AN: A drabble I wrote after watching Downton Abbey on Sunday night. I still can't get over it. please let me know what you think of this… writing is the only way I can get over Sybil…
A dull pounding was in the back of Sybil's head. She was sore but not the type of sore she thought childbirth would bring; her limbs and bones ached, her vision was fuzzy and she couldn't think straight. She was warm and not the stuffy, icky, sweating type of warm; she was feverishly warm and Tom lying next to her didn't help. She wasn't full of joy, she wasn't thinking only of her baby, she wasn't thinking of the new life she'd just brought into the world. She didn't know where she was. She thought she was in Downton but she could see her Dublin surroundings. She thought she was with Mama yet she could hear Tom's Ma encouraging her as she gave birth.
She didn't know what happened next. All she was aware of was her headache becoming unbearable and she screamed at Tom, asking him where his sister (her best friend) was and why wasn't his mother here to help her? But then she was at the hospital. She should be working; Dr Anthony would kill her for taking time off.
She didn't notice Tom jump out of bed and sprint from the room. She didn't notice him enter it again with Edith whilst Mary went to fetch Mama and Papa and Matthew went to get the doctors. She didn't register Tom taking her hand and squeezing it as Mama and Papa rushed into the room with the two doctors. All she knew was that her head hurt. A lot.
She was too warn yet where were Tom's arms? Why wasn't she in them? Where was her home in Dublin? Why wasn't she there? Goddammit, she wanted to go home!
"Tom!" she screamed and she didn't even feel his hand squeezing hers so tightly that her fingers were going numb. She didn't know he was there; she didn't know the room was full of people. She didn't know it was horrible and stuffy and warm and unbearable. She just knew she was burning and her head… God, her head.
And suddenly she couldn't breathe. She twitched and thrashed about in the bed as she tried and tried to catch breath.
Tom… was the only rational thought she had in her head. Her head that was splitting.
She gasped a breath and in a millisecond, she heard Tom yelling for help and Mama hushing her, begging her to breathe. But then the millisecond was over and her airways closed.
She was in so much pain. She didn't know what was happening. She could only see the black dots clouding her vision. She could only feel the sweat coating her skin. She could only taste the horrible dryness in her mouth. She could only smell the stench of blood. She could only hear her slowing heartbeat.
"Breathe, love, please breathe for me."
Tom's voice faintly reached her ears. I'm so sorry, my dear, I can't.
Tom's harsh, frantic call seemed like a whisper in a breeze. "Please, my darling, please…"
But she couldn't.