Summary: To make music, to share the music with others is his dream. Eren lives that dream, his band is signed and they ride the steady climb to stardom – except somewhere along the line he gets lost, starts to forget what it was that he started making music for. Under the bright lights of the camera, the eyes of the gossip magazines, he starts to fall apart at the seams, in plain view for the world to see…
Main pairing: Levi/Eren
Warnings: Cursing and drug use
Chapter Rating: PG-13 for adult language and controversial themes
Please note that Eren and friends are 21, Levi is older but it won't be discussed till later.
Stop and Stare
At the accidents
*And the stars that bore you*
"Why did you do it?" Levi asks when Eren opens his eyes, stares up at the too bright ceiling. He shifts, twists on the mattress, looks over at the other man. He looks like he hasn't slept, has dark circles under his eyes, is slouching, curled up in his seat.
…pulled up to the bed, as close as possible.
"What?" Eren's voice cracks and his body aches, he doesn't understand. He can hear the steady beep of the machine next to his bed, realizes that it's connected to him, a heart monitor. He stares at it, watches as it counts his heartbeat.
It starts to go up and Eren moves on the bed. "Where am I?" He asks, eyes taking in the I.V. drip next to him, connected to his arm. "What happened?"
Levi is frowning, leans closer and takes his hand. "The hospital." He says, rubs his fingers over the other's knuckles, the red discoloration there.
It matched the bruise Levi has beneath his shirt.
"What?" Eren blinks, eyes still dazed and he stares at the pale man, "What happened?"
Levi doesn't speak, doesn't want to say it. "You…don't remember?" He asks, a tightness in his chest. The brunette just stares at him, looks so different without his piercings in, looks so pale against the colors of his tattoos, against the dragon that swirls up his right arm, the beautifully colored Fairy on his inner left forearm. The goddess, Eren called her, his goddess on the prairie, meant to protect him.
She didn't seem to help this time.
Or maybe she did, Eren was still here with him.
Eren is staring at him, more alert now. He moves to sit up, goes to lift his hand when he realizes it - the cuff, holding him down. He stares down at his hand, looks at the other, at the soft yet sturdy cuffs. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, and he drops back down on the white pillow.
"Levi, what happened…?"
"I had you baker acted."
Slowly, Eren closes his eyes, can feel the tears forming in them. He opens his mouth, means to say something else, but nothing comes out, nothing except. "I'm sorry…"
Levi just squeezes his hand, "Everyone's agreed, and…" He looks away from Eren, from the bright green eyes staring at him, finally looking at him.
He's been waiting for it to happen for so long.
"We want you to go to rehab."
The steady beating of Eren's heart monitor picks up a little, and Levi can feel the young man start to shake, the hand holding his gripping him tighter.
"Levi…"
"The band will be on hiatus until you are mentally capable of performing again."
Eren shakes his head, stares up at the too bright lights, watches them blur as more tears form. "N-no, not that…" He says, closes his eyes. The room is too bright and too real and he misses the ability to not feel, misses the lack sensation.
"I can't go-"
"You have to."
"…Alone…"
The room slips into silence and Levi uncurls from the chair, stands and leans over the brunette, kisses him on the forehead. "I'm coming with, don't worry."
"Thank you…"
"Anything for you."
And he kisses the corner of each eye, wishes that he could take the others pain away.
2000!YEARS
Eren jumps up the steps, two at a time, running down the hall of a shabby apartment complex, converse slipping on the concrete in his haste. He reaches the door to his apartment, fumbles with his keys and unlocks it, flings the door open. It slams into the wall, hard, the door knob making a new hole over a recently plastered one. He stares into the barren apartment, past the dingy kitchen and into the living room.
His best friend and roommate is lying on his back on the floor reading a book. There's a pile of them around him, comic books. The room is empty, save for a television on the floor, empty soda cans and beer bottles strewn about. Eren darts across the room and drops to his knees, one on either side of the young blond man's hips. He leans forward and places a hand on either side of his head, stares down at the back of a book.
"Armin." He says, voice almost shaking with excitement.
"Eren." The smaller male says, flips a page in his comic book.
"Armin!" Eren repeats, stresses the word a little bit more.
