The Batman has dealt with a lot of stuff- having to stop a crime every time the batwave beeps, with Penguin's bird related robberies, Riddler's puzzles, Mr Freeze the villain that Batman created, Catwoman's heists, plus constantly flirting with the masked Vigilante every time he shows up- to Poison Ivy's plant powers and flirting skills always keeps The Batman busy, but the one that was for sure to cause trouble- no matter how tight the security was in Arkham-no matter if it was night or day, Batman or not, one criminal that was for SURE going to eventually show his face in Gotham City to cause trouble-Gotham PD's most wanted criminal, plus Batman's main arch enemy-Joker.
The clown with the permanent deformed white skin, spiky messed up green hair, unnatural red eyes and his insane grin. Whenever the Batwave goes off, that's the one criminal that pops into Batman's head "Joker's loose again." Sometimes he was right, sometimes he wasn't, but that didn't mean that whatever Joker had planned wasn't dangerous or harmful or for Pete's sake- Forgotten! No, that clown's ideas'-from popping a ballon full of Joker gas all over Gotham city- to making Batman run around like a chicken with its head cut off with his scheme to turn the ones that wronged him into cards-literally. Turning Bruce Wayne's best friend Ethan Bennett into the shapeshifting creature known as Clayface, or deciding to dress up as Batman and fight crime in his own unique way-plus injecting Batman with Joker venom, slowly making Batman turn into Joker, or of course-going inside Joker's head in order to find out where Detective Yin is- Plus many more.
Also, anything Joker says doesn't make any sense. Why can't the clown just make things easy for once? At times when Batman would have to ask Joker (em, interrogate) to find out where he hid someone or where one of his weapons were in order to stop his plan, the clown would give him an answer, sorta-or he wouldn't. Either way Joker made sure to keep The Batman guessing.
But this-this, this was just wrong!
Batman found Joker on a rooftop- for once they weren't battling it out, which should be the first sign somethings amiss.
He had his signature orange shirt on with his purple jacket, black gloves that kept his fingers showing, black pants and light purple-well what USED to be boots, there was nothing really covering his feet, he was practically barefoot!
Joker had his normal psychotic grin on his face, showing off his yellow sharp teeth.
"Batsy!" The clown greeted happily.
"Joker-" Batman began "What are you doing here?"
"Oh, I just figured I'd take a little stroll."
"On the roof?"
Joker frowned. "Ok, so I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?" Batman looked down. "You've been eating a lot," Batman pointed out, looking at the clown's big round belly.
Joker glared for a second, then went back to his normal personality and continued talking- "That's what I wanted to talk to you about!"
"You're gaining weight."
Joker growled, "I'M NOT FAT!"
"Then what do you want?"
"When two people love each other a lot-" Joker began.
"Get to the point." Batman was getting annoyed.
"I'm pregnant." Joker blurted out.
Batman didn't say anything, no, it can't be-it's impossible! Maybe he was just joking. Batman didn't want to believe it
"That's impossible, males can't have babies."
"Well then what do you call-this!" Joker lifted his shirt up to reveal the round white belly.
"Maybe you have a tape worm." Batman was determined to think of excuses that Joker wasn't pregnant. He wouldn't believe it, he didn't want to believe it!
Joker put his shirt back into place, "Well then, I'll just have to convince you."
This resulted in Joker trying to bring evidence so Batman would believe him.
Next encounter...
Joker was currently waving an ultra sound picture in front of The Batman's face.
"What's that?" Batman asked with his normal serious tone.
"Exactly what you think it is Batsypoo-" (we've got a new nickname to add to the list!)
"It's our baby!" Joker happily exclaimed.
"How do I know you didn't steal it?"
Joker stopped and looked at Batman, "What do you mean?"
"That could be anyone's ultra sound picture, maybe you stole it."
Next Attempt...
"Here!" Joker shoved a stethoscope in Batman's hands.
Batman looked at it, then back at Joker.
"I'm not-" Before Batman could finish his sentence Joker put the stethoscope earplugs (or whatever you call it) in Batman's ears, (under the mask) and put the end of the stethoscope (where you listen) on his belly and waited.
