Hey Everyone,
I've been away for such a long time. To be honest I stepped away from my Arrow fic last year to start writing this one and I've literally taken a year to complete it! I will return to Arrow soon but I had to get this one out of my head first. Please let me know what you think. It was inspired by the song of the same name. Please note - This will be a 2 chapter fic and there is some profanity in this chapter.
The first time I saw them, I wanted to break his face. I visualized it vividly. I would walk up, yank his arm away from her shoulder and slam my fist so deep into his face he would never get up again. I had to sit inside my car for a long time to let the rage stop rattling inside my bones. By the time I caught my breath and let my heart settle into a steady rhythm, they were long gone. I doubt they saw me. I had parked at the end of the supermarket's parking lot, a good distance from her car near the entrance. She had done that while we were dating too because she hated walking, even if was just a few yards to the door. I used to tease her over it every time we stopped here. Now I just watched her drive away in silence. In the end, I skipped my own shopping and started up my car and drove home.
The second time I saw them, I was at Seth's high school graduation party. She walked in holding his hand and didn't spare me a second glance. It didn't escape me that he avoided my stare too. The entire room seemed on edge around us. I kept to one side of the house with Jared and Sam flanking me on either side. We made an impressive trio. The biggest and most powerful men in the room, drinking whiskey, while what seemed the entire tribe, buzzed around us. I tried to play it cool and kept loose conversation going with Jared, but when Jacob walked by to talk about Jared's busted truck, I excused myself for a bathroom run. Jacob gave me a jerky nod in acknowledgment and awkwardly looked away. I wanted to hate him for it, but instead I avoided his stare and spared him the need for uncomfortable small talk. We hadn't always gotten along but when I started seriously dating his sister our dynamic changed. One day after teasing him for sulking over another break-up with his on and off again girlfriend, Bella, instead of getting angry, he just laughed. He started to make an effort to hang out with me and we talked cars and music while I waited for his sister before our dates. He used to ask me for tips on how to impress Bella and I asked him for tips on how to make his sister happy. Sometimes his dad would be in a good mood and offer us a beer, sit with us, and laughingly say he was happy there was another guy in the house. But now we barely even looked at each other. I avoided him the rest of the night and skipped out of the party early. I got tired of people's eyes ping ponging between me and the new couple; everyone attempting to make awkward small talk while the rest of the room gossiped about how the love of my life was hugging her new lover. Plus, if I didn't leave, I would have likely physically hurt someone by the end of the night.
The third time I saw them, I was at the post office dropping off a package for Sam. I was in full uniform since I was in-between shifts at the station and my cruiser was parked outside. An officer of the law, who was part the tribe, was still a rare thing on tribal lands. Everyone still liked to mutter about how it was nice to see one of their boys in the uniform and not being put away by one. I still hadn't gotten used to the respectful looks and murmurs of appreciation I got from the Elders. But the job had given me a strange confidence that I now wore like a second skin. I liked the way the young kids in town blew out their smokes when I walked by, some even standing up a little straighter. I didn't mind the way some of the men tipped their hats in my direction when I walked inside stores. I definitely never minded the long glances some of the women, young and old gave me when I wore the uniform either. But right then, standing in the small post office with the two of them just a few feet away acting like I didn't exist, I hated the entire thing. I was like a damn beacon in a lighthouse. There was no way to say they hadn't seen me and her indifference hurt a lot more than I wanted it too. Mrs. Weaver, who was working the desk, was openly glaring at both of them and giving me sympathetic looks I was ignoring. I barely remember buying the postage for the package. But I do remember how she fiddled with her phone and looked down when I walked past her on the way out. He had already moved away to see another teller so I barely spared him a glance. The whole encounter ended with me wasting my break on half a bottle of whiskey. I also made my first legitimate arrest that day. I busted a group of teens for pot and underage drinking, things I hadn't exactly been guilt free of in my youth. Sam practically fired me after I dropped off my report on his desk. I reeked of alcohol and had written down gibberish. He ranted about how I wasn't taking the job seriously and how the whole town was relying on us to show we could handle the responsibility. We needed to impress Forks and show them we could handle being in charge of our lands. It was the deal the Council struck to avoid them invading out territory and policing our people. I nodded at all the right places during his angry speech but barely missed throwing up on his desk after he was done. He helped me clean up and drove me home in silence. We didn't talk about that day again.
