Damn!!!: A Rival Schools Story
By Neusa Gaspar, a.k.a. "Judge Neusy"
Typed By Apollo Alexandre, a.k.a. "Grand Master Shoma"
We'll be blunt: We do not own these characters, but we own this fan fic. Don't steal it.
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July 4, 2001 9:45 P.M.
Daigo was leisurely sitting on the couch, reading the evening news. Then, all of a sudden, a bellowing Akira stormed through the door. She was carrying with her her soaking dress she wore while it was storming outside. She immediately dashed straight to Daigo, and cried endlessly on his arm.
"Akira, what the fuck happened? Where's Edge? I thought you were on a date." Daigo asked, but saw that only saying that name made her bellow even worse. He was now a tiny bit pissed. "What did that dipshit do now? Tell me everything."
Wiping a tear from her eye, she only said "Never mind. I don't feel like talking now. Good night, brother Daigo." Then silently stomped off to her room.
Mad, and cracking his knuckles and neck, muttered, "It's ass-kicking time!" And drove off on his motorcycle. First he drove off to Edge's house, but his mother told him that he wasn't at home. Then Daigo checked the women's fitting room in the lingerie shop. Then Daigo thought of the first place that no one would want to see him in: the grade student park.
He saw Edge, sitting alone on the swing set. He swear he heard him say something about how confused and unfaithful he was. Daigo finally got up to Edge, and gave him a solemn stare. "Edge." was all Daigo muttered.
Right before he could say anything, Daigo punched him square in the face. "OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!" Edge yelled, "What was that for!?"
"You have made my sister cry, and we made a pact that if you ever become untrue to her, I could kick your ass." Daigo then cracked his knuckles and neck, then calmly stated, "Now, it's ass-kicking time!"
Edge, feeling no threat, just said, "Go ahead. Beat me. I don't care."
Daigo was about to punch Edge in the face, but was feeling something. "Don't be soft, don't be soft, don't be soft..." He then refrained his assault on Edge. "Tell me what happened."
"I thought Akira told you."
"WELL SHE DIDN'T, SO TELL ME!!!!"
"Don't yell at me, you woman. I'll talk! I'll talk!"
"...Remind me to beat you up later."
"Alright! Now, this is what happened." Edge said as he was sitting upright on the tiny swing, "We were just sitting in the restaurant, just happily talking about things. Then, we went to the park. All of a sudden, three mysterious students came out, and started with the insults! The insult that hurt me the most, was that I was only going out with Akira because she was your little sister. That, and I would get better authority. I was in so much of a rage that I left Akira all alone. Not only did that happen, but the biggest insult that hurt me was... I can't say it!"
"Just say it, Edge."
"... The biggest insult was that even though Akira could love me, I could never love her. She taught me so much, but how could I repay her in return? I don't know how to handle this!!" And Edge started to break down on Daigo's shoulder.
"Don't worry, Edge. Big Boss will handle everything." Daigo said. He would have continued on, but the mysterious students knocked out Edge and Daigo. When they woke up, they were in separate, dank cells. "Uh, my head. Where am I? Edge. Edge! Wake up, you dipshit!"
"Uh, my head. Where are we?? I want out!!" Edge attempted to grapple the bars, but electricity was running through it, thus causing painful electric shocks. When Edge got a grip with the cell floor, he gave off a small "OOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"You okay, Edge?"
But before Edge could respond, they were surrounded by hordes upon hordes of mysterious students.
"Why are you hassling us?" Daigo screamed.
"We have nothing better to do." The leader appeared out of the shadows of the prison.
"You... You want Akira don't you!!!???" Edge screamed.
"No. We were originally gonna stab your arm and take your money, but that's a good idea. Thank you."
"Oh Edge." Daigo muttered, then turned back to the students. "Who are you writing a letter to?"
"You should know this, big brother Daigo. We are sending a letter to your younger sister, Akira Kazama. WE are telling her to come and save you guys at midnight tonight, otherwise, you die. And she cannot have any assistance. She must come alone."
