Levi hated to sleep alone at night. Captain Levi, the strongest man alive, member of the scouting legion, the right hand of the famous Erwin Smith, preferred to spend his night finishing his paperwork rather than to sleep on his bed. He would work whole night or read some book until he fell asleep on the couch or his desk. There were also times where instead of sleeping, he was awake and cleaning up the whole HQ alone. He would sleep for an hour or so after that before he woke up and started his daily routine. It happened repeatedly that the dark circle under his eyes had become something perpetual.
No matter how many times the scenes played in his head, he would never get used to it. Every time he would wake up with a jolt and sweat all over his body. It was a weird feeling, not something he usually felt when he was awake but ironically he felt it every time he fell asleep—fear.
Aside from those things he did to avoid having the nightmare repeatedly where he had to witness his subordinates died in front of his eyes, there was another thing that could help him. There was apparently someone who could free him from the crazy nightmare: Hange Zoe, the crazy scientist who obsessed for titans.
Levi had never said it directly because he was just not someone who would just blurt everything he felt about, but he had a feeling that the messy haired four eyed woman should have known about it—that her presence was important for him. He wasn't sure how it began but slowly, it just happened naturally. It had no name but it was important for him—whatever it was, the thing they had right now.
It started when Levi was being drunk alone and Hange was there, somehow, teasing him for being drunk in a place like that. Maybe at the time she was also drunk, he would never know about that. He barely remembered anything from that night. Actually from that point onward the only thing he remembered was how Hange screaming his name in ecstasy and the fact that he didn't have any nightmare that night. That was how it began, and since then they had been doing this with no attachment.
After what happened that night, Levi realized that by feeling somebody sleeping next to him, feeling and hugging their warm body, could help him to sleep without the nightmares haunting him. Levi didn't seek for a relationship and he knew she felt the same way, maybe that was the beginning of the mutual unspoken agreement between them. They had the thing called mutual symbiosis, where they used each other to run away from something haunting them.
There were nights where Hange would sneak into Levi's room and spent the night there. In the morning when they had breakfast with the other, they would act casually and nobody would bring it up. Levi would have his breakfast silently and sometimes Hange would try to tease the captain but there would be nothing unusual. Levi wanted to keep it like that. He never liked rumor, especially if it were about him.
For outsider, it might be hard to see Hange Zoe as a squad leader. People might see her as someone half crazy who did thing in her eccentric way. Some new recruit wondered how she could even become a squad leader, or how she could manage to fight a titan with that carefree attitude. Some of them were too scared and worried to work under her supervision. Hange herself however didn't care if people think she was crazy, she just didn't think it was weird if she dreamed that one day she could make titan and human live together side by side without having to kill each other. Right now it would be difficult as she hadn't found the way but that was why she work so hard.
Maybe to other people, Hange looked like someone carefree and reckless—she was really, but that was not all of her—the truth is she was quite observant. As a scientist, she used to look at little detail people tend to ignore. For example, she was the one who realized that captain Levi hadn't slept well lately. The other might not realize it but she could see that the circle around his eyes were darker than usual, the scowl was deeper than usual and also he was crankier than usual.
Hange wasn't stupid. Just by looking, she could tell that the man had nightmares which must be the reason of his lack of sleep. Of course, just like the other people who had a chance to see a real titan with their own eyes, she also had the nightmares. She didn't know exactly who died in Levi's dream but she knew that it must be a really bad dream.
Nightmares had always been a problem, especially to someone like Levi who would keep everything to himself. He would not let people see his weak side. Having problem to sleep was apparently one of those 'problems' he didn't want people to know about but when she saw him that night she could see that the nightmare had gone worse. From the way he drank his beer, Hange knew that the man was trying to get drunk in order to have a dreamless sleep that night.
At first, she didn't want to do anything. She just watched him from her seat, wondering how the man would get back to his room if he were that drunk. She was half amused when she realized a beautiful girl who was Levi's subordinate walked toward Levi. Then she changed her mind of 'just watching' Levi. She knew that the girl, Petra, had a thing for the captain and for a reason she didn't want her to get closer to Levi when he was drunk like this. Hange didn't want to take a risk because it had been a while since she decided that Levi was hers.
Hange was faster than Petra. She managed to get to Levi and touched his shoulder before the younger girl could even take another step toward the captain. Hange was glad because instead of the pretty young girl, it was her. She grinned when he looked at her with a scowling red face—clearly really drunk at the moment.
Hange didn't really remember what she said or did after that, she next think she knew, they ended up in his room, making love like a teenager crazy in love. Hange was glad she wasn't drunk that night so she could remember what happened that night in his room—in his bed—the first time they touched each other intimately.
She knew she was being unfair to Petra because she was using this chance to sleep with Levi. He was drunk and she took this chance to be with him. She couldn't help it though, all is fair in war and love.
