A/n: Hey so well this is another story I'm starting. My muse finally came back from being on strike and so I have started another one... South is getting canceled is sad :-( I know it's old news, but :-( still. I wish I had more to say in this authors note, I just saw the preview to Tina's Fey new movie Baby Mama and it looks hilarious---just bc I'm a huge Tina Fey humor fan. Youtube the preview, it's funny--trust me.
But back to bisnass, I just ask that you leave some sort of feedback so I know this story is worth continuing, so review and let me know if I should continue or stop because it horrible. On with the show.
Disclaimer: Don't own a thing besides my ideas and wouldn't claim otherwise.
Who am I?
That is the philosophical question that seems continuously rack my brain. It's conveniently located beneath these long layers of my blonde hair, located behind my blue eyes, and it's seemingly small. So, tell me why such a small piece of me always makes me ponder these intangible questions.
I stare at myself in the mirror as I finish wiping my wet face off with a towel. Aw man, I missed rinsing some of my face wash off. I huffed as I quickly turned the water back on, checked the temperature with my index finger, then I splashed it on my face. I always wondered why the splashes never turn out like on the commercials. You know, like when they are selling the facial wash on the commercials the chick always has that perfect, and I mean, perfect splash of water. I never get that.
Whatever.
So, back to wiping the water off my face with my towel and pondering the intangible questions of who am I, and what is my life's purpose? I always had my most life altering questions in the solitude of my bathroom. It's always so quiet and serene. A bathroom, I know. How serene can a bathroom be? Well, when you live with two of your siblings in a small apartment, well it's not small. But when you live with Glen and Kyla, you could live in the largest mansion in Egypt and feel---well smothered.
It's the place where I can just stare at myself in the mirror and think, uninterrupted. I get my most---
"Spencer!!!" Glen screamed as he knocked rudely on the door. I guess in most normal households, you wouldn't get bothered if you were in the bathroom. But oh, it seems like a normal occurrence around here. Can't get peace anywhere.
"What the fuck do you want?" I screamed as I finished drying my face.
"I have to piss like a mother fucker and if you don't hurry your pretty little ass up, it's going to end up on your bed." I heard Glen chuckle as he started pounding on the door again.
I rolled my eyes and threw the wash cloth on the counter, "Piss your pants for all I care." I nonchalantly countered.
"All right. Here I go. To piss on your bed." I heard Glen's footsteps scatter away from the door and I was starting to shift in the spot where I stood. It's Glen, he is capable of anything. I bet he'd go as far as pissing on my bed. Fucking fine, I was done with my thoughts anyways. I was running late any how.
I whipped open the door, "There, piss in the toilet. And don't forget to put the toilet seat down this time. Oh yeah and FLUSH."
Boys. How disgusting and unkempt they can be. Especially, my brother Glen.
"Yes, mother. Aren't you going to be late?" He screamed through the door.
"Since when do you care if I'm late?" I walked away just shaking my head. He pissed me off first thing on the morning. I am far beyond a morning person, he is defiantly on my bad side for the rest of the day.
I opened Kyla's door to wake her up, but big surprise she has already left for school. That girl is always early. I don't get people and their promptness. I say I'm going to be late to my own funeral. But before I'm late to that, I'm going to be late to group.
Glen stepped out of the bathroom as he was zipping up his jeans, "So you need a lift?"
I slung my purse over my shoulder, "Naw, I feel like a walk today. I'm just going to walk, it's not far."
"You should change that walk, into a run. Isn't group in like twenty minutes? How many blocks away is it?" Glen tapped at the door frame as he spoke.
"Glen, you're the one holding me up. It's not far, just whatever. If I'm late...I'm late. No big." I headed out the door, but turned around to yell one last thing at Glen, "Lock up before you leave! Douche bag." I kind of just murmured the douche bag part under my breath as I stepped into the stairwell.
I was feeling angsty so I threw in my ear buds and I knew exactly what song I needed. "Gravity," by Jennifer Nettles Band. Her voice usually does the trick for me. I started listening and walking as fast as I could. Way to make a great impression on your first day of group. Walk faster. Move legs, move!