The next time I saw them, I was making out with a Forks girl at one of the only decent bars our tribe had. There were only two really: Old man Walker's, who only really allowed the Elder's in and the one Betty Weaver ran, even though her mother disapproved. Betty was in her forties, had a brass tongue and ran her bar with an iron fist. Anyone sixteen and older was welcome to drink, party, and have a good time. But the minute someone lost control of their liquor or started to fight, you were out. That night all the teens had been thrown out. Jared and I had showed up around ten and had barely sat down when a group of seventeen year olds on the other side of the room were unceremoniously thrown out. Betty herself power walking over to them and asking them to leave immediately. We weren't wearing our badges but the tribe was taking our roles so seriously our power carried over into our civilian life.
I hadn't planned on meeting any women there; you live in one place long enough and your sort of end up knowing everyone in the area. But that night a group of women from Forks were taking up half the bar. It was a rare event; most women from the other side of town avoided our side. They were either here on a dare or just wanted a night of feeling rebellious. Rebellion, it turned out was the reason one of them slid up next to me after my third beer. I could blame the alcohol but really it was just my need to have someone next to me again. It had been a long time since the break-up and I had been holding out hope things would change, but right then, with Ms. Forks whispering in my ear about my jeans and asking me to buy her a drink, I caved. Jared gave me some space and chatted with some of her friends to kill time. Two hours and another six beers later, she was in my lap and I was getting acquainted with the counters of her lips. I was in the middle of taking a breath and another swig of my drink, when I saw her. She was by Betty's beat-up pool table and openly staring at me. It was the first time in months we actually looked at each other in the eyes without turning away. Even in my drunken haze I could see the shock and disgust in her eyes as she looked at me. We must have only looked at each other for a few minutes, but to me it was enough. I had craved her eyes, her acknowledgement and her attention for months. But the look she was giving me was full of pity and disappointment. It was the look she used to give me when I got too drunk at bon fires and the one she gave me after I got arrested for fighting a few years ago. I hated that look. I hated it even more because she couldn't give it to me anymore. She barely even acknowledged my existence these days. I felt an irrational feeling of pure hate towards her. I wanted to get up and start shouting about how she was being unfair, how she shouldn't even be looking at me, how she should just go find my replacement and stare at him.
But instead of drowning my sorrows and anger in more beer, I drowned it in Ms. Forks. Later, Jared would call it my "awakening." He would describe it at as the "most epic exit of exits." I had apparently ordered a round of shots for the group, downed my share, and made out with the girl so freely, we were practically undressing. Jared said I had half of the girl's shirt off before Betty started screeching about decency and ordered us out. We apparently walked out of the place still attached to the lips with half the room giving us applause. I barely remembered getting to my house. The girl must have driven because I was too drunk. The next morning was a blur of pain and vomit. Jared would later say he drove the girl home after stopping by to make sure I was okay. She was too embarrassed to stay until I was fully functional. I couldn't say I blamed her either. My house, although clean, was still covered in pictures and memories of my old relationship. It wasn't exactly something a woman wants to see the morning after she sleeps with a man. I was happy she left before the obligatory awkward morning after talk. I was also happy to discover we had used protection so I was guaranteed to never see her again. I avoided Betty's for weeks after that and grilled Jared repeatedly on what happened after I left the bar but he refused to go into details. He said I was being an idiot. Sam silenced all his criticisms with a glare and offered his place as a drinking spot instead. A month after my drunken rebound, I got plastered again and ripped every single picture off the wall in my house in anger. I began the long process of cleaning out every room of anything she bought, made, or gifted me. I recruited Sam, his finance Leah, her little brother Seth and Jared to help me repaint it too. Leah said I was going through a healing process. Jared said therapy would have probably been cheaper than remodeling but I ignored both of them. It was time I started moving on, no matter how much it pained me.
