Dear Diary 1, Sorry for spelling mistakes, i was typing really fast, so don't mind meh he he.

I'm just here talking about how stressful and annoying home and school life can be, i hate everything and everyone, not that i really mean that, but home and school can pressure you in many different ways, like how i am at home and at school. 2 different personalities because of the way i treat everyone. I hide behind a mask at school, that smile that everyone gets, and then that real smile i actually give to my true friends, i have this sicko as a friend who acts like a hypocrite and i cannot wait to get rid of him, he acts like he's brave enough to do something, but discourages or puts me down, and then my other friends acts like a sideman, but in the end i'm the one who's going to stay at the top no matter what, because no one can put or bring me down, just have positive vibes and don't be someone you're not. My so called idiotic not friends are just idiots, and the discouraging friend is somehow in set 1 for his main lessons, he's so bloody dumb and has no idea what he does in class, what the heck, he asks me for help in his work, and i'm the one trying to work my butt off and move up sets, but no there's other people, like someone called Mahir, i'm not afraid to name names because if they ever find this, or i hope they do they'll know it's me, i don't care who's feelings get hurt in the end, some deserve it because they never admit to their own mistakes and never realise how badly it can affect someones life and here i am ranting on a fan fiction website (don't mind me he he), because i have no one to turn to, i just lost my best friend, someone i met in year 3, who said they'll be there for me no matter what, he ditched me, yeah i stopped waiting at the bus stop in the morning, but that doesn't automatically stop us from being friends, i never got the chance to even explain or tell him what's going on in my life, i gave him space as a friend because i'm not some self-absorbent person who wouldn't allow his now not best friend have other friend, i mean that shouldn't be my fault that we're no longer friends anymore, that's not fair on me, i tried re-connecting but he wasn't even bothered, he liked hanging out with the cool, self-named 'road-mans', who act hard and act like they can do whatever they want, no, just no, they need to grow up from their issues and know there are other people around here and know that anyone's feelings can get I just reurt in the process of their actions.

i just realised that was a really long paragraph of how my life has been so far, about losing my so called best friend/now former bro, i should just focus on my self and have people chase after me now, i don't care anymore, i'm just going to let things fly and be by them self, my life at home hasn't been the best, i had the worst and some nice moments at home, my mum, yes i love her but the actions she does makes me stressed and doesn't help the fact that sometimes i should have control of my fate, this is my life and i do what i can do, last year for my birthday we didn't do anything, it felt like a depressing, sad day, everyone popped up saying happy birthday, but inside i felt lonely, sad, depressed, i didn't know what to do at that moment, I've tried killing my self before, 7 times actually, my life has been really depressing, and i don't expect many out there to understand me from where i'm coming and if you're reading this still, it makes me very happy, my current situation, i feel lost, like i have nothing to do, nothing to lose, i feel like i'm trapped inside a cage, no lock, nothing, just an empty cage filled with loneliness and tragic moments that have happened, i was born on 25th December 2003, i'm turning 14 soon and i have nothing to do, my grand dad passed away when i turned 9 so that was a surprise birthday 'gift' from god, but i learnt that i can lose people too. Over the period of 3 years, so much has changed, so many people have changed so quickly, it feel impossible to believe this, i feel weird at how different everything went, to those who i used to talk to everyday to those i don't even know anymore, its like an old door just slammed shut on me, kicking me out of 13 years of my life being wasted, religion has always had it out for me, yes i follow Islam, don't judge me because i'm Muslim, i'm still human too, remember, and a child, well teen for a fact, thanks for listening to my rant, hope you enjoyed and not suffer as i have, but also don't make stupid choices like i have made, i may have not said, but i will, sooner or later,

THANKS FOR READING/LISTENING to my rant and speech,

-Sadiqz