I finally reached the building and realized I had to find the room within the building. Man, if I would have known that---I still probably wouldn't have left early, but I would have thought about it. I walked up to this lady at the reception desk, "Hey, do you know what floor, Dr. Summers is on?"
She slowly looked up at me, like I was distracting her from her job. Well, news flash lady you sit at the fucking reception desk, this is your job. Answering my pathetic questions. Damn, when did I get so bitter.
"Yeah, it's the third floor and I believe it's the third room on the right. I could be mistaken which room it is, but her name is located on the door." She pointed as she spoke but once she finished she went back to staring at the phone continuously ringing.
"Thanks." I said before I decided to run up the stairs and not take the elevator. Since there was a line just to even get on the elevator I decided running up three flights stairs would be faster.
Hey, that lady at the reception desk might not be that useless after all. She was exactly right, third door on the right. I figured there was no sense in knocking, since I was scheduled to be there so I just stumbled on in.
"There is a sign on my door that says knock before entering. How can I help you young lady?" Dr. Summers, spoke with a very stern tone.
"Well, I'm supposed to be in this group session. So I figured no knock was needed." I saw an empty chair, that was of course right next to nice Doctor, and I sat down, very slowly.
"So I take it you are Spencer Carlin?" The doctor ran a pen down a piece of paper on her clipboard.
"Yup, that's me." I looked at all the other bright faces in the room. How happy we all look to be here.
"Spencer. You're late, try not to make that a habit. Lateness, I can accept but drugs I will not. Therefore, I must search your bag." She motioned with her hands for me to hand over my purse.
I gave her a, you're shitting me look. But she still held out her hand and I gave it to her, "But I've been clean. Why must you search it?"
"This entire group has supposedly been clean, and I checked everyone else when they arrived on time. You are all here today for a reason. You are here in this group therapy session to talk about your battle with on going drug addiction. But you are all clean and sober because for you to be in my office today you all had to go through some sort of rehab to get here. I congratulate you all. But the hard part is not going back to your weakness; you're addiction. And I'm about the truth in this room. No bullshit. So seven out of the ten of you will eventually go back to using one day. It's the cold, simple truth. So why don't we all make each other proud and prove that statistic wrong. So Spencer, here's your bag back, you're clean."
"I told you I was." I slouched down in my chair as I threw my purse down under my chair.
"Spencer, you are new to this group. So why don't you introduce yourself and give us some details about why you are here." The good doctor motioned me to stand up.
God, how I hate all eye diverted at me. I stood up and looked around the circle, "Well, I'm Spencer Carlin. I'm twenty-one years old. I'm a virgin--" Shit, wrong word choice. I saw this really hot, taut brunette smile and let out a very soft chuckle as she heard me speak, "I mean I'm a virgin to this whole therapy program. Uhh what else, I've been clean and sober for three months. I got out of rehab two months ago, and the only reason I am here is because my siblings think it would be good for me to talk about my problems with the lack of dealing."
"Well, group. Why don't we introduce ourselves to Spencer here. Make her feel welcomed." Wow, this makes me feel as if I am in kindergarten.
Everyone went around the room and introduced themselves and their choice of poison they were addicted to. But the only person I really heard was her. "I'm Ashley and I'm not a virgin," I raised my brow and gave her a smirk as she kept on making this earth shattering eye contact with me, "That is, I'm not a virgin to this whole therapy thing. I've been doing this since I was nine."
Oh man, she's hot and she has issues. She's my perfect match. I started at her slightly exposed abdomen where her shirt had risen when she was adjusting. I probably should be listening to whatever the doc was saying, but I was too busy staring at the abs of Ashley she is flashing at me. What a tease. A really hot tease.
"Spencer!" Dr. Summers shouted as I was startled out of my gaze.
"Yes?"
"Why don't you tell us what you have a problem dealing with."
Fuck, this is a tough subject. Whatever, might as well open up on the first day. I let out a very deep sigh and spoke softly, "My father died exactly two hundred and eight days ago. My siblings think I'm completely obsessed with his death. There's just---" Okay I have to stop myself from being THAT open, "There's just, whatever. I guess you can say that's my problem, these days."