After the first time, there would be the second, the third, and so on, without they realized it, it had become a habit. They never talk about this, about the thing they had together—if it were even actually a thing at all. It was confusing if people ask her to explain what she had with Levi right now, but she didn't care. It wasn't really important at all, whatever it was, she was happy with it. The sex was good with Levi and that was enough.
Morning when Hange vomited her gut out was the ninth morning since Levi and his squad left for a mission. The night before he left behind the wall, they spent the night together in Levi's private quarter. That night was a bit different than usual. After they made love, he pulled her into a warm embrace, something he didn't do very often. Levi wasn't a romantic or sentimental man. This was the first time he was acting and for a reason it scared Hange.
"You'll be back right?"
Suddenly Hange couldn't recognize her own voice. She pulled away a bit to look into his eyes. Hange sighed, she narrowed her eyes a bit, without her glasses she couldn't see very well, somehow it made her more nervous.
"What do you mean?" Levi sounded cool and confident just like usual, "do you really think that I would let those nasty bastards to kill me?"
Hange shrugged, "I don't know, well, since I wouldn't be there to take are of you, so... OUCH!"
Levi bumped his forehead on Hange, making the woman pouted at him. He hissed, "I am fine and I will be back, okay?"
Slowly a playful grin appeared on her face as she saw him scowling, "bring me a titan alive as a souvenir?"
That was nine days ago before he went for what supposed to be a short mission. He should be back within a week and he hadn't.
At the time, Hange didn't care anymore whether or not Levi brought her a titan alive back with him. She just wanted him to come back soon, alive, to her. She really needed him to be here with her right now. There were things she needed to talk with him at the moment. Things would be worse for her if Levi got killed in this expedition. Of course, after so many years working with the man and saw with her own eyes how the man slayed those titans, there were no reason for her to doubt Levi's strength. But on the other side, Hange had been in the scouting legion for so long that she had seen so many deaths. No matter how strong, people died. The chance would never be zero, even for Levi.
If something happened to Levi this time, she would be fucked. She hadn't told him the news and she would regret it until the day she died. And she didn't want that.
Hange looked at her own reflection on the mirror. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She had just clean her mouth to get rid of the taste of the nasty vomit. She hated what she saw on the mirror. She looked so bad.
She slapped both of her pale cheek, tried to make it returned to the usual color. She looked so bad like this. Hange tried to grin in front of the mirror, making sure that she looked fine before she left the rest room.
Yes, everything would be okay.
She was about going back to her office when a recruit running into the room, out of breathe and shouting.
"They're back! The scouting team has returned and they bring a Titan alive with them!"
Hange's face turned bright. She was right. Today would be alright for her. Things would be just fine. She grinned as she quickly headed to the door, ready to welcome her friends. To welcome a short man with grumpy attitude whom she had been missed since the first day he was leaving.
"...there are only nine of them return."
Hange stopped before she even managed to get by the door. Nine people returned. Only nine. From the thirty eight people went outside, there were only nine of them returned alive?
Shivering, Hange opened the wooden door in front of her. She was praying silently that one of the nine people returned was Levi. Her Levi...
Hange held her breathe as she opened the door and stepped outside. She looked around, biting her lip and a bit panicked when she didn't find him in first few seconds she was searching. Until then her brown eyes met a pair or cold icy blue eyes she knew very well.
She didn't care—for the first time in her live—about the titan on the cart, the recruits was trying to move it into the back yard. She could hear Moblit giving order. Mikasa who was still covered in blood—apparently, from the way she could gracefully walk, that wasn't her blood.
She didn't care about Eren, the boy who was also a subject of her research who was laying on the stretcher. Didn't move but clearly still breathing.
Her eyes were on that man. He was covered in blood and sweat, looked tired and grumpy as usual but still alive. Standing still and looking at her with a scowling face. Levi was alive and Hange didn't care about anything else. She ran and jumped the man who was clearly unhappy with the sudden attack.
"Hey, let me go, stupid!" Levi pushed her away because she realized the recruits around them were looking at them right now and he didn't like being the center of attention like this.
Levi tried so hard to make Hange let him go but Hange could be very strong if she wanted to and he was really tired at the moment.
"Welcome back!" Hange grinned happily, she didn't plan to loosen her hug at all.
"Let me go right now, you freak woman!" Levi groaned, he hated this position which made him somehow felt shorter.
Hange pulled away a little and smiled, her hands still around his neck. He might be dirty, grumpy and glaring at her but he was alive. That was enough.
"You really bring a Titan alive for me!"
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A.n
it is actually a translate of my old levihan work, original work can be found in FFn, where I posted this fic originally in Bahasa Indonesia, but some people asked me to translate it, so here it is...
the plot is not so original actually, you know, if you compared it to my other fic like something ugly, something beautiful, this one is more like my attempt to write an often used plot. so yeah... try enjoy it?