Disclaimer: I don't own Demonata, blah blah blah! You know the drill!
I'm Sorry
I stare at her, into her gentle pale blue eyes and they're like drowning pools to me. Sucking me in. Those eyes that used to stare at me with a cruel, cold, superiority that really used to piss me off. But I guess it was her reflex, her own way of keeping herself safe; that cold, malicious, snooty demeanour to keep people away from her. Like the way I used to loose myself to the madness around Doctor Slaughter. Even now I remember the nickname I gave the cold, cruel, unfeeling doctor who took no pity upon me in my 'time of need' I guess you could call it.
We were in a room that looked like it was made of crystals, even the bed. Every item sparkled under the moonlight, twinkling like stars but my eyes were immediately drawn to her. In a world of madness my first focus was her. She was dressed fittingly for an actress. Long, white gown with a tinge of pink to it, and pink jewels (maybe amethysts) were embroided on it. Her dirty blonde, maybe light brown, hair was curled around her shoulders and she looked like the actresses you see on TV awards; but even without the dress and curled hair, back on the set of 'Slawter', I'd still found her beautiful. Not like I'd admit it. She was Bill-E and I's ultimate enemy back then, just a bossy, smug, selfish bitch, although a gorgeous one at that. Like most of them always are.
That was before the demons. But when they struck, she was brave, so much braver than I'd ever been when I first faced the demons when Gret, mum and dad died. Grubbs Grady, werewolf and part of the Kah-Gash, had less courage than a seemingly average teen actress named Bo Kooniart. Part of me was ashamed, but the other part wasn't. It'd been like a breath of fresh air to see her selfless side. And I'd though she was dead for all that time, after she stayed inside the slaughter; selflessly searching for her brother and father. I doubted I'd ever be able to do that.
After her, Reni had never really been the same. I'd kissed her, and it'd seemed perfect, but every other second of the day it wasn't Reni who I thought about. It was Bo Kooniart; the girl I'd pledged hatred towards. Hah, almost poetic.
I'd denied it at first, of course I had. I had Reni, I had my friends, and I had my uncle and my half-brother (although he didn't know that at the time), but she was always there, I never forgot her. I wanted to travel back to the set and try and find her remains, for some gratification, so I'd at least know she was gone for good. But I could never bring myself to. I didn't want her to be dead; I wanted her to be with me. I wanted to be able to smile at her, and tell her I loved her, although I didn't know I did back then. Life's a bitch like that, just when you realise who you love, their gone. And I thought I'd never see her again, how wrong I was.
When I'd seen her inside Lord Loss' torture chamber, I wanted to save her, bring her back with me. But I couldn't, I was scared, and I was weak. Also I suppose I was ashamed of what I looked like; she was still beautiful despite the blood and horror plastered on her face, whilst I was a monster. Not like it was my fault, but I didn't know how she'd take it. I didn't even know if she felt the same way, she'd never let on, girls seem to be good at things like that. I prayed her knowledge of the Demonata meant she'd be able to accept who I'd become, but I still couldn't bring myself to return. To fight for her, and to save her. How stupid I'd been, that was more Kernel style I guess. He'd done it for his brother, but unlike me, he'd had a real fight. Tooth and bone with Lord Loss' demons'. Not me. I'd left her.
I knew it'd have been suicide going up against the demon master himself, but the other part of me knew I could have sacrificed myself so she could escape. I couldn't bring myself to do it though. I knew I was a coward but it still stung to think of the way I abandoned her; but here she was, in front of me. Flesh and blood, perfect as she had originally been on the set of 'Slawter' and she had her hands outstretched towards me.
"Grubbs?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, a soft tickle in the air.
"Yes…" My voice was hoarse and cracked, I swallowed and tried to crack a smile but I couldn't bring myself to. I knew I should at least try but I couldn't bring myself to, I felt like if I smiled it'd all fall apart, every single piece of the puzzle would come crashing down on top of me. The puzzle of us; Bo Kooniart and Grubbs Grady, demon fighters, friends, maybe even something more.
