Against the Norm
I remember the first time I saw him. Myself and the others were weary from our travels, and not only did we look as though we'd been traveling hard, I'm sure we smelled it too. My leathers were sticking to my body in the most uncomfortable of places and my hair probably looked like a rat had tried to nest in the blonde strands. Even though it was a cool autumn day, I was sweating from the hard pace we'd been pushing, needing to reach Redcliffe as soon as possible to check on Arl Eamon's condition.
As we were escorted into the chantry, I felt my breath catch in the back of my throat as the features of the man we were approaching became clear in my sight. Up until this moment, I had been toying with the idea of taking the mild flirtation with Alistair to the next step, but I knew I couldn't now. My heart thundered in my chest as he made his introductions and all I could do was repeat his name in my mind as if it were the answer to all of my prayers: "Teagan, Teagan, Teagan."
"I'm sorry Bann Teagan, but I'm not the one to ask, though if we don't have Arl Eamon's help, I'm not sure we'll be able to pull this off," Alistair's voice startled me out of my daydream and for a moment I felt like a fish out of water as I had barely caught snippets of the conversation and truly had no idea what was being discussed. As if sensing where my thoughts had been, Teagan winked at me. I felt myself almost falling into his soft hazel-gray eyes before mentally shaking myself back to the present.
"Of course we'll help," I replied, figuring that was the easiest answer to a question I'd not heard. Apparently it was the right one due to the sigh of relief that came from the man in front of me. I relaxed as the others decided to split up and see what they could do to assist the residents until nightfall blanketed the village.
"So do you have any family here?" I found myself asking out of the blue, though instead of showing my embarrassment, I hid it behind a cheeky grin.
"If you're asking me if I'm married, I've never had the pleasure of finding someone as lovely as you to speak my vows to.
His voice… so compelling. And he's single which is even better. But lovely? Hah! I have at least 10 layers of dust and dirt on me, I'm sweating rivers, and my hair is just one long mess of tangles. Either this man is blind or he's just trying to be kind.
"What about you? Are you married?"
Shit! Shit, shit, shit! I should have expected this as it's not a breach of etiquette to ask as I had broached the subject first. Even so, his question strikes a sour note in my gut. My brain flashes back to pools of blood, dead bodies, and my cousin curled up on the floor in another noble's keep, used and abused as if she were not a person and only fit to be a toy. I picture my betrothed slain before me, my hopes and dreams with him shattered. My betrothed, the one who took it upon himself to defy the wishes of those he would be living amongst just to save me. I think Teagan saw a slideshow of pictures flashing across my eyes as he bowed his head to me with a whispered apology.
"My… fiancé. He was killed by a… human"
Getting those words out felt like sandpaper coating my throat and didn't sound much better.
"I apologize my lady. I should not have asked."
"It's quite all right, Bann Teagan. You were unaware, and I'm sure others' weddings have not ended as abruptly or as violently as mine did, that you would not think to ask such an innocent question. I do hope though that someday I'll have the luck to find someone who will be more than willing to wipe those memories from my eyes and replace them with something much better."
The smile that found its home back into his eyes left me breathless which then turned to butterflies as he took a step closer to me, setting a light hand on my shoulder.
"Then that man shall be a lucky one indeed to have you as his wife. I would love to continue our conversation but we have much to do, yes? Perhaps at some later date?"
Nodding, I found myself vowing to do whatever I could, with the aid of my friends, to help this village come away with as few casualties. My vow was not in vain as we did indeed win with no loss of life to any of the militia or the townsfolk. The look he gave me, after the battle was over and the prayers said, when he asked us to meet him by the mill… was there an extra message in there or was I reading too much into it? More than likely. Just the dreams of a girl, dreams that will never come true. The unfortunate curse of being an elf in a vastly human world. In his society I'm not good enough to be anything more than a possible bed-warmer. I laughed to myself at my foolish fancies, but knew that they were enough to help keep my bedroll warm at night, especially with how much work still lay before us.
~oOo~
The next time I was able to see him for any great length was the eve we returned with the Urn of Sacred Ashes. Alistair, Eamon, Teagan, and myself stayed up until the early morning hours discussing plans for the upcoming Landsmeet as well as plans to retrieve the rest of the treaties needed for our army. Again, I know my mind had to be playing tricks with me, because otherwise, why would a human of his station be sending me constant, covert glances? My mind seemed to be taking my fantasies and twisting them so that they appeared to be truly happening. I've learned its tricks and it shall not deceive me.
I had decided to go back to camp that evening. It was just myself and Vex, my mabari hound. The others had accepted Arl Eamon's offer of beds for the evening, but after so long under the stars, and so many days spent with no possibility of any true personal space, I snuck out to give that gift to myself. When it would come to light that I hadn't slept in the room provided to me, my companions would more than likely give me an earful. It wasn't until a couple of hours later that I would realize that the gift of solitude lay not just in the lack of petty bickering or Oghren's snoring, but in the promises of dreams come true.