The next time I saw her, she was alone and pumping gas. I was on my way to Forks to meet with Chief Swan about more tactical police training and stopped by the gas station to fill up and grab snacks for the road. She parked right next to my cruiser but barely gave it a second glance as she popped out to fill up. I stared at her from inside the gas station store while Mr. Stein rang me up. I remembered when we came to this station together, usually as we were heading to Forks for a night out on the town. I remember driving her car everywhere too; the mall, the beach, her house, my house, grocery store, Sam's house, the local diner, the road just because we were bored. We made love once in the back seat because I wanted to see what it was like. It was one of my favorite memories because she could barely move and swore the whole time and demanded I buy a bigger truck if I ever wanted to try it again. I listened to her spill her dreams about traveling, fears about Jacob and how she missed her sister inside that car. I felt myself slowly falling into a pit of what if's when Mr. Stein, the gas station owner brought me back.
"They're telling your story at the bonfires now, you know." I pulled my eyes away from staring to look at Mr. Stein in confusion
"What?" I asked dumbly.
"Not all the time, but enough that it has folks talking." Mr. Stein said as he nonchalantly began bagging my purchases.
"I wasn't aware the elders were swapping out tribal stories for town gossip." I replied in annoyance.
Mr. Stein laughed heartedly at that.
"Son, no one is naming you during the story… that part is just inferred." I could feel annoyance start to brew into anger and I held back one of my deadly glares.
I hadn't been to a tribal bonfire in years. They were a weekly occurrence with folks here, but every month there was a larger gathering with all the Elders. They swapped stories and everyone brought food. It kept our town together and helped keep the stories of our Quileute heritage alive. But she had always hated them. She said they were a waste of time and accused me of drinking too much at them. Eventually I stopped going to make her happy, but the Elders had never approved of the decision. They had tried asking me to come back, but even after the break-up, I refused. It was always more of Sam event I felt. He would show up with Leah and her poor attempts of home-cooking and shoot the breeze with everyone. He called it "community building" even before he became a cop, but I always felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny of so many Elders and people I knew. My family life wasn't exactly ideal. I had practically raised myself since my mother was always drunk and spending the night at someone else's house. My father had skipped town years ago and no one cared, not even me. But town gossip was still painful, no matter what age you were.
"What do you mean then?" I asked. Sam would have told me if someone was talking directly about me.
"You haven't heard of the story about the warrior with the broken heart?" I snorted as his response. "Living it, no?" I said with a grimace. It was pointless to pretend the whole damn town didn't know about our break-up. We had been such a visible couple for years. It was expected that we would marry; hell I had expected that we would marry. Our break-up had been bad and very public, which naturally meant we had been the topic of gossip for weeks. It didn't help that I had become part of the tribe's first police force immediately after.
"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to be civil.
He smiled, happy I was humoring him, "Well, according to the legend, there was once a young warrior so in love with his bride to be that his spirit joined hers before hers was ready."
I swallowed down a curse; Mr. Stein was playing with fire. I didn't talk about my life with anyone, let alone my love life. This story was already hitting too close to home.
"Oh, really…" I muttered.
"Well the woman wasn't ready for him," he continued, "her soul was restless. She was liked a caged bird trying to break free. One that wrestles with every binding until it breaks out and flies to the tallest redwood to overlook the land. One day, she too broke free, only instead of flying alone; she took his spirit with her."
I could feel my face reddening already and I breathed deeply to hold back a nasty remark.
"So?"
"Well, as the story goes, he was inconsolable when she left. He pinned over the woman he loved so greatly, he become sick. So sick, he could no longer hunt and provide for his people. He began to change, where once there was confidence to leap in front of danger, there was fear. Where once there was strength to walk miles for game, there was weakness -
I interrupted angrily, "Let me guess he died of heartbreak?" My attempt to reign in my temper was failing. Sam was always harping about being the epitome of respect, the pillar of the community, but I was ready to lay down my weapon and deck Mr. Stein if he kept talking.
"No, no. He lived a long life, but first he became very sick."
"Yea, he lost his spirit." I glanced back at the window. She was placing the pump back in place and getting ready to get back into her car.
"Yes, but then he gained it back." I looked back at Mr. Stein tiredly and ignored his excitement.
"How did he do that?" Stein needed to wrap this up. Chief Swan was waiting and I didn't want to make the man wait.
