AN: I need a break from Death Note. I have though about (obsessed over) nothing else for almost an entire year. For the sake of my sanity, I need a breather. The Night will be continued at a later date. For now, I'm playing around with Harry Potter.

Warnings: Slash, AU, Ooc-ness... I am not as familiar with this fandom as I am with Death Note, so there is a good chance that I will maul it with my inexperiance.

Fortuitous Events and Fate's Playthings.

Severus Snape was not a very nice man. He knew this, and was perfectly content being a not very nice man. He hated children, frequently cut up puppies and kitties and threw them into his potions, drank his coffee black with no sugar, and had a sense of smug superiority when it came to... basically everything.

But, even he had to admit it would have been pretty inconsiderate to laugh hysterically when the professors discovered, ten years after the destruction of the Dark Lord, that Harry Potter was missing.

The Boy-Who-Lived had vanished.

The Golden boy was MIA.

It was too good to be true. The Fates, cruel bitches they may be, were finally cutting him some slack! He would not have to teach that...that... cretin!

Severus gave a real smile and took a drink from his bitter coffee as the other professors at the start of the year meeting clamored in various stages of shock and disbelief.

"But Albus! How can this be?" The flea-ridden Minerva McGonagall shrieked.

"I simply can not say," the old man murmured.

Several other professors shouted and demanded explanations. Severus merely settled back into his chair with a happy sigh.

"Please let me explain all that I know," Albus demanded, and the good little children... other professors quieted.

"I delivered the young Harry Potter into his aunt and uncle's keep the night his parents were killed, as you all know. I felt certain that he would be well taken care of. It appears that I was... incorrect in that assumption."

Severus snorted, then looked appropriately apologetic when several sets of eyes glared in his direction. "My apologies. Please continue, Albus."

The old man cleared his throat before continuing. "The Dursleys kept Harry in their care for..." He adjusted his half-moon spectacles and glanced down at a piece of parchment in his hand. "Three years. Then, by all accounts, they took him to an orphanage."

Several voice were raised in vehement protest. Severus calmly took another drink of coffee.

"Yes, it is horrible indeed. Records from that particular orphanage show that Harry stayed there for another four months before he was finally adopted out. That is all we know."

Poppy Pomfrey leaned forward in her chair. "Can't you contact the orphanage and request the information pertaining to Mr. Potter?"

"We have already attempted that approach. It would seem that a fire recently destroyed that building and all of the documents in it. Even if Harry's papers hadn't been destroyed, we were told that the information was confidential and we were not allowed to be privy to it."

McGonagall gasped, probably on a hairball. "You mean... There is no way for us to locate the boy?"

Albus's eyes held a sad twinkle in them. "We can try to find some sort of document trail under Harry's name, but if he was adopted then his family name would have been changed. Since we do not know what it was changed to..."

The assembled professors all looked suitably despondent.

Sybil Trelawney perked up slightly. "Can the Ministry not track his magical signature?"

Rubeus Hagrid had a look of mingled sorrow and pride. " 'Arry's got himself a good mite of power. 'Asn't the Minis'ry got problems trackin' powerful witches an' wizards, Albus?" Hagrid was not a professor, but was allowed to participate in these meetings because he was a "valued member of the faculty." Severus didn't buy this for a minute. Filch wasn't invited to the meetings. It was all because of that disgustingly soft Albus... The old, Gryffindor loving coot.

"You are unfortunately correct, Rubeus. The Ministry has not been able to track Harry's signature since that unfortunate night at Godric's Hallow..."

Severus narrowed his eyes. Could he dare to hope...? "What are you trying to say, Albus?"

Albus shook his head. "We will continue searching... but it is highly unlikely that we will ever find Harry Potter."

Severus Snape was not a very nice. Upon hearing this news, he could have whooped and hollered in victory and joy just like those disgusting children he taught.

Needless to say, he was having a pretty good day.