Title: Doubts
Author: Jedi Kris
Rating: G
Category: Some angst and inner turmoil. Takes place after Episode II and my take on what Anakin might be thinking as he journeys back to Coruscant from Naboo
Feedback: Love it! Send to: sweetie_kris86@yahoo.com
Summary: As Anakin journeys back to Coruscant after his secret wedding on Naboo, he is plagued with questions and doubts about what transpired on Tatooine
Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to George Lucas and Jude Watson. I'm making no money whatsoever off of this
~*~
Anakin gazed out the window of the starship. He would be arriving at Coruscant shortly.
His mind was extremely troubled; thoughts whirled around in his head and an endless amount of quesions plagued him.
He was certain of one thing, though; marrying Padme. He had never felt more right about anything and didn't regret their decision. He loved her in a way he had never and could never love anyone else. It was right to marry her; but maybe they should have waited a bit longer.
Anakin was, however, worried about the repercussions. Obi-Wan would find out and so would the Jedi Council. What would happen then?
What was Count Dooku planning right now? How would this Clone War affect everything?
And of course, his thoughts dwelled on his mother. Every time he thought of her, his heart ached. And the Tusken Raiders...it haunted him. What he had done that night haunted him in his sleep, haunted him with every breath he took.
Perhaps he needed to tell Obi-Wan. That's what had him confused. Should he, or should he not tell Obi-Wan what he had done? Maybe his Master could help him. He could ease the doubt in Anakin's mind and reassure him.
Or he could condemn him.
Anakin loved Obi-Wan dearly. He was the second most important person to him; a father. Anakin wasn't sure what he would do without Obi-Wan- didn't want to think about that. Anakin wasn't sure if he could risk telling Obi- Wan what he had done.
To tell him would be the right thing to do. But to tell him and be met with the look in Obi-Wan's eyes Anakin knew he could anticipate was something he wasn't sure he could do. To see the look of disgust, disappointment, regret, pity, and anger in Obi-Wan's eyes was something Anakin wasn't sure he could handle.
Obi-Wan would feel as if Anakin was a failure. He had slaughtered those Raiders; slaughtered them with anger, hate, and malice running through his veins. He couldn't ever go back. He would be forever changed.
Anakin's thoughts were interrupted as the starship approached Coruscant. As the Jedi Temple came into view, Anakin felt both happiness and nausea at the same time. If he acted anything but normal, Obi-Wan would suspect something. And he didn't want Obi-Wan knowing about the marriage. If he had it his way, Obi-Wan would never know. Unfortunately, it was inevitable, but Anakin was willing to deal with it when the time came. As of right now, the Raider incident concerned him more.
As Anakin stepped off the ship, he was greeted with a warm smile from his Master and a brief hug.
"I trust everything went well?"
"Yes, Master. If you don't mind, could we just get to our quarters? I'm rather tired."
Obi-Wan nodded and walked alongside Anakin as they headed towards their quarters.
~*~
Obi-Wan looked at Anakin. He could feel the extreme sadness radiating off of his apprentice. The boy had lost his mother; it was expected. But there was something else beneath all that- something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
"Anakin, we didn't get the chance to talk about it, but if you'd like to talk about...your mother, I'm here." Obi-Wan remembered all too well what it had been like when Qui-Gon died.
Anakin fidgeted in front of his Master. He touched the cold metal that was his right hand now. Maybe talking would help. He could slowly work his way up to her death and perhaps get comfortable enough to tell Obi-Wan what he had done.
"I-I don't know what to say, Master. She was tortured for a month by those Tusken Raiders. They're- they're animals, Master. They're just animals. When I saw her there..." Anakin choked back a sob. It was still so raw and fresh. He looked at Obi-Wan and was met with sympathetic and caring eyes.
"When I saw her, Master, I was so afraid. I held her and she was only able to speak for a short time. I couldn't save her. I should have been able to, but I couldn't."
Obi-Wan patted Anakin's shoulder comfortingly. "Anakin, we can't save everyone. We may be Jedi, but we're still human. No one is all-powerful, not even you."
Anakin quickly squashed down his anger. That would do no good. His conversation with Padme about being all-powerful came back to him.
"Master, I- when she died, I was- I was so angry. I was so very angry."
Obi-Wan looked concerned for a moment. "But you controlled it, right, Padawan?"
Anakin shielded his thoughts with everything he had as he replied, "Yes, Master." He kept eye contact with Obi-Wan and saw no suspicion is his eyes. He felt bad lying to him, but he decided now was not the right time to tell his Master the truth. There was too much else going on for that to be out in the open.
"Master, if you don't mind, I'm very tired. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Master."
Obi-Wan stood up with Anakin and smiled at his Padawan. "Goodnight, Anakin. Sleep well."
"You too, Master."
Anakin went to his quarters and closed his door with a sigh.
When enough time had passed, he would tell his Master. Or perhaps he wouldn't tell him at all. He would be a good apprentice, as he had been. He would be patient and soon he would pass the Trials. Then he would be a Jedi.
And the Tusken Raider slaughter would always be with him, but it would be a secret. A terrible secret- one that would always haunt him- but one that Obi-Wan would never know about. Obi-Wan would watch him become a Jedi Knight and Anakin would no longer be Obi-Wan's Padawan...he would be Obi- Wan's equal. He would be Obi-Wan's friend.
Everything would be all right. Perhaps he had worried himself over nothing. Anakin layed down in his bed. Though he felt confident in his decision, he knew he wouldn't sleep well tonight. Tonight, his dreams would be plagued with nightmares. But he would deal with it on his own time. Everything would fall into place and things would turn out for the best.
Anakin smiled into the darkness. No need to worry anymore.