"Well, he followed his love everywhere. He shadowed her movements. He counted her steps and breathes every morning and night. He haunted her soul."
"Maybe it wasn't so much stalking, as they both lived in one small ass tribe." I growled out annoyed. I didn't like what he was insinuating.
"No, no. He wasn't doing it on purpose. He didn't even know it was happening."
I stared at him in confusion, "What do you mean?"
He smiled at me gently, "It wasn't the warrior doing the haunting. The warrior was trying to change. To become what he once was, but without his spirit it was impossible. So one day, he decided to go find 'it."
"So he went to go find his lost love?"
He nodded, "Yes, and he did it by following one of the bindings; one that seemed to have been dragged up with the girl as she flew away."
I took a deep breath and picked up my bagged goods, "Yea, well when he went to confess his undying love, did she reject him? Because I can tell you from experience, it isn't the best feeling." I cut in bitterly, remembering how I had begged her to get back together many times.
"Ah, well remember, it wasn't his love he was trying to find."
"Right, it was the spirit," I muttered. I dropped ten bucks on the table and began to leave. "I have to go Mr. Stein, thanks for the motivational pep talk."
"Wait, don't you want to know the ends?"
I shook my head, "I think I got it covered. She took his spirit, shacked up with a new warrior, and he learned to move on." I turned around and pushed the glass door open, "See ya later Mr. Stein!" I called out as. Sam owed me a month's worth of beer for the patience I was currently holding. Mr. Stein was lucky he was an old man in his sixties. I slipped inside my car and drove through a drizzle of rain in angry silence. If Mr. Stein was trying to send me a cryptic message, I didn't get it. The only thing I could think of was how she looked pumping gas and how I was lacking "spirit."
Later, I would tell Sam about what happened and his response was for me to come to one of the bonfires to listen to the ending. I got annoyed, drank too much and ended up destroying his coffee table after falling on it. Leah refused to let me back in the house for a month and Sam made me pay for the table out of my paycheck. I switched gas stations and started going to the Mobile outside of town after that.
I ran into my replacement a few weeks after that. He was alone at the hardware store, looking over saws and didn't see me walk in. I coolly kept walking and didn't hesitate as I made my way over to the nail gun section, pretending to look busy. I suddenly had a vision of grabbing one of the display guns and aiming it at his head. Shooting him with an entire sleeve of nails and daring anyone to turn me in. It was now nearing a year since I had become a cop. The Elders and the tribe were calling the program's introduction a complete success. But I still felt like a complete failure. When I wasn't pretending to be an upstanding citizen of the law, I was nursing a hangover, trying to get my house finished, missing her and trying to reign in my need for physical violence against the man who took her away from me. Sam said I was doing a good job at keeping my anger in check, but he didn't know about my binge drinking or my sleepless nights. I missed her. It hurt to see them walk around together, to see them have dinner at our favorite places, to see her laugh at his jokes during parties, to see what should have been mine be someone else's. I had never dreamt of a wedding or kids or anything remotely domestic in my life, but the moment she was gone… the "what if's" and the "maybes" kept piling on. What if I had been more understanding about her need to travel the world? Would we have traveled it together? Instead of the house near the beach, should I have bought the apartment in Forks, would that have made her happier? Was it wrong to skip out on the monthly trips to visit her friends at the Makah tribe? Maybe I should have given up hanging out with Jared more often. Maybe I should have bought her more gifts; shown her more affection, done more of the things she liked to do. Maybe I should have taken that fisherman job two years ago; we would have had more money now. Was she angry that I didn't finish my degree? I could still go back and change things. I didn't have to live on the reservation. Sam and Jared were really the only family I had now, I could always just visit. I shook off my regrets and focused on the footsteps approaching. The replacement was headed my way but he still hadn't noticed my presence. He was reading the back of a spray paint can and slowly ambling my way.
I timed his bumping into me perfectly and I relished in the look of fear that crossed his face as he looked up at my icy glare, his "I'm sorry" dying into tense silence.
It took mere moments for his surprise and fear to be replaced with fake bravado; his shoulders pulling back and his grip on the paint can tightening. I kept my hands tucked inside my sweatshirt pockets, a perfect image of laid back ease, while inside I was digging holes into my fisted palms.
