Make This Right
Prologue
It was a beautiful Sunday morning; the sky was so clear that the puffy white clouds seemed to dance across it. A little girl with long red hair looks up to admire the beautiful sight and twirls, soaking in the sun rays. She'd come to think of the rays as a warm hug from her mother. She clinged on to the bouquet of flowers in her hands a little tighter and proceeded to run up to her mother's tombstone. "Slow down" said her father. He stayed back as he knew this was their "girl time" and there were just some things meant to be kept between them.
After some time passes the little girl stands up so her father could have his moment with her mother. She notices there's a service being held down the hill and she walks down to get a better view. Her father calls out, "Amber, don't go too far. Stay where I can see you." She yells back, "Copy, dad!" then continues on her way. From a little distance she immediately notices a woman with striking long red hair, dressed in all black. She was amazed by her hair because it resembled hers and she hadn't seen anyone with similar red hair since her mother. It brought a smile to her face. She moved a little bit closer as the service appeared to end and people started to walk away. Just then, the lady turns around and catches Amber's eyes. Amber notices tears streaming down her face and is struck by a sudden bout of sadness. She felt the urge to make her happy, so she smiled widely and waved. The pretty lady looked up at her, smiled weakly and gave a gentle wave back. She then grabbed the hands of two little girls one to her right and the other to her left and walked away. Amber hoped she'd given the lady with hair that matched hers some happiness. She walked back to her father who grabbed her hand and said, "Wow, no tears today." Amber looked up at him and smiled "Nope, I felt mama's presence."
Chapter 1 - The Aftermath
The wake was finally over. April knew it because she felt like she could finally breathe. She looked around her house and was alarmed at how empty it seemed now. She felt so alone. My kids...where are my kids? she thought. She sped toward her stairs where she bumped into Jackson.
"Whoa, slow down kiddo" he said. "The kids are upstairs napping."
She chuckled "How did you know that?"
Jackson smiled warmly, "You still have to ask after all this time?"
April let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't realized just how tense she was until that very moment. Relief. That's what Jackson had given her. She couldn't be more grateful for such a small yet meaningful gift. It was a welcome distraction but only for a short moment. She needed to do something. She didn't want to feel anymore. She'd done too much of it today and she couldn't bear it. So she started to put things away. A practical distraction she thought. No one could ever accuse April Kepner, THE April Kepner, of not getting things done. She was a multi-tasking Queen, a super-heroine of sorts. Even if she didn't feel like much of one today, she could still get things done. Jackson watched her for a bit, amazed by the strength she was exhibiting. He always knew her to be a strong woman but this, this was different. She should be grieving and he wanted to help her.
He walked up to her as she was picking up some plates and took them from her, "April."
She looked back at him, "If I don't do it now, I'll just have to do it later so..."
Jackson frowned "So we'll do it later." He placed the plate down and caressed her shoulders "I could use some fresh air; you want some fresh air?"
April smiled "Why didn't I think of that? Of course. Yes. Please."
They walked out the door and sat on the wooden porch swing in front of the house. Jackson pushed his feet off the ground and the swing moved to and fro. April couldn't figure out what she was feeling but it felt like comfort. She didn't feel the weight of the world on her shoulders, she didn't feel the pain, the grief, the hurt, the loss, the emptiness. She felt comforted. She shouldn't have been surprised that Jackson would be the one to provide that for her, but she was. It had been so long since they'd actually been able to sit and enjoy each other's company. But this...this felt like sliding into a perfectly fitting glove.
"Thank you for staying." said April.
Jackson looked at her confused, "You say that as if I would be anywhere else."
"I know, I know. But…never mind it's silly."
Jackson sat up, "Tell me."
"You just have this whole new life and I know I do too, or I did. I mean I still do. I don't know… I was just worried I didn't really fit in it anymore. It's so silly, I know."
Jackson sat back and put his arm around April, "It's funny, I felt the same way. Why didn't we ever say anything?"
"Well you're the King of avoidance, so there's that" April laughed.
"Didn't you hear? I've turned over a new leaf. You'd know that if you ever stopped by the hospital to visit." Jackson joked.