The young man beneath him slowly lowers the book, just enough to look up at his friend. "That is my name." He says, used to his friend's antics.
"Armiiiiin!" Eren whines, eyes almost bugging out from his head. The blond frowns, blue eyes narrowing a bit.
"Your hair looks greasy." He says. "When was the last time you showered?"
"Do you remember what today was?" Eren ignores the question, still on the verge of shaking. There's a shuffle of bags behind them, the soft clacking of glass touching. The two turn and see their other roommate standing in the door way holding a six pack of beer, giving them a disgusted look.
"Dude, if you want to be a fag I don't care but please shut the fucking door or do it in the bedroom." The young man says. Armin rolls his eyes in response, nudges Eren with the spine of his book, pushing him back.
"It's not like that Connie." He says, head tilting to the side, too long hair shifting with the movement. "Eren's just freaking out about something."
The brunette stands and stalks across the room, grabs the buzzed-cut man by the shoulders, squeezes them. "Connie!" He says, "Do you remember what today was?!"
Connie scrunches his nose, makes a face, "Weren't you wearing that yesterday?"
"And the day before that." Armin adds from the background, standing up.
"When was the last time you fucking showered man?"
Eren's head drops and he makes this frustrated noise, hands sliding from Connie's shoulders. "The hot water tank is busted you guys know that!"
"Suck it the fuck up." Connie replies, pulls away to shut the door. He glares at the hole in the wall. "Wasn't that fixed?"
"Yeah, Eren just made another." Armin moves to the kitchen, pulls a coke from the small and yellowing fridge, leans against the counter and pops the tab. "He flung it open and ran at me."
"YEAH BECAUSE DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?!" Eren spins, eyes large and arms gesturing.
"Are you shitting me?!" Connie slams the door shut, glares at the taller man. "They're going to start charging us to fix the fucking holes you keep making!"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?!" Eren squawks, turning to face Connie again, arms in the air.
"Your hair looks fucking gross, you are taking a shower tonight."
"FUCK YOU!" Eren snaps, arms dropping. He deflates a little, head hanging and shoulders slumping. "And it's fucking cold." He pouts.
Armin sighs, "Doesn't stop us." He says, "Just suck it up, you'll live." He's given a glare in response that's instantly replaced by the same wild expression as before.
"Today!" Eren beams, "Do you remember what it is?!"
Connie rolls his eyes, walks towards the kitchen and sets the bottles on the middle shelf in the fridge, nudges the coke to the side. He pulls out the left over box of pizza and takes a slice. "No, Eren, we don't know what today is." He says in a mocking tone.
The brunette drops to his knees, raises his arms to the air, "Today was the day I meet with the representative from Legion Records."
The apartment goes silent, Connie's mouth dropping open, half chewed food on full display; Armin's partially drank coke slips to the counter top.
"What…?" The blond breathes out. "Did you say?"
"Legion Records." Eren chimes, staring up at the popcorn ceiling. "Has signed 2000!YEARS."
Connie screams and Armin makes the most unmasculine sound of his life.
"Wait!" Connie says, hand to his chest, pizza in the other. "WE DON'T HAVE AN ACTUAL BASS PLAYER!"
"Eren! Did you tell them that?!" Armin adds, "Mikasa is just our fill in!"
The brunette nods, falls back onto the dingy carpet, arms still above his head. "We have a manager and he wants to meet us tomorrow, to help us set up auditions!"
"We got fucking signed without a real bass player?!" Connie runs to lean over Eren, eyes wide. "Are you fucking with me?"
Eren shakes his head, green eyes large and popping from his head. "SIGNED!" He shrieks from his position. "SIGNED!"
Armin is pacing in the kitchen, back and forth and on the verge of shaking. "Legion?! REALLY?" He said, tone breathy and in awe. "I knew they gave you their card but I didn't realize…"
"I called them." Eren said from the floor, body melting into the carpet, boneless. "And sent a demo and… they liked us!" His back goes rigid and he sits up straight. "Guys you know what this means?!"
"I'M GETTING MY NECK TATTOOED!" Connie screams next to him.
"ME TOO!" Eren jumps up from the floor.
"WAIT!" Armin shouts, walks up to them. "If we're all meeting tomorrow, Eren you are taking a bath. I can't believe you went looking like that!"