"Hey," his soft acknowledgment and slow head nod infuriated me. His eyes were guarded and his jaw held tight. If I hit him now, he would fight back. But I was easily twice his size and towered over him. I could use the nail gun to hit his head and he would go down against the aisles quickly, but he was also bulky so it would take muscle to keep him down. He must have sensed my measuring stare because he took a small step back.
"Just heading… to pay." He lifted his hand slightly and I gave him points for not letting his arm shake as he showed me the can in his hand.
I let the store's air conditioning hum and my hard stare respond for me. I wasn't going to move from my spot now, he could either retreat or I would take him in the middle of the Brook's Hardware store, law enforcement responsibilities be damned.
"Lahote… don't do this here." He gave me a disapproving look and I took a step forward and practically snarled, "Leave," in an angry hiss.
His eyes widened at my request and he shook his head, "Not happening, don't make this difficult."
"That's up to you. I can make this very difficult… or just difficult." I growled out.
"Come on Paul." He swallowed visibly, "She wouldn't want this."
I grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him against the battery display shelf behind him, some of the packaging falling over with loud cracks on the hard linoleum.
"Don't you dare say her name, you little –
"HEY! HEY!" Derek Brook had finally stopped mindlessly playing video games on his phone by the register and realized a brawl was about to break out in his father's store.
"Take it outside! My dad just put in those shelves." He yelled, his voice breaking slightly.
I grabbed a fist full of the replacement's shirt and pushed him out into the open aisle space between the door and the register.
"Leave, I won't say it again." I was practically foaming at the mouth. I felt the rage settling around me again, the one that scared even me sometimes.
"You don't scare me," he took a challenging step forward. His hand angling the spray can now, as if to throw it at me.
"Really, Call? You're going to assault me with a spray can? That's the best you can do?" I taunted. My hate had been simmering for too long. Any control I had over myself was slowly slipping. I don't think even Sam would be able to stop me now.
"I don't want to assault you at all. But you seem dead set on being an asshole for no reason. Don't do this, man. If not for her, than for yourself; you got a good job now. Think of what that means for you and the tribe," his lecture was met with a hard shove against the counter. The spray can slipping from his fingers and clattering hard against the floor.
"What the fuck do you even know about me," I hissed; my fists wrapping around his shirt and throwing him hard against the floor.
"You know nothing! Don't you dare lecture me about shit you don't understand!"
It took a moment but he gained purchase and shoved me back and then it was over. I probably threw the first punch but he gave just as good as he got. We slammed into a display of wood chips and knocked it to the ground. I slammed my fist in his right eye and he clocked me in the nose. Derek began cursing up a storm and yelling for us to get out. But by then, we were both on the floor rolling back and forth trying to throw the next punch. He decked me under the chin. I slammed his head against the linoleum. He found the spray can somewhere and brought it down hard near my forehead. I used my head to crack against his. He used his legs to flip me over and try to break my nose. I used my fists to make dents in his stomach. It ended when we slammed into the camping gear display and it fell on top of us.
By this point I could hear Derek threatening to call the cops and my replacement groaning in pain underneath me. The display went down as I threw him against the aisle. The shelves coming down must have done a number on his back and I relished in the pain he must be feeling.
"Shut up kid, I am the cops!" I growled out to quiet Derek down. I pushed myself into standing and took a look at the damage. The red beast finally lifted from my eyes and I could feel an odd sense of panic start to settle inside me. Sam was going to kill me. Jared in all his Zen glory would likely lose it with me too after this. The front of the store was in shambles with wood chips everywhere; merchandise crushed on the floor and a full camping tent half hanging off a shelf that looked like it was ready to teeter to its side.
"You're insane," Call called out from under a metal shelf rack.
I shoved my foot hard against his side and felt a sick pleasure and the "oaf" that left his lips.
"What are you going to do about it, Call? Going to find another spray can to use?" I took step back as I felt my hands begin to shake again. I could keep hitting him and I wouldn't get tired.
"You are paying for all of this. I don't care if you are a cop. My dad is going to fucking kill me. We just got those shelves. How the fuck am I even going to clean this in time?" Derek's frantic voice brought me back from the brink of another meltdown. I took a big step back and tried not to slip over things littering the floor.
