stage would change her. What they could name the first baby. Compromises were what made a relationship. Her panic attacks eased when Tali and Garrus sent messages and came to visit with their own offspring, and she begun having dreams about blue children with green eyes that woke her from her place on the floor.

Desperate, after Urz had finally chased her from the apartment, Liara came before her love. The one person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Her bondmate, in every sense of that title. "Shepard, if we have a child, would you get rid of Urz then?"

"What? No way. I'd have to get him a saddle. Wouldn't I? Yes I woooouuuld."

She could picture that, perfectly. A little blue baby being brought before Urz, blinking large green eyes, reaching out with sweet innocence to pet it. Horror stole the strength from her words. "Shepard. Let's have a baby."

For once, Jane seemed to catch on quickly. "Liara, are you trying to bribe me?"

"I'm sick of dealing with this thing. I can't even sleep in my own bed. And what's going to happen when we have a child? What if he doesn't like her?"

"I guess Grunt can take care of him." Jane looked heartbroken already, staring into Urz's face. "But we can still hang out. I'll see you around. You can go back to your homeworld, and chase pyjaks. Not chase Liara around, even after she throws the Frisbee around."

"Thank the Goddess."

"Alright. I guess we can start working on that family now…can we get some more fish?"

"Yes, Shepard."

"And a bunny. For the hamster to play with?"

"I suppose. So long as the bunny doesn't eat it."

"It won't. Oh, Urz, I'm going to miss you so much."

"Shepard. Please."

There were tears in those eyes Liara adored more than her own soul. "I just love him so much!"

After all they'd been through, could she deny Jane something as simple as a pet. Even one a terrifying as the varren? Could she stand seeing Shepard so upset over losing another thing she loved? Love. That's what weakened her, and gave her strength not to use her biotics to overturn the bed and send them both flying from it.

"Fine! He can stay. But I want you to walk him more. Do you hear me? Make him sleep in that overpriced bed I got him. And I want you to buy another apartment, next to this one. So we can expand this place."

"Why? Urz isn't so bad that we need to get him a separate apartment."

"No. But we will need more space when the baby comes."

"Really? Really, Liara?"

"Yes. Oh, you hug the varren first. Of course."

But it was hard not to enjoy being pulled into those strong arms, no matter how annoyed she was. "I love it when we compromise."