June 25th, 2007.
That is a day that will be forever etched in my mind. That is the day my favorite wrestler passed away. That is the day wrestling died for me.
I remember when I heard the news of the death of Chris, Nancy and Daniel Benoit, I thought it was a triple homicide. Or at very least carbon monoxide poisoning. I watched the tribute show and fell to the floor in tears. But when I turned on Nancy Grace right after RAW, what I saw shocked me. My heart sunk to my stomach when I heard it was a double murder suicide.
I remember my thoughts at that time. I was in denial. That couldn't be right. Nancy Grace must be mistaking. This was not a murder suicide. I watched the tribute WWE aired. This man LOVED his wife and child. Everybody stated that, and the footage at Wrestlemania 20 when he won the belt proved it; he picked up his oldest son David and hugged and kissed him. He knelled down and kissed Daniel, before swooping him in his arms for a hug, and Nancy ran into Chris' arms as he cried. The news must be wrong. There was no way what I read and heard was true.
I searched for answers. I made groups, I bought every book on the case, I did months of research. I tried so hard to agree to the theory that Kevin Sullivan, Nancy's ex husband, did the murders. He did say he would kill Chris, he was violent to Nancy. It all made sense right?My hero was innocent, right? I only did research to prove Chris was innocent, not to prove that maybe, just maybe, he did do this.
More details started to come out about the deaths, making it more heartbreaking. Reports came out Nancy was brutalized. She was battered, strangled to death by a cable cord, hog tied, blood under her head. NO woman deserves to be treated like that. She suffered, making this case more heartbreaking. Daniel was sedated before he was put in a form of the crippler crossface, causing cervical compression. Chris was found slumped near the weight machine, a suicide note written, and based on his autopsy he made every effort to make sure the suicide would work (towel over the neck, holding weights when he died, ect).
Reports came out Chris had a brain of a 85 year old Alzheimer's patient. It was badly damaged due to concussions. Also, facts came out Chris was battling with sever depression, triggered when his good friend Eddie Guerrero passed away. Friends said he wasn't the same since, he became more withdrawn. Nancy noticed it to, as she stated to others. Also, even though they were deeply in love, texts from Nancy show they had some marriage troubles. Chris also had a drug (steroid) and alcohol problem. Both Nancy (through text) and her sister Sandra stated that.
I spent 8 years fighting to prove Chris Benoit was innocent. But now, I can't say that. I want to believe it so bad. But based on everything stated in the above two paragraphs, I have to go with the facts. Facts point to one person who did this, and sadly it is my hero, my idol, Chris Benoit. Sure the police did a shit job at investigating, but DNA and facts point to Chris. (For those interested I will post my theory in a different post).
So now I have to ask one question, WHY CHRIS WHY?
Why did this have to happen. Couldn't you have just walked away if you and Nancy were fighting, leading to her death? I know the ones who used to calm you down had passed on, but did it have to come down to her dying? She didn't deserve to die, she was innocent.
Why did you have to kill Daniel? He was only 7 years old Chris! He was so innocent and young, he was your son! You were supposed to protect him, not take his life away! This is one of the reasons I can't forgive you. He loved you so much, you were his idol, his "pooh bear."
I know you loved that boy, so why do what you did?
He died from the crippler crossface, why?
Why couldn't you drop him off at the neighbors house the next day? Why couldn't you drop him off at Sandra's. She would've taken him in a heartbeat. He didn't have to die. You were probably thinking of him living with the death of you and Nancy, but to take his life away?
What about your other kids, David and Megan? Left without a dad, brother and step mom. They needed you. It breaks my heart David needs you the most, as he is becoming a wrestler, and you are not there to guide or train him.
Why did you have to go Chris? There was talk about you retiring, building a wrestling school, staying home with Daniel and trying for another baby with Nancy. If WWE didn't promise another title shot, would things be different. If you didn't take steroids would the outcome be different? If you didn't take real chair shots and didn't do the diving headbutt would you and your family still be here today?
But most importantly, I ask myself why did this all have to happen?
The one sad part in all of this, the autopsy concluded if Chris Benoit did not do what he did, he would've been dead in 10 months, because of a enlarged heart. That breaks my heart. But that wouldn't be as painful as a double murder-suicide.
I wonder what life would be like today if Nancy and Daniel were here with us today. Would Nancy and Chris have another baby? Daniel would've been 15 years old now. Would Sandra be living right beside them like they planned. Would Daniel still want to be a wrestler like his dad? Would things be easier for David, trying to make it into the business. I know Chris would've helped trained him. I also know David wouldn't have the name of Benoit in a bad light, making his journey easier.
And I know one thing for sure, Chris Benoit would be in the WWE Hall of Fame, sadly something that will not happen now.
Like I said before, I ask myself why. I will never know what happened and why. I am just grateful I had the honor of watching Chris Benoit wrestle, and I can honestly say he was the best in the world at what he did.
Chris, Nancy and Daniel are never forgotten. They will always be a part of me, I will never forget them. I hope you remember them as well.
Chris, I can never forgive you for what you did, but I will always love and respect you as a wrestler. You were the best, and when you died you took the passion I had for wrestling with you as well. I hope you have found peace and are with Eddie, Nancy and Daniel. I love you all and miss you.
Rest In Peace Chris, Nancy and Daniel Benoit
1967-2007
1964-2007
2000-2007