"SHUT UP!" I yelled, as I swiped at some blood trickling down my nose. It wasn't broken but it would definitely swell. My shout silenced Derek who suddenly looked scared and young.
I looked back at replacement on the floor and tried not to laugh at how I'd left him. His eye was starting to swell and his lip was definitely ripped open. He was sitting up now and he was glaring daggers at me.
"I should press charges," he hissed.
"Try it" I growled back, "Cop beats the shit out of a home wrecker asshole and lives to tell the tale. I think I'll enjoy giving the morning interviews on how I busted your lip open and all you did was give me a bloody nose."
"More like: Cop loses his job because he can't deal with getting dumped."
"I can blacken the other eye if you want," I bit back angrily.
He shook his head and stuck up both hands in surrender.
"It's over okay, you got what you wanted. You… beat me… and got it out of your system. Can we… can we just call it even, Lahote? I'm sorry…" I glared at his words.
His apologies would never be enough. My hands were hurting but I could feel my fingers shaping into tight fists in anticipation of his next words.
"I'm just sorry okay." He hung his head and began trying to stand up. I took another step back to restrain myself. I couldn't call it even. He had everything I wanted.
"Look, you're right. I don't know anything about you. I just know Ra-
"Don't" I growled out.
He teetered slightly on his feet as he got up. He used the clean aisles to hold himself up and I noticed blood was trickling down his wrist. He must have cut himself with something, but I hardly felt sorry for him.
"I know she wants you to be happy and this," he pointed to destruction around us, "This is going to crush her Lahote."
"I told you we could make this difficult or very difficult. You chose this Call!"
"What the fuck do you want me to do? We live in the same damn town! Am I supposed to just leave whenever we see each other somewhere?"
"What the fuck am I suppose to do when I see the woman who was going to be my wife, shacking up and walking all around town with the man she cheated on me with!"
"She didn't cheat! You guys were separated." He yelled out exasperated.
"Don't make me break you damn face, Call. We were on a break and it wasn't over until you started sniffing around her like some sick lapdog."
"Shut the fuck up, Lahote! She came to me. She was done and ready to move on. That's your problem. You don't know when to ends things, you carry around a fucking torch like there's still hope. But everyone knew it was never going to work –"
I slammed him against the nail gun display before he finished. The impact caused the heavy display case of guns to fall off the wall and hit part of my shoulder. Several boxes of nails and glass jars hit the floor around us as I punched away my pain. This time he was ready for me though and he began using the merchandise to slam against my face. I could feel blood spurt out of my check and my vision blur as he used some sort of heavy box to hit my head. We were fighting dirty, but I wasn't ready to give up yet. It was Derek who broke us apart this time.
"ENOUGH!" Call and I both froze at his voice.
"I called the cops! Sam is on his way!" Derek had finally found the courage to escape the safety of the register and had crept up next to us.
Call and I said nothing. I had frozen with my hands around his neck, while he had both of his around my wrists trying to pull me off.
His eyes were full of anger and fear. I let my hands loosen and pulled myself away. My shoulder was killing me but I didn't regret a single punch. I hated Embry Call with every fiber of my being. I could still envision myself gathering one of the nail guns and shooting him in the head. And it was probably the thought of what more I could do that made me take a few steps back and try to catch my breath.
"Leave, Call" I growled out, walking myself back to the counter. Sam was coming and he would lose it. I would be lucky if he didn't finish the job Call had done to my face. I could feel blood seeping down my shirt and my nostrils swelling shut. I would need to drive to the clinic to make sure it wasn't broken.
Derek helped a groaning and bloody Embry to his feet and tried to push him to the floor. Embry resisted and I growled out another "fucking leave Call, before I finish the job," before he began shuffling to the door. He stilled at the door and stared me for a moment and then he slipped out to his car. My eyes closed in pain and I leaned heavily against the counter. Derek said nothing just stood by the door, likely in fear of me and likely to make sure Embry made it to his car. I said nothing and let myself slide to the floor as I waited for Sam to arrive.
It took him fifteen minutes and he barged into the hardware store to pin his angry glare my way. Jared was just a few steps behind him in full police uniform. They had likely both driven over from patrolling.