I kept fidgeting with thumbs and I shyly looked up at the Doctor, then I looked at Ashley. She had this look of intrigue on her face, like she wanted to know more of my story. And I had this undying urge to tell her, but I knew I couldn't. Stop. You're not here to make friends, you don't want to detour yourself from why you are here. You are here to get better and gain closure. You're not here to put your head in-between Ashley's legs, because that's exactly where I'd like to be. And something tells me, she probably tastes---
I was instantly snapped out of my day dream, when everyone started getting up. "What's going on?" I asked aloud but no one seemed to answer me. Way, to make me feel welcomed to the group.
"It's break time. Were you paying attention at all? Or were you too busy staring at my hot bod?" Ashley chuckled as she patted my back.
I felt my cheeks flush and I shyly looked at the ground, "N-n-no I wasn't---I mean I was paying attention. Except for the last part. Break, like for how long?"
"Here, come this way. They have fruit punch and shit. Spencer, are you sure you're not high on something now?" She smirked. Her tone came off completely cocky and I loved it.
"Oh yeah, you know me. I snorted a line right before I came." I laughed and shook my head at her.
"So, you seemed to tense up after you started talking about your father, what's the real story?" Ashley asked as she poured me, then herself some fruit punch.
"Oh, I'd rather not talk---"
"You're here to talk about everything. You're gonna have to get comfortable talking to someone about it sometime. So, why not start with me?" She sipped on her fruit punch and then she shoved a cookie in her mouth and proceeded to smile at me.
"It's just a big issue with me and hey, what makes you think I want to talk to you about it, or at ALL for that matter?" I cocked my head as I folded my arms, like I had won.
"Group, it's time to get back in our circle." The doctor clapped her hands and sat in her powerful chair.
I started to walk away and Ashley grabbed my arm and whispered, "It's scary. I know, I've been really low before trust me. But this therapy shit, really does work. I know we are a bunch of strangers and it's hard to open up. But trust me, I'm not going to judge you, neither will they. Catch me after group is over, if you know you wanna talk without all this noise." She let go of my arm, but suddenly my arm was cold without her touch. She smiled at me, the cutest smile I probably have ever laid my eyes on. She crinkled her nose, just the slightest bit and my heart melted.
"Uh, thanks," we're the only words I could manage and then I walked away and sat back in the circle.
It was my first day here, so the group and the doctor didn't expect much out of me. I just kind of sat and observed. I had to take in all my surroundings and tried to see what this group shit was about. I think I could get used to coming here once a week for a couple months. The people in here don't seem to bad, the doctor seems kind of tense, other than that---I think I can handle it.
"All right group. Same time next week, great session everyone." I grabbed my bag and got up to walk away, when the doctor blurted out, "Oh and Spencer, can you stay a second?"
"Sure." I flung my purse back onto the floor and waited for everyone to scatter out of the room. I flashed one last smile in Ashley's direction and she kindly returned the gesture. Which, in turn, made me smile again.
"So, what's up, Doc?" I really just had the urge to say that the entire session. Yup, I'm a dork.
She adjusted in her seat, crossed her legs, and looked up at me, "Spencer, you had a good first day. There are a couple of rules I have. Be on time. Don't disrespect your fellow group-mates, if you disagree with whatever the issue they are talking about---do it in a kind manner." She made a thinking face.
"Is that all? Because being on time, I may not be able to do that one. I'll try my best. But---"
"Oh, there's one more. No dating other group members. Those are my three rules, if you can't follow them. Then simply find another group."
"But, being on time?"
"I just feel like when people aren't on time, they are dis-respecting me. So just try your best. I know you can change, because well, you changed your drug habits. So see, if you can stop the drugs you can START being on time." She gave me a friendly smile, but not too friendly. It was one of those intimating, friendly smiles.
"Oh, fine. But every now and then, I get a five minute leeway." Come on fall for it. I'm loveable, go for it Doc. Come on. I can see her debating the thought, ha my magic works on just about anyone.
She rolled her eyes, "Fine. But don't make it a habit, kay?"
"Okay." I smiled and then trotted out of Dr. Summers office.
I stumbled outside and to my surprise I saw Ashley standing there. I flashed a smile at her and continued to walk. I assumed she was waiting for someone else, why would she possible wait for me? Plus, doc said no dating within the group. And I cannot leave that group. I feel like I fit in already.
