Fandom: Harry Potter
Tittle: Harry Potter and the Freakishly OC Everybody
Rating: pg-13
Warnings/Summary: This will make fun of bad fanfiction, contain stupid plots, stupid people, and stupid things in general. Complete insanity is expected when dealing with me. Will have mentions of slash in it too. Harry/Draco most likely as of now, but I have no idea what I'll decide later. Contains "Goth!Ginny" and mentions of Harrys new fav muggle band, EVANESCENCE! And cheese. A lot of that. Purposeful bad spelling and grammar.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. JK creates them, we just play with them 3

Harry Potter and the Freakishly OC Everybody

Harry Potter's summer was quite strange. Most memorable things that happened to him seemed to happen early in the morning when he'd first woken up.

The first morning he happened to wake up and suddenly say, "I like cheese." It seemed strange to him that he'd never before realized what an affinity he had for cheese and angsty muggle music. But somehow this angsty muggle music made him think of Sirius whom he couldn't think of.

Harry woke up one morning, thinking about Ron and Hermione, and most certainly not Sirius.

Sirius He thought.

OMG NO! He cried-thought to himself. I can't, like , deal with that. The he paused and realized that if this year he wanted to randomly develop a crush on Ginny Weasley, then he was going to have to be more manly about things. Sirius. Oh, pain. Musn't think of that. He felt satisfied.

Then he went back to thinking about Ron and Hermione. For a long time he couldn't stand to have them around, yet at the same time he couldn't bear to be away from them. It was all so confusing back then...a week or so ago.

But that day was different.

"I'M GOING TO RON'S!"

Because Harry was a changed person thanks to angsty muggle music.

XxXx

Normally, Harry would have hidden out under the couch—since he was so skinny—until Dudley accidentally found him by sitting on him. Today was a special day, though. Today Dumbledore was going to take him to the burrow.

Where was the burrow, anyway?

Probably in a forest. Or a shoe. They certainly had enough children.

So instead of hiding under the couch, Harry put on his apron and got around to make delicious cheese blintzes.

"Here," He said, thrusting a blintz at Uncle Vernon, "Just don't rape me."

Uncle Vernon just made a face and went back to eating his blince. And thinking about drill presses. Today was a lovely normal day. NORMAL.

When he wasn't looking, Aunt Petunia practiced balancing spoons on her nose. She used to be a champion at it. Her parents used to pay attention to her for it. Until Lilly found out she was a witch.

"I hate witches and wizards and hamburgers." Aunt Petunia muttered darkly, and then scowled as the spoon fell from her nose. She, of course, blamed it on Harry.

"I wonder when Dumbledore's coming." Harry said mildly to the dog they didn't have.

"I'm here now, Harry." Dumbledore stepped out of the shadow.

"Oh," Harry blinked. "How long have you been here, professor?"

"For awhile now, Harry." Dumbledore said wisely. He turned to the rest of the family, "Can I offer you some tea?"

"Er--" Uncle Vernon started intelligently.

"Well, we best be on our way."

Harry worried about Dumbledore, but didn't want to offend him. He gave a meek wave to the Dursley's and went to pack his bags. Dumbledore followed.

"Ah, Harry. I see you weren't expecting me to actually come ever today."

"Uh, yeah." Harry said, not really listening.

Dumbledore stood behind Harry as he packed. "Well we best be on our way."

"Yeah, just wait a second." Harry said irritably since this was at least the fourth time Dumbledore had said that.

"Look what I can do!" Dumbledore cried and waved his wand in circles.

Harry looked, wide eyed at Dumbledore, realizing that this man was truly the most amazing wizard. Hopefully he wouldn't die soon or anything.

On their way outside, Dumbledore stopped abruptly. "Harry if anyone should attack, I give you full permission to use magic. And sex appeal."

"Right."

"But I don't think you'll need to."

"Why's that, professor?" Harry asked wearily, wondering why he'd even mentioned it in the first place.

"Because you like cheese. And so do the Death Eaters. They'll remember that."

"Oh." Harry said, eyes widening. This might be helpful in the future.

XxXx

It was three in the morning when they finally arrived at the burrow.

Mrs. Weasley rushed out to greet him. Harry didn't pretend to not be a little creeped out.

"How did you know we were here?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh, well, I was looking out the window, just in case you decided to get here at three in the morning."

"Er, thanks." Harry nodded...appreciatively.

"Everyone else is in bed. They weren't expecting you to come now. At one they all woke up thinking you were here, but it was just the mailman."

"The mailman?"

"He had the wrong address. It took him forever to find the place and then we had to make him forget! Tee hee. Arthur's the only one who isn't here. He's still at the ministry working. He got promoted!"