"Shit Paul," was Jared's only greeting while he and Sam stared at the damage around me.
I ignored them both and let my eyes linger on the banged up spray paint can on the floor. I didn't want to see Sam's look of disappointment. I was tired of everyone's look of pity and disappointment. I just wanted to disappear into the wall and hope no one ever asked about me again.
There were a few minutes of silence before Sam's heavy sigh broke through the room. I faintly heard him ask Jared to put up the closed sign before he stepped closer to me and squatted down to my level.
"You need a hospital?" I shook my head.
My jaw was still clenched tight and the blood coming down my nose was coming down steadily, but I would rather suffer through the pain than bump into Embry again. And I knew he would definitely be heading to the clinic with the last punch I threw at his nose. Sam pulled a pack of tissues from his pocket and handed it to me.
"Clean yourself up than; Derek's dad isn't coming back from Forks till nightfall. We got a few hours to make this right." He stood up and walked over my legs to the register.
"Derek, show me where you keep the brooms. Jared, keep the scanner open in case any calls come through. Paul, you got 5 minutes to clean yourself up and make sure you don't have any broken bones. After that I want you to start putting those broken shelves together." I looked up to see Sam's removing his patrol belt and laying it down on the counter. His forehead was a crisscross of stress lines and his hard jaw and eyes were enough for me to know that he might be civil now but he wouldn't be later. I closed my eyes in annoyance and slowly pulled myself up.
It took us four hours to clean-up. Jared angrily muttering under his breath about how he had better ways to spend his Saturdays and Derek muttering complaints about how his father would kill him. Sam said nothing in those four hours and while my face became three different shades of blue I stayed silent too. It wasn't until we were all outside and I was limping to my car that he spoke up.
"Jared, take Paul's car back. I'll drive him in the patrol car." I grimaced at his words. The ride home would likely be uncomfortable and painful.
We settled ourselves inside the car and had driven maybe halfway to my house before he spoke up.
"You know what happens if he presses charges?" I rolled my eyes and watched the road pass us.
"Yea."
"You know what happens if tribe… if the Chief finds out." I swallowed down the guilt he was spooning my way.
If the Swan found out one of his experimental non-academy trained officers had lost his head on a civilian... the tribe would look bad and Forks could take over. I would forever be branded the reason La Push lost control over its own people. I grimaced in discomfort.
"Yea, I know." I let out a slow breath and tried to ignore the rattling of pain in my chest.
"You drink too much, Lahote."
I scowled slowly at his words, "I do not –
"You think I don't notice. I've known you since I was fourteen years old Paul. I know you better than I know anyone else in my life. You drink too much. You get angry too easily. And you say you don't care what people think… but I know you care about everything even when you give me that scowl and say you don't." I didn't bother responding, he was right.
"I want you to go to rehab."
"WHAT!" I could barely make out his face now in the dark road we were driving down.
"You have an addiction" he tightened his hands around the steering wheel, "I've spent my whole life cleaning up your messes."
"That's bullshit Uley -
"Listen to me Paul" he cut in. His voice deep and firm, "You have an addiction and I've spent my whole life helping you out and making sure people look the other way. I thought it's what good brother's do. I've always wanted to be a good brother to you, Paul. We may not be blood, but that's never stopped me from thinking of you as one." I stared at him in disbelief.
"So you think sending me to rehab for some made up shit is being brotherly? What the hell does this even have to do -
"What if Brook's kid hadn't called me? He said you were choking him Paul. That store was wrecked. I scarped blood off wood chips today Paul, wood chips!" He was shouting now. His cleared his voice and lowered his tone.
"I always knew you had a temper, but today is the first day I realized what might have happened if I hadn't shown up."
"He walked out of there you know, WALKED." I huffed in annoyance. "He's got to deal with a couple of bruises that's it. And I wasn't drinking today."
Sam didn't reply and we drove the rest of the way in silence. My dirt road and small shack house was a welcome sight as we pulled into my driveway. I shuffled for the door but Sam cut in before I could escape.
"I don't do second chances Paul. You know this about me. If you don't go to rehab, you're off the force… and you need to leave La Push."