"Aren't you going to tell the address?" Daigo said.
"That's the fun part. She has to find it." The leader said.
July 5, 2001 7:00 A.M.
As Akira woke up, she wondered where her brother was. He was probably hanging with Edge, she thought. As Akira was getting herself dressed, she saw a letter on the ground. She had the time to pick it up and read it. It read, as followed:
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Akira Kazama,
We have your boyfriend and, more importantly, your brother. If you want to see them both again (and alive), you have to meet us at the _ _ _ _ at 12:00 A.M., tonight. It is death for them otherwise.
P.S.: No assistance. If you do, they die on the spot.
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"That's just great," she thought to herself. "I guess I can't tell Zaki or Yurika or Gan about this. And just because I'm a girl, they'll expect me to be not as powerful... Unless they think I'm a guy! In the heat of the night, is when it starts."
As the day passed on, so did the plan of freeing her brother and dumbass boyfriend. When it was near midnight, the plan begun.
She was getting her motorcycle outfit ready, including that one piece that was needed the most: Daigo's motorcycle helmet. Looking at the mirror, she looked like she did at Gedo... minus the stuffing that doesn't reveal her boobs. "No wonder people think I have a large rack!" This was quickly solved. She then searched at the clock, and it proved to be 11:00 P.M. "I have an hour to search. Hold on brother, I'm coming!"
As she was shredding across with her motorcycle, she was stopped by a policeman, but ignored him and kept on driving. "Sir, you are under arrest for going 101 at a 100 speed limit."
"Sir? That's it, I'm losing them!!" And she did it with flying colors. She looked at her watch, and it read 11:40 P.M. She then found an old, abandoned warehouse. And at both entrances were students, ready to fire at first sight. "Hmm... They are expecting me from both sides. I could crash through the window, but I need a ramp, or lift of sorts."
Meanwhile...
"What time is it, Daigo?" Edge asked with no hope.
"5 to, Edge. I can't believe were going to die."
Trying some way to pass the time, he reminded Daigo, "Hey Daigo, you were supposed to beat me up for calling you a woman."
"... Oh yeah!" As Daigo was about to punch Edge through the barred window, he was screaming out large amounts of pain, then fell back down.
"Daigo! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!"
"They generate electricity between the bars?!"
"Shish man, where were you in science class? The bars generate positive and negative electricity, therefore..." Before Edge could finish, he was fired at with lightning for 5 minutes, then fainted.
"Cool, dipshit. Do it again."
"Alright gentlemen, at the sound of dead bodies, the time will be... 12:00 midnight."
"Daigo, tell Akira that my love for her will be forever true."
"Edge, I'm gonna die as well."
"Shit."
They then saw a motorcycle crashed through the window and crushed two people. Akira crushed three. "Who are you?!" The boss said. Akira remained silent, cracking her knuckles, saying nothing. "You cannot take all my men all at once. You realize that, right?"
"... Watch me." Akira said in her most mannish tone.
She beat many guys and took many a beating, and twas all in good fun. She only had a problem with the leader, because he kicked her helmet off, revealing her true self.
"A woman... a woman defeated all except me?"
"Surprised? They were weak any way." Akira smirked. "Let them go, now."
"Never." And the two were duking it out. When the boss saw that he was slightly losing, he tossed a smoke bomb.
"That's fighting dirty, you bitch!!!" Daigo yelled as his sister was coughing and getting beaten down. The boss grabbed her neck and slammed her against the wall. He then proposed, "I'll make a deal with you. Join me, and I might think about letting those two live." To the deal, Akira spat on his face. "You made a big mistake, bitch."
And he just effortlessly tossed her to Daigo's cell. She was screaming with pain because of the electricity. That caused it to overload, thus freeing Daigo, thus meaning ass-kicking. Before he fell in defeat, he was shocked at Akira's performance, and the fact that she was still alive. Daigo simply stated that "She doesn't die that easily."