Harry, realizing this was probably the highlight of her day or year, said kindly, "That's really great, Mrs. Weasley."

"Yes indeed." She smiled serenely. "That means we can afford cheese, would you like some Harry?" Harry knew from this mention of cheese that cheese was obviously going to be important this year, but being Harry he was stupid and wouldn't really know this until the end when it was most likely too late.

Harry looked over at the clock that usually told where each Weasley was. All the names were pointing to, 'Mortal Kombat'

"Erm, Mrs. Weasley, why's the clock say 'Mortal Kombat'? And why's it in the wastebasket?"

"Ohh!" Mrs. Weasley trilled because trilling is fun and awesomumbo. "Well, you know, money was tight in back in the days when we bought that clock...and the wastebasket is brand new! We thought it would look lovely in there."

"Ok."

Suddenly Arthur Weasleys clock hand went to, 'Koming Home' and then there was a knock at the door.

"ARTHUR!" Mrs. Weasley almost openend the door when Mr. Weasley started shouting.

"No, Molly, DON'T! What if I were a Death Eater? Haven't you learned anything from the Oprah memories I made in the pensive we finally bought? OPRAH! Ask me a question."

Mrs. Weasley sighed. "What color is Ginny's hair?"

"I don't know we never pay attention to her!"

They both guffawed and Mrs. Weasley opened the door.

Harry wondered when they'd suddenly stopped paying attention to Ginny since they'd seemed to be excellent parents before. Or how they knew anything about Oprah which was such a muggle show. It was Aunt Petunia's favorite. Dudley sometimes got into it too.

"Well you best be getting to bed." Mrs. Weasley said and poured some tea into some tubawear. "Here, take this with you, it soothes the soul.

"Thanks." Harry said, and went upstairs.

Harry tried to ignore the sounds of Mr. Weasley honking and going, "Gimmee poo-tay-tang, Minty Molly Baby."

XxXx

The next morning Harry awoke to the feeling of something heavy on his chest.

Blearily, he opened his eyes, only to see Ron peering at him intently, merely inches from his face. "Blood hell, Rob!"

"Ron." Ron corrected.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Harry said, wondering why he couldn't seem to remember Ron's name these...day.

"Well, that's OK, I guess." Ron frowned, looking a bit hurt. "Oh, yeah. Mum told me to tell you to pick a question. You know, so we know if you're a Death Eater or not."

"Well...How about you ask me what my favorite muggle band is. It's EVANESCENCE!"

"OK." Ron replied, but hadn't really been listening since he'd just noticed that Hermione had been in the room the whole time and that he'd been in love with her forever , but was just so used to being a git about everything when it came to her that he couldn't quite shake the habit. "Oh, Hermione, what are you doing here?"

She looked annoyed and infuriatingly...smart "Ron, I've been here for a few days now. Stop asking me that already."

"Shut up! You're no better than me!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, yet continued to be attracted to Ron for no reason.

Then Ginny crawled out from under the bed. Only, it wasn't quite a crawl. It was more sliding out on her back. Like a liquid shadow. One thing was for sure, Ginny had changed.

She had dying her hair dark purple with blood red and black. Also, there was some dark blue for good measure. Her clothes were pretty much all black and she appeared to have scars all over her arms. Oh, and she had cargo pants.

"Hello, Harry. From the way you're lying there I can see you think you're the big shit."

"Hot shit?"

"Whatever."

"Sorry, Harry, you'll have to excuse her. Since Ginny's been sliding out from under beds recently." Ron said, frowning.

"My boyfriend Dean says it's sexy. Are you jealous yet, Harry? Not that I've suddenly changed everything about me for you so you'll like me. No. I just will randomly decide later when you love me that I never gave up on you. Are we clear?"

"Yes," Harry said, looking at Hedwig who appeared to be ruffling her feathers. It really was quite fascinating.

"Fleghsgs, here." Ginny said after a ten minute silence.

"Who?"

That's when Fluer walked in. "Voh! Varry! Vow vave vou veen?"

"Guh!" Ron shrieked and began humping Fleurs leg. She tactfully ignored him. She was used to this by now.

"Yo Fluer, wassup home dog? Why are you in the hizzle?"

"Ve, vat vis, Vill vand Vi vare vetting varied, Varry!"

She pried Ron off her legs and walked out of the room.

"I hate Fleghsgs. She's so irritating. All she does is boss me around and talk in that weird accent of hers."

"How do you even pronounce or spell that?" Harry asked.

"Oh, you get used to it." Ginny answered

"I'll take your word for it." Harry lied.

"Your mama." Ron said intelligently.

"I hate all of you," Hermione sighed, and Ginny slapped her for no reason.

"I can't wait to go shopping." Harry squealed.

TBC!