I snorted in disgust, "you can't kick me out of my own home Uley. The blue suit gives us power but not that much, and you know it."
"The county is giving us our own police department and naming me Chief. The counsel is planning to name you and Jared lead deputies and we're going to start recruiting new patrolmen next summer." I fell silent in shock. The stakes had gone higher. The county awarding us our own department, giving us money to hire more men, and giving us the power to control everything was a big step. We wouldn't just be a reservation on the outskirts of a small town. We would be our own town and no one could come in and try to take over if they thought we weren't taking care of things.
"You never said…" I said slowly.
"I'm saying now." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Paul, it's more than just us now. Remember… remember when I wanted someone to arrest my Dad for hitting my mom? Or when you wanted someone to find out who kept stealing your tires junior year? Or that time those Forks kids broke into the elementary school and broke all the windows.
"No one ever found out who did it." I cut in.
"What if we could find them?" He whispered. We sat in silence in the dark then, both of us toying with the idea of changing the reservation, a place we both kind of hated but loved anyway. The trees outside whistled as I sat rolling over his words. I was still angry at the suggestion of rehab. I hadn't been drunk when I decided to hit my replacement. I had drunk a few beers this morning but nothing serious. But that probably made it worse for my case that I was sober when I decided to break Call's face in. I also knew I was getting off easy. If I had a temper, Sam's was just as legendary. The possibility of a new job and what it would mean for the tribe meant Sam was keeping himself in check. Any other day he would have likely yelled at me until his own face was blue. The idea that he was already changing annoyed me.
"So after all these years… either I fall in line or you cut me off?"
"No Paul… I want you standing with me. But I can't do that if I don't trust you to stand on your own two feet. I can't do that if you aren't all here. I know it's been hard without Ra –
"Don't" I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.
Sam sighed tiredly, "I know it's been hard without her. But you and her… it's not it man. There is a lot more to you brother. I wish you could see that." I let us fall into silence again. I stared quietly at the back of my old Jeep; Jared had beaten us to the house and was sitting quietly inside the car with the lights off. It was strange how he always knew when to leave us alone and when to pop in and provide the comedic relief between the three of us. He might not be part of the conversation, but I knew he was likely endorsing this talk. I also knew even he was having doubts about my sanity lately. He kept dropping hints about how I should cut back on drinking. Every now and again he would play mediation videos while we worked the desk at our make-shift station near the center of the reservation. I would tease him mercilessly but he would always end it with, 'give it a chance man, it's supposed to help with stress." I knew they were both worried about me. I shifted my gaze to my swollen knuckles. In the dark the moonlight made them seem almost deformed. An image that wasn't far off from what I had been feeling for months now.
"What if it doesn't work?" I didn't specify what I was asking about.
Sam took a moment to respond, "What is there to lose? Win or lose we will always be brothers."
I snorted, "Let's not make this a lifetime moment now Uley." He left out a soft laugh.
"But," I added, "Even brothers beat the shit out of each other and can end up hating each other."
"Yea, but it doesn't take away the fact that they're still brothers" he was quick to reply.
The quiet night settled around us again. Jared had reclined his seat inside my car, tired of waiting for me to make my way out of the car. I let my mind wander of what would happen if I left. I would never have to see the people in this town again. I would never have to see her again. I could travel anywhere and make my way, working odd jobs, maybe even going back to school. But could I do it knowing I wasn't ever going to see the sunrise on the cliffs again. Could I leave and know I wasn't going to walk quietly through the woods on the way to Jared's house after a heavy snowfall. Would I be able to live without talking to Sam and Jared about what we did all day? Half our conversations were dumb but every now and then we threw in some serious things, like today. I hated a lot of things about the reservation but I had never hated the actual place. It was what annoyed her most about me and our relationship. She had always been desperate to leave and see the world. Meanwhile, I could sit by a tree and marvel at the world in my backyard.
"Okay" I broke the stillness between us. Sam turned to me in the darkness as I pulled open my door to get out.
"Just, okay?" he questioned.
"Yea, okay. I'll go, but you better visit me." I slammed the car door and went to wake up Jared.
(Disclaimer: Don't own these character but I do own this plot idea!)