"Hey, wait up!" I turned as I adjusted my bag's weight on my shoulder.
I stood there and waited for Ashley to say another word, but she didn't. So, I finally spoke, "We're you calling me? Or is this going to be one of those embarrassing moments where you called for the person in front of me." I smiled and started to walk towards the direction of my apartment.
"Nope, I was calling for you. You need a lift home? I thought maybe you had considered talking about your problems." She flashed her smile as she continued to walk with me.
"Oh right. No, thanks...to both of your offers. But again, thanks." I looked over at her once, then shot my eye contact to the floor.
"Oh, well no problem. You will eventually, no rush. So can I least, walk you home?" She lingered and looked at me with sad eyes.
I stopped in my tracks, "I'm a big girl, I think I can walk myself home. But this is a public sidewalk and I can't stop you from walking next to me on the way to my place." I flashed her a smile and hoped she would continue walking with me. It'd be nice to have a clean, sober friend. Since I don't really talk to anyone else besides Glen and Kyla these days.
She let out a light laugh, "Well, how could I say no to that?"
We walked in silence for awhile as we kept stealing side glances at one another. I finally broke the silence with a question.
"So, Ashley, what's your story?"
"What's my story, huh? You're going to have to be a little more vague." She laughed out.
"Oh, well uhh what landed you in group?" I looked over at her as I waited for her response.
She quickly shoved her hands into her jean pockets, "Well, it's not a pretty story. But the gist of it is, I was heavily addicted to coke. I tried it for the first time just about a year ago and then my parents marriage went to shit and I took it hard. Tons of fighting, blaming stuff on me, and I started going out more and coke is where I buried all my problems."
Wow, stupid fucking parents she has. Poor girl. "So, how long have you been, well, sober?"
"It's been six months. I just got into Dr. Summers group maybe about a month or two ago. She's pretty cool, she is blunt as hell though. So, if you don't like hearing the truth, well I'd have to say get out now." She stole a glance at me as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"I can defiantly handle the truth, in fact, that's all I can handle. I hate bullshit and sugarcoating. If you got something to say, say it! Ya know?"
"I hear you loud and clear. So, Spencer. Can I ask you a question?"
My head darted up and I made eye contact with her. Her tone seemed so serious, "Sure, shoot."
"Are we the least bit close to your place?" She laughed as she looked around at all the tall buildings.
I sprung my head up and starting looking at the street signs. Damn, I have been walking with her for a while. Please, don't make a fool out of yourself. Score. "Nope, I'm just another street down. You can head back to wherever if you want. I can handle the rest of my way, if you have to get going."
"So, I am walking you home, aren't I? I knew you couldn't resist walking without me." She smirked.
I honestly didn't know what to say to that. I didn't have a witty retort. She was right, I wanted her to finish walking me home. I probably would have been slightly offended if she did just leave me there to walk the rest of the way myself.
"Ah, your silence tells it all. No big, I'll finish walking you home." She got closer and looped her arm through mine.
My felt my face turn all shades of red, when she did so. "Well, thank you kind, sir." I laughed. "But seriously, thanks for the walk and talk."
She looked over at me and smiled. We still had our arms tangled together, but then I remembered---I probably shouldn't be leading her on. That is, if she's even gay. She could be just overly friendly.
"Hey, pleasure is all mine."
I reluctantly took my arm back, "Well, here we are. This is my place." I pointed to the giant apartment complex, towering over us.
"Nice place. I hope I get to see the inside one day soon." She gave a slight wink at me. Okay, she definitely bats for my team. You can put it on the boaaaaard, yes!
"I'm sure you will. Well, It was really nice to meet you Ashley---" My voice trailed off, since I realized I did not know her last name.
"Davies." She continuously smiled.
"Nice to meet you Ashley Davies."
"You too, Spencer Carlin. Same time next week?"
"I'll see ya there." I smiled as I walked up the steps. I stopped before opening the door, to catch one last glance of Ashley. I needed that one last glance, because I knew I surely would be thinking about her all week long. We held a gaze for a good thirty seconds and then I finally headed in. Damn, what am I getting myself into?