April couldn't help but be embarrassed by this notion. She hadn't admitted to anyone that she was purposely avoiding the hospital. Ever since she quit her job she felt like she was missing something. She loved what she did, she loved helping people in need but she was not a trauma surgeon. She never realized just how much it had become a part of her. She missed it terribly. The exhilaration, the fast-paced nature, the grittiness of it all. But most of all she missed how good she was at it. And boy was she good. She smiled to herself.
"You know; I haven't said this to anyone, but I've kinda made it my personal duty to avoid Grey Sloan as much as possible."
"Oh, was that a secret? Huh. Wasn't obvious at all." Jackson replied sarcastically.
April nudged him in his rib, "Hey!" She missed how he teased her. "I just thought if I went, I wouldn't be able to leave again. It was hard enough giving up that part of my life, but seeing everyone move on without me would've been like stabbing myself in the leg. I didn't want to do that to myself," she admitted.
Jackson drew her closer to him and rubbed her shoulder, "I know. You don't have to explain it to me. I get it. I've just missed your presence. The halls seem a bit more dreary without you there."
"I like to imagine that the place is falling apart without me." April joked, "I'm sure you found it incredibly hard getting on without me for a year."
"A year and 5 months to be exact. I've felt every second." Jackson replied.
April smiled and put her head on his shoulder. A familiar position for the both of them. Jackson couldn't help but let out a deep sigh. He hadn't realized just how much he missed his best friend. How could you see someone so often and yet miss them? That's what it felt like. They sat like this for what felt like forever, but in actuality only an hour had passed. The sun was beginning to go down and April knew it was time to get back to reality.
She lifted her head and sighed, "It's time to get back to real life. This was so nice, I swear for a second there I almost forgot everything that's just happened."
Jackson could see the sadness in April's eyes and didn't want to leave her, "Maybe I should stay the night. I'll help you clean and get things together. I'll even cook dinner for you and the kids. We're tossing the leftovers."
April laughed, "You are not touching my leftovers mister!" She got up and walked into the house with Jackson right behind her. She turned to him and said, " Thank you for the offer Jackson, but I have to get used to doing things on my own. I'm grateful for you, I really am but I don't know if I'll be able to do it all on my own. I don't know what that type of life looks like for me. It's better to rip the band aid off now right?"
Jackson replied, "April, you will never be alone again. That I can promise you. I'm not going to abandon you, even if you say that's what you want. That's a promise I can keep. Just let me stay the night."
April appreciated his kindness so much, she obliged. "Alright. I guess I can just put off this new normal for a night."
"It doesn't have to be a night. Maybe this is crazy but it's us..right."
April looked confused. "Huh?"
Jackson replied, "I mean, why don't you just move back in with me. The kids will be there, we don't have to worry about trading Harriet on different days; you can take the time you need to get back on your feet, and you'll have more time to settle into this new routine. It's crazy, I know. But is it really?"
April thought about it, "I don't know Jackson. I'm in a really volatile place right now. I don't know if I'm in the right state of mind to make good decisions, otherwise I would just say yes. Let me think on it some more and give you an answer later." She paused for a second, "Shouldn't you be checking in with someone before making such a generous offer?"
"Who?"
April raised her eyebrows. Although her and Jackson have been a bit more distant since her marriage, she was pretty certain Jackson was still in a relationship.
"Oh right, Maggie." Jackson recalled. "She's fine, she'll understand. It's not like we live together or anything. But now that you mentioned it, I will bring it up."
"Okay then. I'll start cleaning and you start dinner. I'm starving. I couldn't stomach any food earlier, but now it seems I've worked up an appetite."
"I'll get right on it." Jackson said as he walked into the kitchen to prepare dinner.
April was relieved Jackson offered to stay. Somehow he always knew what was best, even when she couldn't see it for herself. Maybe he was right about them living together again too. She would sleep on it, giving herself something else to occupy her mind from the grief. She knew she would have to confront it sooner or later but for now, it felt good to fill her mind with something more colorful. She smiled to herself and began to clean up. Just then she thought of one of her favorite Bible verses, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." - John 1:5. Maybe she could get through this.