"It's been so long." Her own voice sounded weary, and her smile was tired, maybe an eternity of torture took its toll on you after eventually; but her smile was still beautiful and crisp, her eyes shining, so the smile was proper and meant something. One of her pale white hands took hold of my own, and the sudden contact made me jump suddenly, but she didn't laugh. "I've missed you Grubbs."
"I've missed you too." I swallow back my possible tears and manage a weak smile. She doesn't look like the over confident, bitchy type she looked on the set now. She looks like a young, simple girl who was raised like any other girl of this age, if you ignored her beauty. A very hard thing. But then her face crumples into one of horror, confusion, terror, upset and…Shame?
"Then why did you leave me there?" Her words cut through me like a scythe and I feel like I'm being disembodied the second the words come out of her mouth. "Why didn't you save me?" The words come out pitiful and desperate, and I feel her pain, knowing how horrible I must have felt. To see someone you know, someone you believe is going to save you, only for them to turn and run like a coward. Leaving you to be tortured by the loathsome Lord Loss, whilst a girl of about your age doesn't help you. I'm overwhelmed with a wave of sickening guilt and burry my face in my hands.
"I'm sorry Bo! I…I didn't mean to!" I know how pathetic and cowardly I must sound as I utter these words, and I know she doesn't believe me. She looks at me, half-horrified, half-confused, but mostly ashamed. Ashamed she ever liked someone like me; I sink to my knees and stare up at her. "I'm sorry! I don't know how many times I'll say it but I'll always be sorry Bo! I promise you I'll never forgive myself until you forgive me." I swallow back the upcoming onslaught of tears and try to look stoic but I know I'm failing. I stand up, shaking slightly and look into her eyes.
"It's time to go Grubbs." She says and I scream incoherently, knowing this has been a dream all along, that I'm going to lose her for a second time. Again because I haven't done anything to save her. She begins to flicker, like a ghost, fading in and out of my vision span as I scream. "Goodbye." She whispers before she disappears into a white oblivion as I begin to fade as well. My eyes begin to close, and before I know it. I'm awake!
"Grubbs? Are you okay?" My eyes flutter open, and the real Bo Kooniart is standing above me. Her hair scraped back into its signature ponytail like it was on the set, exposing her beautiful face, although there are large circles of sleep underneath her eyes and her lips are chapped. Long, white scars painted on her arms from whatever Lord Loss did to her. I never asked and she accepted that. She's dressed plainly. Simple white t-shirt, pale blue jeans, brown boots. Nothing like the designer outfits she used to wear, but times change and people do to.
"Yeah," I mutter as I push myself to my feet. "I'm fine, thanks for asking though." I smile courteously. The only things we've ever discussed are our brothers; Abe and Bill-E. Both dead of course, but it means we have something in common. You could argue I had that in common with Reni, but Bo saw the demons and fought alongside me, Reni never did. Bo is much more able adapt to the new world, due to what happened on the set of 'Slawter', and she understands me better. I explained the 'family curse' to her, and she acted like I was telling her who my school friends were; part of me has a feeling we could have kids. Even in the new world, people will need to repopulate.
Look, I'm a teenage boy! Blame the hormones! Like the way I notice the colour of her bra through her white shirt. We aren't on official boyfriend-girlfriend terms, but Shark says we're as good as. I have told her about Reni, I figured she needed to know, but she took it lightly and didn't whinge or gripe about it. I guessed I wasn't the first boy she'd ever liked or kissed, so I understood her perspective, and she understood mine. We spent most of our time discussing 'Slawter'. It still mystified me how easily Davida Hayme had sold us all out to the demons, and also how she'd actually though Lord Loss would spare her.
I'm the only person who knows that Bo doesn't truly hate her father for what he did; even though he sold us out to demons, no-one could ever truly hate their own father, no matter how hard they tried. And I guess I admire her for telling someone, even if it was just me, I admire her for not keeping it all hidden underneath, like most people would. I guess I might keep it hidden at first, but I would tell her eventually, and that'd be her.
Bo hasn't asked about my nightmare yet, but I'll tell her soon, give or take a few hours. The demons are being pretty quiet at the moment, but they'll resurface, they always do. But we'll be ready, we always will be, me, Bo, Shark, Kirilli and Kernel. We'll take them down; and then I might be able to lead a semi normal life. Even if Bec isn't on our side anymore.