"Hear anything?"
"No."
(wait for it-)
Suddenly Batman picked up a sound, a beat-a heartbeat. Batman had a look of disbelief on his face. Does this mean-no, it can't be true- males can't have babies. Quickly! Cover it up- say something to prove this rumor false!
"You have two hearts."
Joker facepalmed
next...
"Let's see if THIS convinces you." Joker shoved an object towards Batman's face. Batman took the object in his hand.
"A Pregnancy Test." Batman looked at it. "Positive."
"Well?"
Batman read on- "might result to false positive."
Joker just hung his head and let out a frustrated sigh
Next...
Some how Joker got Batman to take him to the Batcave, and was now lying on a metal table hooked up to an Ultra Sound machine. (I have no idea what the real thing is called) The gel (have no idea what the actual gel is called) already on his stomach and already for the Ultra Sound. Before you know it, a screen showed up, showing the unborn fetus.
"See?!" Joker motioned to the screen.
Batman was about to say something to deny the obvious evidence in front of him, when Joker cut him off.
"I'm not done yet!" Joker reached in his purple coat and produced a remote with a red button. Joker pressed the button making the sound of a heartbeat echo through out the Batcave.
"How did you?"
"Eh, I have my ways." Joker answered.
No comment from The Batman, Joker frowned. "You still don't believe me, do you?"
"..." still no comment.
Joker grabbed Batman's gloved hand, taking the glove off and placing the Bat's bare hand on his stomach, this has to convince him.
Batman froze, Joker still holding his hand down so he wouldn't pull away. No doubt this was one awkward moment, neither of them said anything, not even the bats hanging on the ceiling made a noise. Both males waiting for something to happen. Suddenly a small movement was felt; Batman felt it; Joker felt it; BOTH felt it. Batman's white eyes widened a little, another swift movement, only harder. Batman looked at the Ultra Sound screen, still having his hand held captive by Joker's.
The screen showed the fetus kicking. The kicking on the screen matched the movement that Batman was feeling; no doubt, Joker's pregnant. The unborn fetus stretched it's limbs out, like a person would do first waking up. Batman looked back to Joker's stomach to see parts of the skin stretched out, which could only mean- that's the fetus stretching.
"I hope you're enjoying this interesting sight, because this actually hurts!"
The stretched skin turned back to normal, and Batman eventually got out of Joker's grip. He's seen all the proof needed, but the one question stands-who's is it? Batman knew the answer but didn't want to believe it. Just then, the life saver of the day popped in, Alfred!
Alfred came in with a tray of food, and you can bet once he saw who else was in the Batcave, the tray of food dropped. Any glass on the tray was broken into pieces on the floor of the Batcave.
"Master Bruce-what on earth is Joker doing in the Batcave?!"
Once Bruce explained, Alfred replied with another one of his comments, "You do realize when I told you you should settle down and start a family I didn't mean like this!"
"Well, we don't know if it's really mine."
"Oh it's yours alright!" Joker's voice came in from the background, making Bruce and Alfred both turn to the clown.
"What did you do?" Was all Bruce said.
"Weeeeeeell, let's just say I got the help from a certain walking ice box-"
"Mr Freeze." Bruce corrected.
"And I got him to use "Science" and stuff to put an artificial Womb inside of me, and he told me that-in order to get your DNA, I had to take a part from you-"
Bruce put his hand on his head, knowing exactly what the clown meant. One time Joker managed to take Batman's mask off and-instead of revealing his secret to the world, Joker simply tore off a chunk of Bruce's hair.
"And of course some of MY DNA, and-well- you can probably guess the rest."
That did it- Bruce collapsed to the floor.
Joker just looked down at the unconscious Bruce Wayne. "Now do you believe me?!"
...
"Master Bruce, Master Bruce wake up!"
Bruce slowly opened his eyes and sat up, rubbing his head. "Ugh, Alfred I had the most horrible dream, that Joker was pregnant and-" Bruce looked at the table Joker was sitting on, "Good morning Sleeping Beauty!"
Bruce fainted again.