~oOo~
The logs shifted within the fire pit, sending a shower of sparks into the night sky. The stars twinkled in the velvet blackness above me, and as I had done as a child, I mentally traced the different constellations. Time seemed to swirl to a stop as the stars were blacked out by the warring images of shadow and light upon Teagan's face above mine as he stood beside where I lay. Before I could do more than sit up, he was sitting beside me on my bedroll, facing me. My heart did a slow roll before it sped up, feeling as though I had a herd of horses galloping in my chest. Why was he here? Why wasn't he talking? Why is he staring at me?
"I wanted to thank you again for all you did for myself and my family. I had hoped to find you here when there was no trace of you to be found in the keep."
"Bann Teagan…"
"Teagan, just Teagan."
"Alright, Just Teagan. No extra reward is necessary. The helm you gave me is more than enough. There's nothing more I need."
His lips quirked at my "Just Teagan" comment as he shifted closer, trapping me beneath my blanket with how he was situated.
"It might not be something you need, but it's something I want to give and hope you will not reject this offering.
Just as I was about to speak he lay his finger in a shushing motion across my mouth, my pulse speeding up at the feel of the calloused pad against the softness of my lips. I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself from darting my tongue out to taste the saltiness of his finger. Watching his eyes deepen to a dark stormy gray and focus with such intensity on my mouth, it made me feel powerful. It also made me nervous but not in the sense that I was afraid. It was the nerves that are brought on by excitement and anticipation.
"I'm starting to think I didn't have to worry about rejection…"
My eyes could look nowhere but him, watching his face loom ever closer, feeling keenly the loss of his finger before it was replaced by his lips. My dreams, my foolish fancies, were nothing compared to reality of the moment. His lips were warm, firm but soft, and where I had once worried such facial hair on a man might be uncomfortable against my skin, instead it tantalized. With the gentle pressure of his thumb, he opened my mouth to him before sweeping in, my senses flooded with the scent and taste of him as I wrapped him in my arms, my hands sliding into his hair to pull him closer. Someone moaned, though I'm not sure if it was him or me. My nerves tingled like wildfire, sensations flowing over my skin as if I were being bathed in liquid silver. The weight of him as he slowly lowered me back against my bedroll was thrilling. It was wholly different than the couple of experiences I'd had. Elven men don't have the broadness, the bulk of muscle, that humans do, and Teagan was quite fit from what I could feel. Under Teagan, feeling that weight pressing against me, I felt more feminine than I had in a very long time, safe, and utterly wanted.
My insides turned to jelly as his tongue teased the roof of my mouth, taking care that he wouldn't miss anything, his teeth nipping playfully at my lower lip as he broke the kiss only long enough to fasten his lips to my jaw. I was lost at this moment, his mouth potent enough to have me a writhing puddle of need within a few minutes. Not only was I lost, I was his. Anything he were to ask of me, I would gladly give, just to keep this feeling of wholeness, of belonging.
His hands were gentle, reverent almost, as they swept through my hair, one hand trailing over my cheek in a sweep toward the V of the loose cloth tunic I was wearing. His mouth left sensations of hot, wet velvet, electric, as he continued his oral worship of my jaw before his lips found the extremely sensitive lobe of my ear. I knew that time that the keening noise was me. My eyes fluttered open at the sudden absence of his weight, checking to make sure that I hadn't been dreaming the whole thing in the first place. He leaned over me, his weight on his hands, studying me.
"My apologies, m'lady. I did not mean to take advantage of you or let it go so far."
Not a dream, thank the Maker, and he was trying to be a gentleman. Would he think badly of me if I told him I didn't want him to stop? Would I sound too much a child to him, a man at least fifteen years my senior, if I said I'd felt something from that first day? Growing up as I had, such fanciful ideas were not a part of who I was. To see a man and think of myself as his, that was not me, except for the day of my wedding. I knew this was real, but I worried about his rejection now, as he had worried about mine of his kiss earlier.
"My lady Warden, have I offended you?"
His voice was quiet in my ears, his eyes concerned as I guess I had taken too long to reply to his initial apology.
"Please, Teagan, call me Ambriel."
My hand lifted to touch his cheek, feeling the stubble tickle the sensitive pads of my fingertips, as I watched him, my blue eyes seeking out any sign of regret. Seeing none, and realizing that with the Blight looming over us all my chance may never come again, I forced back my nerves and pulled him back down.
"Please… I want this. I want you Teagan. I… I felt… when we first met…"
Andraste's Knickerweasels I was stuttering like a damned child! What in the Maker's name was wrong with me? Here I am, entering into my 21st year of life, and I can't talk in straight sentences! I could feel my cheeks flaming and not used to feeling such a wash of embarrassment, I did what any sane person would do and closed my eyes, turning my face to the side.
