"When the time comes, what will you see?"
Long time ago, maybe about twenty years before, Lucius asked him this question, when they talked about their futures and their death. And at that time, his answer is that there would be nothing in his mind, just darkness, and he would die graciously and calmly. He couldn't remember what Lucius said, perhaps he never gave his answer. But Severus always believes his answer clearly, not the darkness one, that was a lie to Lucius, his Death Eater colleague. The really answer to this question was Lily, that girl with long aflame hair. That was his secret affection.
But, now, the time of death is coming, he feels the blood running out his body. By giving his memory to Harry, he finished his work, waiting for death. He closes his eyes, expecting to see his Lily, but no, there is no Lily. There is darkness, like he told Lucius before. For some reason he feels he is so pathetic. He is sad, maybe he never thought about moving on from Lily, but now, he finds he already moved on, even he does not realize when this happened. A dying man, without one person to cherish his memory of, is sad, he has to admit it. But then he see a face, a smiling face, a young boy, with long blond hair.
Lucius.
The person flash in his mind before he dies is Lucius, starting with they first conversation. All the memories between them floods into his head. At first, he doesn't know why, but later he get the reason. He does have a secret affection, but not about Lily. He was too afraid to see it, but now, he is dying, and nothing scared him anymore. And finally he can see, see himself.
He loves that man, Lucius. All the time he buries his feelings about Lucius in the deepest corner of his head, forbidding him to think about it. The love of that man is so dangerous and STUPID. Lucius, he could not image if he tell him about his feeling, what will that man say, maybe a joke without sense of humor. But what's the matter, he is dying.
"Enjoy the last moment of your life, Severus. Don't bother yourself again, you has done that during your whole life and this is the time to stop it." He tells himself.
But he finds that is not the end of his open his eyes, realizing he is laying on his bed, in his room. "I am alive," he whisper. But then he realizes it is not that easy. He is alive, and younger, backing to his teenage, in Hogwarts, as a student, second grade.
He can't believe it, but it is real. The bed, the room, they are so real. And suddenly, he has a idea. He must tell Lucius, this time.