After getting Akira up, she got her brother's helmet, and rode off into the distance.
"See you guys at home."
"C'mon Edge, let's go home. Before the police come."
"In a minute Daigo. Can you just set me free?"
"... Yes."
July 6, 2001 9:00 A.M.
Akira woke up to see Daigo and Edge, sitting around the table. Surprised, she asked about why they were there.
"Akira, I need to talk to you." And staring at Daigo, he said, "ALONE."
"Okay, I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll make breakfast." Daigo muttered as he walked into the kitchen.
When they were truly alone (Daigo was being persistent for 5 minutes), Edge got talking with Akira. "Akira, I..."
"Don't talk, Edge." Akira interrupted, "It's not your fault."
"OF COURSE IT'S MY FAULT! I WAS TOTALLY BEING UNFAITHFUL TO YOU!! THEY WERE INSULTING MY HAIRSTYLE! THEY SAID THAT I ONLY WENT OUT WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE DAIGO'S LITTLE SISTER. I WAS SECRETLY OGLING THE GIRLS IN THE PORNO MAGAZINE, BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY ONE AND ONLY!! PLEASE, DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!!!" Edge spazzed, whilst giving a mad hug on Akira.
"Edge... listen. Do you honestly believe everything they say?"
"Sometimes yes. AND ANOTHER THING, THEY KEPT ON SAYING THAT EVEN THOUGH YOU TEACH ME HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON, I COULD NEVER TEACH YOU ANYTHING IN RETURN!!!!!!!!!!"
"... You can't believe everything they say, even if it's horrible."
"BUT IT'S TRUE. YOU DO TEACH ME HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON. I EVEN LOVE MY MOM NOW!! Wait a minute! I know now! Though you teach me to be nice, I teach you to be more aggressive."
Hoping not to hurt Edge's feelings, "Actually, Daigo teaches me that. But you teach me..."
Edge interrupted, tears and all, "AAAAHHH!!!!! I'M ONLY SECOND BEST TO YOUR OWN GOD DAMN BROTHER. I AM TRULY UNFAITHFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP!?" Daigo yelled from the kitchen, "I'M TRYING TO COOK HERE." After a second passed, "OW!!!! I DROPPED HOT SAUCE ON MYSELF!"
"OH, WHAT IS WE GOING TO DO?!" Edge panicked insanely.
"WILL EVERYONE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!" Akira screeched, causing total silence in the room. She then continued, "Brother Daigo... First, you should have been more careful, and second... What kind of breakfast needs hot sauce?!"
"... I was improvising." Daigo silently mumbled.
Now turning to Edge, she spoke "Edge, you didn't let me finish. You teach me how to love."
"But Akira..."
"Don't INTERRUPT!" Calming herself down, she continued. "Edge, you teach me to love because it's just not one person in the relationship. It's both."
"... Of course! I was so blind! Give me a hug, baby!!"
After a cute 5-minute embrace, she pleaded with her lover, "Edge, first, of all, why baby? And second of all, is it necessary for you to squeeze my ass with your hands?"
He dumbassingly said, "First, because I love you, silly neener-head." Daigo was shuddering in the distance. "Second, it's either that or I squeeze your tits, doll face."
"...What?"
"WHAT!!!!! YOU IDIOT!!!!" Daigo yelled as he threw a frying pan at Edge's head. After he regained consciousness, he darted out of the house. But Daigo wasn't through with him. He was chasing after Edge, riding in his motorcycle, ...with a 3 wood in his right hand.
While Edge was running for his life, Batsu, Kyosuke, and Hyo were making a cameo appearance, whilst watching Daigo chasing that lunatic.
Batsu and Kyosuke yelled at the same time, "Go Daigo!!"
Hyo was doing his trademark signature "Yeeeeee Haaww!!!!!" while firing out his musket, and started random firing. One shot off Daigo's wheels, causing him to swerve out of control. He swerved right into Edge, and then Batsu, Hyo, and Kyosuke, causing total mayhem and destruction.
THE END