She opened her eyes, trying to adjust to the blinding LA sun. She blinked in the light for a few minutes before feeling the hand wrapped round her waist; big, comforting, warm hands that brought with them, a million images of last night - even just the thought of them made her skin prickle with goose pimples. She couldn't help the sly smile that crept across her face with the memories of last year, Nick insisting that he was good in bed, everyone scoffing at even the notion of it – she had never been more wrong about anything...
She felt him stir next to her, and rolled over to find him staring up at her like someone had just given him a lifetime supply of Jack Daniels whiskey. He grinned, his eyes crinkled into one of Nick Miller's rare, genuine smiles. Paired with his lazily messy bed hair and the beginnings of his trademark scruff she felt her stomach lurch with a pang of something she wasn't ready to confront quite yet. He propped himself up beside her and gazed at her with an intensity only he could achieve; a mixture of comfort, lust and something else, much deeper flickered in his warm chocolate eyes.
"Morning Jessica" She felt her insides melting, why was it that whenever he said her name, she felt her brain turn to mush?
It was the morning after Cece's wedding turned matchmaking event; six different people had ended up declaring their unspoken feelings to somebody else. Shivrang and Elaine must be in Vegas by now, ready to start their life together, an ill-advised romance, blossoming into something more. Elaine and Shivrang made her think - what if her and Nick did fall to pieces as everyone seemed to be predicting; what if they went their separate ways and one day she received an invite for his wedding.. "Please join us to celebrate the wedding of Nick Miller and some random bitch"
She knew it was selfish but the thought of it made her stomach lurch, after last night especially. It seemed insane that she was ever ready to pull the plug on this, whatever it was. She recalled the disastrous events of last night, one resonating in her mind
"It's not like we're in love or anything" It was a radical thing to say, even for Nick. But something rang hollow in his words, something forced and unsure. When he said it, her heart fell, she couldn't help it. She wasn't sure why his words had hurt her so much, what was she expecting? A proposal? It had been such a whirlwind these past few days, only 48 hours ago they were gathered in the bathroom and she was shaving Cece's armpits...
There was no way she was in love with Nick, right? No, she just cared about him... She didn't want to spend the rest of her life with him, having him fancy fix their house together, have him lay a flag on her sweet sweet continent – he was just her roommate and now they have this thing. Nick doesn't love her, he said it himself. One day he'll wake up and realise she loves him and he'll run away, like he always does. She always loves more, it's her thing... She always loves more because that way she always knows where she stands, they don't have the power to hurt her if she never tells them how much they mean to her...
That was what happened with Spencer, she loved him more that he loved her, and she knew it, but it didn't matter to her, and it doesn't matter to her now. She doesn't care that Nick Miller will eventually find some grumpy, gravelly voiced, hot wife that's better for Nick than she ever could be.
He makes her so happy though, happier than she's ever been... happier than with Paul; he was much too similar to her, two dorky eccentric people, who always loved more; they reached an impasse eventually, unable to move forward. Happier than with Russell; that was nice, but nice like a meeting with casual acquaintances for coffee, fine but nothing fantastic. Happier than with Sam; he was the most satisfying of the three but she never really felt the chemistry or passion, sure they ripped each other's clothes off, but it was more an act of unsatisfied twirliness rather than the desire to actually be with him.
They were all so different to what she had with Nick, between her and the turtle faced grumpy guy across the hall was something so... not-like-the-rest... Her mind flashed back to what she had written on her valet card a few months back "Nicholas is my best friend but he's also something else, I don't know exactly what that is but it's something amazing for sure."
It was true, but now it's real.
Reality was much scarier than imagining what if's in her head
But the thing was with all those other guys, she liked them and all, but she never really felt like she could completely relax and be herself, but she trusted Nick. That's when it dawned on her, she trusted him, completely. It didn't matter how deeply she felt, she trusted that he would never hurt her.
She flipped round in bed, turning to face an empty space beside her, she had been so absorbed in her own thoughts, she hadn't even heard him slip out the room. She grabbed the shirt of his that she had been wearing the past two nights and padded out the room.
Just as she made her way into the living room, she heard the door slam, she whipped her head round to find Nick standing in the doorway, grinning sheepishly, holding a paper bag from her favourite French patisserie.
"I think the other morning we established that I should be cooking breakfast for danger of giving food poisoning to anybody eating it, so instead I went out and got us some croissants" She knew it was odd and maybe slightly inappropriate, but she rushed up to him and threw her arms around him, planting a soft kiss on his lips before prying the breakfast from his hands and laying the table for the two of them.
"Y'know Miller, this could be the start of something amazing" He grinned back up, in reply lifting her chin up and kissing her, for how long the kiss lasted, she had no idea, all she knew was by the time they had pried themselves away from each other, the breakfast was cold.
And suddenly she knew, she knew that everything would be alright between them because despite all her fears, she really did trust Nick. Despite various people's doubts - she knew that this wasn't going to end badly. She knew, because she was in love with Nick Miller, and she was pretty sure that he thought she was kinda alright too.
He looked up from his breakfast, crumbs plastered round his lips. He smiled like she never even realised he could and said "Jessica, I think you might be right".