"Hot water tank broken!" Eren's shoulders slump as he whines.
"Fuck, dude, we'll just go visit Mikasa, we have to tell her anyways!" Connie shouts as he runs towards the bedrooms. Eren makes a squealing sound, expression slipping into a horrified one.
"Please no!" He calls after his friend. "Ymir hates me!"
"Then don't hit on Christa!" Connie calls from the back room.
"I was drunk!" Eren tries, pouting. "It's not my fault she looked like Armin!" He receives a smack to the back of his head, looks up at the blond man.
"I do not look like a girl!"
"Your hair is the same length as hers now, though." Connie walks back into the living room and dining area, clean clothes in hand. Armin glares at him and goes to get his own.
"FINE!" He snaps, "I'll cut it off!"
"NO!" Eren jumps up and follows after him. "It looks so nice long!" He stands in the doorway to their shared room, hands gripping firmly onto the door frame. "Promise me you won't cut it!"
Armin pulls some clothes out of an old and half broken dresser, a band tee and faded jeans. He turns and glares at Eren, blue eyes narrowing. "I look like a girl." He hisses.
"A hot one though!" Connie calls from the other room.
"SHUT UP!" Armin snaps back.
"Don't cut it!" Eren adds in, only to be glared at again. "Please?" He says, pouting his bottom lip, looking like a puppy. The blond frowns, only for it to slip into a wicked grin.
"Only if you promise me," He says, walking towards his friend, clean clothes in hand.
"Promise what…?" Eren's hesitant because Armin is manipulative and he seems to fall for it easily.
"To take a shower when I ask?"
"Of course! Just don't cut your hair!"
"Good then get some clothes, you're showering at Mikasa's." Armin dips under Eren's arm and leaves the bedroom, smile plastered on his face.
"Dude," Connie says, sitting on the kitchen counter, "That's just, mean."
"Whatever works, whatever works." Armin leans against the counter next to the buzzed man, waits almost a minute before Eren appears, fresh clothes in hand. He gives a half glare to his friends before heading to the door.
Eren's asleep, face half smeared against the back window of Connie's car as they slowly make their way down the street. It's early, really early and the sun has just come up. Armin is in the front seat, hair pulled back in a low pony tail sipping a cup of coffee. He looks back at Eren, grins and takes his phone out.
"I'm getting a picture of this." He says unbuckling his seat belt and turning around.
"Dude, is he drooling? Because if he is, wake his ass up." Connie says, looking in his rearview mirror.
"After I get my shot." Armin leans half over the seat, phone outstretched and in Eren's face. There's a light click before he slides back into place, "Perfect. I'm so using that later." He puts his phone in the picket of his hoodie and picks his coffee back up, wraps his fingers around the wax cup for warmth.
Its cold out, colder than it's been as of late, the beginning of fall setting in.
"How much farther?" Connie asks, shifting in his seat a little.
"Like another three blocks?" The blond looks down at his phone, pulls up the navigation again. "Yeah it's the next light there."
Connie nods, slows the car down getting ready to turn. He hits a bump turning into the parking lot and Eren is smacked against the window in the backseat, let's out an angry hissed curse as he sit's up, rubbing his forehead.
"Fuck, Connie that was just – "
"We're here princess." Armin says, looking back at him with a smile. Eren pouts for a second, unbuckles his seat belt and leans into the front seat, makes a grab at the blond's coffee.
"Give me some of that."
"You should have got your own!" Armin leans forward and out of the way.
"You didn't wake me up!" Eren leans a bit farther forward and Connie slams on the breaks, throwing Eren over the seat. He starts laughing at the pose his friends are in, almost to the point of tears till there's a knock against Armin's window that has him screaming and jumping. Connie just laughs even more as Eren tries to pick himself back up, leans back till he's almost in the back seat like a normal person again. He stares at the window, grins despite the new red spot on his forehead.
"Roll the window down, it's Erwin!"
Armin reaches for the handle, rolls the window down manually.
A rather tall and handsome man smiled down at them. "Good morning, boys." He says in a cool tone that has the three of them practically swooning.
"If you could park over there, I have a lot to discuss with you today."
