Standard disclaimer: the concept of Immortality and the Immortals belong to Rysher and are copyrighted by them. This story is for fun, not for profit.

When I read your kind reviews for my fic 'Nightmares in Paris', I came up with the idea of this short story; it's a letter from the Kurgan to all of you. For all readers who have not read my other story: I strongly suggest to read it first (and maybe also the reviews) or else this story will make less sense.

Much thanks to my beta-reader Neoinean for correcting all my mistakes - I really appreciate it!

Hope you like it! (I will very likely add another letter to this fic: this time from the Horsemen to the Kurgan). And as always: review would be great :-)

This story is rated R for some bad language

A letter from the Kurgan

Hi guys,

If you are wondering who is writing you this letter today, then let me tell you: it's me, the Kurgan. Maybe you want to know the reason I'm writing you; it's because I heard that someone has written a story about me, and I decided to check it out.

And what shall I say... I'm a man of great humor - you all know - but this was not funny at all... it was totally impudent instead - that fucking bitch of an author, how could she dare to let Connor, the stupid Highland-bastard, call me uncle? ... UNCLE Kurgan!!! For this impudence alone she would have deserved a long and very painful death, but this wasn't enough humiliation, I had to suffer. No, she let – as someone called it without any respect– 'my behind being kicked' by five little kids... KIDS!!!!

That's... that's... I really can't find words for that... but you haven't believed her stupid lies anyway, right? I mean I'm the Kurgan, the evilest guy on earth; I would - of course - have torn the little brats to pieces in seconds... and that without blinking... with my bare hands. Do I need a sword to slaughter my victims? I say no, I easily can do without.

But this little shit of an author, how dare she... grrr... Don't concern yourself with her any longer, I don't think that we will hear of her again :-)

And some words to you other guys: don't think that I have forgotten about you. I have read the reviews you have given to her, and I don't like the way they sounded. To be honest with you, I'm really pissed at you... and I'm not a man you should mess with. I know your names now, guys, and I have lots of time to find you. I suggest you go and find some hiding place for you, and you better look for a good one, a very good one, because I have a very, very long memory...

And now, I want to talk about some other things that bother me a little bit, some points that - let me say - need discussion. To be a little more specific: I have heard that someone called me only 'second best'... I tell you something: I pay you a visit, and then I show you 'second best', you little shit.

OK, now that this is settled, I want to ask you a question, a question that really has been bothering me since my childhood: why doesn't anybody like me? I mean I'm a bad guy, a really bad guy, but even I have a soft spot and... and... hey, I really don't get it: why does everybody have a fan club except me? I mean, both fucking Highlanders have one, the priest had one, and don't forget the Horseman, they have several... so, why not I?

Ok, some people say that I'm not as stylish as Kronos, but this is not fair. I stood hours in front of my mirror thinking very hard about a new and imaginative haircut... and I really think I came up with a cool one. Wasn't that bald hat sexy? ... And do not forget my cool black leather outfit; didn't I look really evil?

Look at the Horseman. Hey, do you really want to say that these guys look bad? Ha... Look at Methos, does HE look evil? No, definitely no... And Silas? Ha, you must be joking; this stupid fool, evil? ... There are also some guys who think that Kronos looks scary with this little scar over his eye. Hey, look at MY scar!!!! Who has the bigger one? Definitely ME.

And they also painted their faces to look more evil...Ha, more evil; I laughed at them as I saw the child-like-paintings for the first time. Hey, I don't need a painting on my face - my face IS evil!

There's also another point I don't think is right and needs discussing. Most people say that the Horsemen were brutal killers, who killed and slaughtered thousands of innocents, plundered hundreds of villages. Ok, I have to confess that this may be right, but does that mean that I have done less horrible things, killed fewer people? I tell you something, it's not fair to compare us, they had much more time to kill than I, and they were four, FOUR!!! I was on my own, and it was not always easy, I can tell you...

Another point I want to speak about is the fact that everybody – even all mortals – know the Horsemen but only few people know me... That's only because I never had good marketing that spread and blew up my story... I'm sure as hell that none of you guys know that Methos wrote the Horsemen-part in the bible himself... Yeah, you heard right, this little scum has made some 'entries' in the bible. Is that fair? No, I say no, it's not.

And there are enough other facts that should speak for me: I mean I'm the Kurgan, THE Kurgan. Have you ever heard of another Immortal who is called THE something? Doesn't sound that cool, really cool and evil? By the way, have you heard of the aliases Kronos choose? Melvin Koren? Who the fuck is Melvin Koren? Doesn't that sound a little bit gay? And his other aliases, forget it... Even Methos' Adam Pierson sounded more evil.

And the last point, I wanted to mention, is the following one: Someone, I don't want to say her name (she is dead, she only doesn't know it yet) mentioned that my fight with Connor had been nothing compared to the fight Duncan had with the Horsemen, that I sucked... Hey, I can only laugh at this; have you forgotten that MY quickening made the stupid Scottish fool believe that he had won the prize? Can you say the same of the other MacLeod? He even had two quickening –Kronos' AND Caspian's!!! So, what do you say now?

After what you heard so far, you surly agree with me now when I'm saying that if Kronos deserves a fan club, I deserve one even more. I tell you something: You join my fan club, and I don't kill you; isn't this a fair offer?

Join it and live - don't join it and die!

What do you think?

Always, Your (The) Kurgan

PS: I already thought about a club outfit, and I came to the decision that all my fans should have the same cool haircut and leather outfit I have... See you guys!