Stage set in front of a large crowd of parents and their children, light dimming my good friend finding my gaze and giving me a thumbs up through the dark glass of the control room. He flipped the switch, and the lights grew gentler on my back, no longer burning holes into my stiff dress shirt, their applause to my name was short lived when I stepped to the microphone, the small auditorium. I looked up, but couldn't find the stars that were her stormy eyes, not in the faces shrouded in black though I hoped, that she was here, even after our fight.

Then the silence became deafening and I nearly choked on anxiety, but then I drew in a new breath because she stood in the back, my dark jacket falling to her mid thigh, arms crossed and hood up. I swallowed and tenderly grabbed the mic, "These, are all the words I never really could say to the person I love most in the world. And, I'll admit that they seem ugly, that they might be incomplete thoughts, but I don't need complete thoughts when she's around, she makes everything feel right, to me." Silence after a few relatable chuckles, so there it was, her tilted head and blonde hair unraveling before her bun and out the raised hood.

"You, are horrible to me, for me,

A wretched thing I regret ever opening up to,

Showing me the pain I locked down,

Letting me feel all that I could not,

Loving you, a monster before my eyes,

Looking at what we have made together out of ourselves,

I recoiled - And you pulled back,

I shouted - And you soothed,

It wasn't you,

Not you who made me angry,

No it was you who gave me the tenderness,

I hate you and love you for it.

Because after every tear,

After every bruise and hurtful word,

You opened me like a book to a brand new world,

A world in which my pages were being skillfully filled with your perfect calligraphy of love and lust for you that I couldn't contain,

I used you,

You used me, experimented because no one had ever come this close,

In doing that, I saw you for what you were,

Again a monster snarling in that beautiful fury,

Nails scraping and teeth biting,

Your screams are ones I will never forget.

Because through your suffering you managed to tether a rope about my heart,

And when you threatened to sink,

To drown in the violent pools of sorrow and loneliness,

To never again breathe,

You pulled me with you,

And It was only I who was left to kiss away the scars,

My lips to ghost along the pale skin of unseen torture,

You, ruined yourself,

You, brought about the monster inside us both,

We created something beautiful from it all.

In the early mornings,

Fingers to skin,

Calloused to soft,

I was no longer tracing and counting the valleys and peaks of your bones,

No longer digging into the caverns of the vertebrae of your flexible spine,

I didn't have to hold my breath as I felt another scab,

Because the bones in your skin sticking out weren't razor blades enough,

You took one to your soft,

And You bled your soul into my hands.

No longer do I kiss the damages,

I don't paw at you,

I don't ask for much but your eyes,

Those that reflect the most earthy things,

Lush forests of healthy trees,

Jagged bark protecting the soft insides,

The fertile soil beneath our bare feet as we ran from the tide of knives,

Of Hurt.

I swallowed you into the black hole of my adoration,

Took you away to an island of bliss because you believed,

No one loved you,

No one would ever,

Because you only saw that your matted bed head needed to be brushed,

When all I saw was the euphoric smile on your face from the most fantastic high,

You saw a filthiness you couldn't wash from your skin,

As I gazed upon the warm drunk buzz of life,

Of something pure,

Something it hurt to watch you scrub raw,

To watch you despise.

You, are horrible to you,

Incapable of reading the constellations you carved into your own skin,

Of all the repeated words of "Save me" When I was not there,

You drowned yourself in hate because never before had anyone given you a reason not to,

You bled, openly,

Red pearls that dripped from your breathing skin,

You screamed in silence and you broke down,

You repeated those words that everyone else wanted of you,

You changed,

And I, no longer knew what to do.

I, am good for you,

And you to me,

In the way you smile I see it,

Your eyes sparkle like waves upon the purest sand,

All of which i adore,

That I see in you,

All of which you do not.

Look away from the mirror tonight,

When I stop by to take you out,

Get off that rigged scale that never points under 95,

Dress how you want to,

No how you think I want,

Because in the end,

I will undress your soul,

And I will love every bleeding, bruised, and ruined surface of you,

I will show you what it means to be loved,

For nothing in return.

Tonight I will see you,

Of the hour we first understood what it was to feel,

And I will burn the monster we created,

And we will make something beautiful out of the molten glass,

And keep the ashes for ourselves,

Because it's only us,

And that's all it will ever be,"