Connie just nods and Armin looks away after a second, cheeks tinged red. He turns to look at the buzzed man, "Why'd you have to go and do that!" He hisses, "We look like idiots now!"
"He was laughing," Eren adds in, opening his door once the car came to a stop. He stands up before the engine is even off, zips his jacket up a bit more and makes his way to where Erwin is standing, waiting for them.
"Good morning, Eren, you are looking rather…Lively." The man smiles at him, and Eren grins, only to frown a second later at the laugh Connie is making behind him.
"Look, he's glad you showered too."
"Shut the fuck up." Eren snaps, glaring at his friends. Erwin gives a small laugh behind him.
"Come along now, we need to have you sign some papers before we can start the bass player discussion." The man turns and heads into the building. Eren is half a step behind him till his arm is grabbed and Armin whispers into his ear.
"Has he heard our music? He's wearing a bolo tie and cowboy boots."
Eren laughs, tugs his arm free. "Yes he has!" He calls disappearing into the building.
The room is eerily silent as the three of them sit and stare off at the wall, at nothing in particular. Eren has slid so far down in his seat that he's almost on the floor and Connie thinks his neck has to hurt from that angle. Armin has propped his head up with his hand as he leans on the table. His eyes are shut and he appears to be sleeping rather peacefully, which is until the door behind them opens and shuts. Eren doesn't move from his overly relaxed position, just opens his eyes and watches as Erwin sets a stack of papers down on the table in front of them. He smiles as he takes a seat across from them.
"The last thing for today is discussing what you would like in a bass player."
The three nod in reply, watch as the man lifts up one of the papers he set down. It's a flyer, stating a time and date for the auditions. "We'll be holding auditions in hopes that someone around here will meet your band's needs. Considering it's a rather large city I'm sure you'll find someone. I would like to hear from you guys what you're looking for though."
Eren slides back up in his seat, stretches his right arm over his head. "Well, they need to keep up with us?"
Armin nods, "Some of the tempo's we use are a bit, frantic?" He glances at Connie who nods.
"Yeah frantic and frenzied. The guy needs fast fingers."
"I'd prefer a slightly different style from my own playing." Eren adds in, "Like maybe a bit more rhythmic? Since I do punk and hardcore? I'd like something a bit different. Our fill in, is in a goth band, HistoriA! So the new guy playing should be different from ours."
"Mikasa right?" Erwin says, nodding along. "I've heard them, very good vocal range on their singer, Christa."
"Yeah and she's pretty too!" Eren says with a small chuckle only to be elbowed in the ribs by Armin a second later.
"Yeah, Mikasa plays at different tempos and melodies from us, so having someone who can do that and also mesh with our own style would be best." The smaller blond says ignoring the puppy look Eren was giving him.
Erwin nods, turns to look at Connie, "Do you have anything to add?" He asks.
"Not really? I'm pretty cool with their choices. Before Mikasa, we had a bass player that had the same style as Eren and it just didn't work." He gave a small sigh, sitting up in his seat a bit more, shaking his head at the memory.
Erwin nods, "Well if you pass these out I'll be sure to spread it around about the auditions." He stood, signaled for the three of them to follow him. He led them down the hall, to a lower floor. "We have our recording studios down here, which the three of you are free to use, just be sure to schedule your practice time in with the recording secretary." They stop in front of a door, watch as the man pulls a ring of keys out and unlocks it, steps inside.
The room's outfitted with noise cancelling walls and ceiling, the floor carpeted. There are amps pushed neatly off to the side, a microphone put away by the wall. The wires were taped up nicely, set atop the amp they belonged to. Erwin smiles at the three younger men, "We appreciate it if you leave the room as you found it.
"…dude…" Connie says walking over to the drum set in the back of the room. "This shit is expensive." He sat down behind it, ran his fingers over the surface of the drum set.
"That's all I needed to talk to you guys about today, once we have a set bass player for the band, we'll start discussing the studio time needed for a CD."
Eren walks over to the mic and amps, kneels down in front of them and just stares. Armin doesn't venture into the room, just sticks his hands in his pockets.
"Thanks." He says, not looking at Erwin. "We'll promise to do our best."
"I know. Your front man over there has the enthusiasm to go far."
Armin smiles, watches as Eren fiddled around with the amps.