-------------------------
THE END
Author: Jedi Kris
Rating: G
Category: Some angst and inner turmoil. Takes place after Episode II and my take on what Anakin might be thinking as he journeys back to Coruscant from Naboo
Feedback: Love it! Send to: sweetie_kris86@yahoo.com
Summary: As Anakin journeys back to Coruscant after his secret wedding on Naboo, he is plagued with questions and doubts about what transpired on Tatooine
Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to George Lucas and Jude Watson. I'm making no money whatsoever off of this
~*~
Anakin gazed out the window of the starship. He would be arriving at Coruscant shortly.
His mind was extremely troubled; thoughts whirled around in his head and an endless amount of quesions plagued him.
He was certain of one thing, though; marrying Padme. He had never felt more right about anything and didn't regret their decision. He loved her in a way he had never and could never love anyone else. It was right to marry her; but maybe they should have waited a bit longer.
Anakin was, however, worried about the repercussions. Obi-Wan would find out and so would the Jedi Council. What would happen then?
What was Count Dooku planning right now? How would this Clone War affect everything?
And of course, his thoughts dwelled on his mother. Every time he thought of her, his heart ached. And the Tusken Raiders...it haunted him. What he had done that night haunted him in his sleep, haunted him with every breath he took.
Perhaps he needed to tell Obi-Wan. That's what had him confused. Should he, or should he not tell Obi-Wan what he had done? Maybe his Master could help him. He could ease the doubt in Anakin's mind and reassure him.
Or he could condemn him.
Anakin loved Obi-Wan dearly. He was the second most important person to him; a father. Anakin wasn't sure what he would do without Obi-Wan- didn't want to think about that. Anakin wasn't sure if he could risk telling Obi- Wan what he had done.
To tell him would be the right thing to do. But to tell him and be met with the look in Obi-Wan's eyes Anakin knew he could anticipate was something he wasn't sure he could do. To see the look of disgust, disappointment, regret, pity, and anger in Obi-Wan's eyes was something Anakin wasn't sure he could handle.
Obi-Wan would feel as if Anakin was a failure. He had slaughtered those Raiders; slaughtered them with anger, hate, and malice running through his veins. He couldn't ever go back. He would be forever changed.
Anakin's thoughts were interrupted as the starship approached Coruscant. As the Jedi Temple came into view, Anakin felt both happiness and nausea at the same time. If he acted anything but normal, Obi-Wan would suspect something. And he didn't want Obi-Wan knowing about the marriage. If he had it his way, Obi-Wan would never know. Unfortunately, it was inevitable, but Anakin was willing to deal with it when the time came. As of right now, the Raider incident concerned him more.
As Anakin stepped off the ship, he was greeted with a warm smile from his Master and a brief hug.
"I trust everything went well?"
"Yes, Master. If you don't mind, could we just get to our quarters? I'm rather tired."
Obi-Wan nodded and walked alongside Anakin as they headed towards their quarters.
~*~
Obi-Wan looked at Anakin. He could feel the extreme sadness radiating off of his apprentice. The boy had lost his mother; it was expected. But there was something else beneath all that- something he couldn't quite put his finger on.
"Anakin, we didn't get the chance to talk about it, but if you'd like to talk about...your mother, I'm here." Obi-Wan remembered all too well what it had been like when Qui-Gon died.
Anakin fidgeted in front of his Master. He touched the cold metal that was his right hand now. Maybe talking would help. He could slowly work his way up to her death and perhaps get comfortable enough to tell Obi-Wan what he had done.
"I-I don't know what to say, Master. She was tortured for a month by those Tusken Raiders. They're- they're animals, Master. They're just animals. When I saw her there..." Anakin choked back a sob. It was still so raw and fresh. He looked at Obi-Wan and was met with sympathetic and caring eyes.
"When I saw her, Master, I was so afraid. I held her and she was only able to speak for a short time. I couldn't save her. I should have been able to, but I couldn't."
Obi-Wan patted Anakin's shoulder comfortingly. "Anakin, we can't save everyone. We may be Jedi, but we're still human. No one is all-powerful, not even you."
Anakin quickly squashed down his anger. That would do no good. His conversation with Padme about being all-powerful came back to him.
"Master, I- when she died, I was- I was so angry. I was so very angry."
Obi-Wan looked concerned for a moment. "But you controlled it, right, Padawan?"
Anakin shielded his thoughts with everything he had as he replied, "Yes, Master." He kept eye contact with Obi-Wan and saw no suspicion is his eyes. He felt bad lying to him, but he decided now was not the right time to tell his Master the truth. There was too much else going on for that to be out in the open.
"Master, if you don't mind, I'm very tired. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Master."
Obi-Wan stood up with Anakin and smiled at his Padawan. "Goodnight, Anakin. Sleep well."
"You too, Master."
Anakin went to his quarters and closed his door with a sigh.
When enough time had passed, he would tell his Master. Or perhaps he wouldn't tell him at all. He would be a good apprentice, as he had been. He would be patient and soon he would pass the Trials. Then he would be a Jedi.
And the Tusken Raider slaughter would always be with him, but it would be a secret. A terrible secret- one that would always haunt him- but one that Obi-Wan would never know about. Obi-Wan would watch him become a Jedi Knight and Anakin would no longer be Obi-Wan's Padawan...he would be Obi- Wan's equal. He would be Obi-Wan's friend.
Everything would be all right. Perhaps he had worried himself over nothing. Anakin layed down in his bed. Though he felt confident in his decision, he knew he wouldn't sleep well tonight. Tonight, his dreams would be plagued with nightmares. But he would deal with it on his own time. Everything would fall into place and things would turn out for the best.
Anakin smiled into the darkness. No need to worry anymore.
-------------------------
THE END