His weight settled back down on me slowly, and I felt his fingers, cool against the hot skin of my face, turning my face back in his direction.
"Ambriel, open your eyes. Look at me."
It was hard to ignore the gentle order in his tone and I complied, finding his face directly above mine. Maker above but his eyes were beautiful in that tanned skin, complimenting the deep auburn of his hair perfectly.
"I felt the connection too, little one. I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't. I wouldn't have waited months with baited breath for your return, and not all due to the fact my brother's life lay in your hands. If you're agreeable, I plan on doing something about that when Ferelden is again safe from both civil unrest and the Blight."
I didn't hear that right, did I? Was he saying what I thought he was saying? I'm an elf! It's unheard of for a lawful union between our kinds. But his tone rung of conviction and all I could do was feel myself fall into the depths of his eyes, nodding mutely.
That seemed to be all the encouragement he needed, as my world shifted under me at that moment, his lips capturing mine in a kiss as heady as the strongest brew I'd had the pleasure of sneaking from Oghren's stash, and dizzying as standing at the highest point of a precipice and looking down at the beauty below. His hands wasted no time, sliding under my loose tunic to slide well calloused hands over the soft skin of my torso and up to cup my breasts. The roughness of his skin added an extra layer of excitement, sending bolts of lightning through my system. My body was no longer my own as it twisted and bucked under every tug and pull of his fingers at my nipples, every glide of his fingertips down my spine.
His mouth left mine to taste the skin of my jaw, moving down the slope of my neck. Soft suctioning heat. My hands tugged impatiently at his tunic, needing to feel his skin, the warmth of him. With less time than it takes to think a thought, he had discarded both of our tunics. While I was no virgin coming to him on our wedding night, I felt my body flush pink at the intense look in his eyes as it became apparent that the tunic was all I had on. I started becoming a bit self-conscious the longer he stared, knowing that compared to a human, my body was probably closer to being a bit on the boyish side, as I was lithe and slender, not curvy.
"Maker's breath but you're perfection…"
That was all it took before I was up on my knees before him, fastening my lips to his for yet another kiss as I tried, with fumbling hands, to undo the ties of his pants. The more my fingers fumbled and brushed against him, the more I felt him straining against me and I stopped, unable to hold back. Gripping the back of his neck with one hand, I cupped him with the other, stroking him through the fabric, marveling at what I felt and trying to memorize what I could of him.
With a muffled curse he broke the kiss and quickly undid the knots that I had accidentally created in my haste to untie them, shoving his pants off and kicking away his boots in one swift motion, or so it seemed. His eyes held a heat to them I'd never seen in any others', as he lowered me onto my back, bracing himself on his forearms above me. The soft pelt of fur on his chest as it brushed against mine sent tingles throughout me and the warmth in my belly slid lower and seemed to spread.
His breath was ragged and harsh as he watched me, his eyes glittering with such need, and the beginnings of a deeper emotion. His eyes never left my face as he shifted above me, and then my world went blank as his thumb found my most sensitive spot. He teased me with first one, then two fingers, arching them up and curving them just slightly, sending me almost to the edge. He played my body as a master violinist would his instrument, my body arching and eagerly awaiting each new touch, each new brush of fingers.
"Are you ready…?"
I could only stare at him and nod dumbly, all traces of thought obliterated by pure sensation. Heat, stretching, and a delicious weight enveloped me as he joined our bodies. Then sweet, so very sweet friction began as he moved inside. I never knew what the Golden City must have been like until that moment in his arms. The way he brought me to the edge again and again, always holding back. My thighs gripped him high on his waist, my body arching into every stroke, that pinnacle just out of reach but yet close enough to taste. His fingers entwined with mine over my head, his voice hoarsely whispering "You're mine" before taking my mouth in one last kiss as he took us over the edge, our cries swallowed within the sweet embrace of our lips. My sight went white as the force of my climax swept through me, though I knew I had a soft place to fall as proven by the hot weight collapsed against me.
When I could finally open my eyes, I found myself half laying on top of Teagan, curled up against his side, my head on his chest. My fingers tapped out a light tattoo over his heart and the smile he gave me was worth a thousand Blights.
"This is for you, until we can make it official."
I felt a chain slide over my head and a cool weight resting between my breasts. Reaching down to lift the weight at the end of the chain, I found his signet ring, the one he'd let me borrow during our rescue of Castle Redcliffe. I couldn't help but stare at him.
"You're serious…"
"Unless you don't want me to be?"
"But… what will people say? I'd love to with everything I have but…"
"No buts. A way can always be found. We will find it, understood?"
My heart felt so full at that moment. My father might get his wish of grandkids after all.