A week later Eren finds himself pacing the floor casually strumming his guitar, listening to the muffled talk Armin was having with Erwin on the other side of the glass in the recording studio, where the sound board was. He sighs and stretches his arms above his head. They'd been in the room since ten that morning, and it was creeping on towards five.
So far they had met with a rather surprising number of bass players, all ranging in abilities.
"I haven't liked any of them so far." Connie says from behind him, casually tapping at the crash cymbal. "Like I don't think any of them clicked?" He looks over at Eren, watches as he plays a soft tune, staring down at his fingers muttering words to himself. He sighs, rolls his eyes and stands up, sets his drumsticks on the set. Connie crosses the room and opens the door to where Armin and Erwin are discussing the auditions so far.
"I'm going for a piss break." He gives a halfhearted salute and leaves the room.
Armin rolls his eyes, his attention drifting towards Eren as he continues to pace back and forth on the other side of the glass. "He'll do that all day if you let him."
"Oh?" Erwin looks at the brunette, wishes he was standing in front of the mic, so he could hear what he was muttering to himself.
"Yeah, he comes up with songs like that." Armin shifts his weight and looks at taller man, "I'm going to get a drink from the vending machine downstairs."
Erwin nods, stands up from where he's sitting before the sound board. "Alright, then it seems like a good time for a break, I'll be back in a moment myself." He walks out of the smaller room, looks over at Eren. "We're going to take a small break, so get yourself a drink or take a trip to the bathroom," He says, earning a simple nod in return. A moment later Eren is left alone in the room.
He sighs and stops pacing, drops his arms and lets the guitar hang from the strap around his neck. Eren tilts his head back, stares up at the lights, listens to them hum in the silence. He kneels down next to the amp his guitar is connected too, turns up the volume just a bit.
Eren runs his pick over the strings, pleased with the volume and sits on the floor – moves to lie on his back. He closes his eyes, crosses his feet at the ankle and starts to play, plucks at the stings, pressing down with his other hand. Within seconds he can feel the words bubbling in his chest, rising up and he doesn't even know what he wants to say, what he's about to sing about.
There's a sharp pitch from beside him, the feedback of an instrument being plugged in.
Eren's eyes fly open and his fingers hesitate for a moment. He stares up at a man with black hair, an undercut pushed to one side. White gauges and an industrial piercing – lips curling up at the corners as his eyes flash, staring down at Eren.
He has a bass hanging around his neck, listens to Eren play for a second before touching the strings on his own. It's almost instant, the rush the brunette gets at the strings the man is playing, the tune he's adding into Eren's. There's no hesitation, no sense of nervousness from the man above him.
Just a steady beat that works well with what he's playing.
"Fuck." Eren breathes out, voice mixing with the two instruments.
Armin is walking down the hall, a coke in hand while talking with Connie as they come around the corner. They can hear it then, the bass and guitar and there's no mistaking Eren's playing. Erwin is standing just out of site of the room, leaning against the wall listening as the two approach him. He raises a hand to his mouth, shushing their questions as they peak in
Connie is almost vibrating next to Armin after a few seconds, hands itching for the drum set. He looks at the small blond next to him, can see his excitement in clear blue eyes. "This one!" He says voice loud enough to creep into the room. The dark haired man glances over at the door, stares at Connie and Armin as he continues to play. Eren follows his line of vision, fingers slowing to a stop after a moment.
"That was…" He looks back at the man standing over him, eyes running over the tattoo sleeve on his left arm, pleased with its appearance.
"Fuck dude – what's your name?" Connie asks stepping into the room. He walks up to the man, eyes practically glittering with excitement.
"That was really cool." Armin adds in, taking a sip of his drink. "No one's been able to mesh with Eren that well today."
"…Eren…?" The man turns and looks down at the brunette on the floor, cool grey eyes scanning over his appearance.
"What's your name?" Eren repeats Connie's question, still lying on the floor.
"Levi."
"Want to be the bass player for 2000!YEARS?"
Levi gives a small smirk, "I believe that's what I came here for." He looks up, over at the doorway, at Erwin as he leans against the door frame.
"Congratulations, you now have a bass player." He says giving a small clap, a knowing smile on his face.
"Welcome to the band."