My first SAO story and I've gone along the line of fourth wall breaking, because it's fun to do sometimes. Oh and in case your curious, this was inspired by the narrator from The Stanley Parable game, so there'll be a few similarities in terms of speaking.

Kirito Versus The Narrator

Poor Kirito, his wish to level up so he could finally clear that bothersome dungeon he was in was denied once again, because of one monster that would be classed as OP forced him to retreat. What would all of his friends say when they find out that he couldn't defeat that one monster, would they think of him less, would they berate him for not taking one of his possible wives along with him, or will he just log out from the game and forget all about it without saying a word?

"Hey!" Kirito exclaimed.

Oh...did I hear something, was the male protagonist trying to say something to me, is he begging for me to give him attention, what could I possibly do?

"You're not exactly helping here!"

There it is again, then it's good to know that this narrator is not going crazy. I am hearing a voice and it is coming from Kirito.

"Ugggggh!" He groaned in frustration.

"Yes yes, what is it Kirito?" I asked him.

"Listen, I know you're the guy who's narrating this story, but could you please try not to rub my face in what I'm doing wrong, thanks."

I thought over this for a full second. "Hmm, and what do you think I am doing wrong?"

"Saying that I'm just a loser or something, I'm sooo not like that!"

"Oh, then do forgive me if I read you incorrectly. Just let me check your profile before I continue."

"Not a chance! All I did was just come up short against a monster, but I'll come back and defeat it next time."

"Are you sure? Because I may make this story tell otherwise."

Kirito then frowned in annoyance as I once again get the better of the character. Deciding not to let this pointless confrontation continue, Kirito travelled all the way back to the Inn, or as he calls it, the safe zone with all the other players who are online. As Kirito sat down and sighed angrily, he took notice of the familiar friends who turned up.

"Kirito!" Silica greeted happily.

"Skraw!" Pina added.

"Hey Silica..." Kirito sighed.

Silica noticed his mood. "What's the matter?"

"Just came back after almost losing a fight with a monster in a dungeon."

"Almost lost, are you okay?"

"It's alright, Silica, at least I'm safe around here with all of you."

Silica smiled. "Yeah, that's true. Just don't push yourself, okay?"

Kirito nodded. "I won't."

"I'll see you later, I'm gonna log out."

Silica and Pina left the Inn before Kirito left as well, walking back to his room that had his game save point, because why not.

"Um, narrator, are you still following me?"

"Yes, that is correct." I responded. "For you see, as the narrator, it is my job to tell the story and if it features your struggles, it makes the story much more interesting."

"Struggling, talking to my friends isn't a struggle, it's nice and simple."

"Well I'm sorry to inform you, but you talking to girls is anything but nice and simple." I cleared my throat. "For example, how many times have you been involved in awkward situations?"

Kirito felt a sweat drop from his head, memories of him being the punching bag when Klein is involved was one kind of memory he would want to forget. Not wanting to answer the question I just gave, Kirito chose to log out of the game and removed the headgear, believing he could get away from the voice of yours truly.

But alas, as he stretched and got out of his bed, he heard the narrator speak once again and now that he was Kauzto and back in the real world, he was ready to blow a fuse.

"You have no idea." Kazuto grunted.

"You are correct." I replied. "I may not know much about you, but that won't stop me from trying to guess your likes and dislikes."

"What I like and dislike?"

"Yes, for example. Would you say that you like fishcakes?"

Kirito had nothing to say, because in his mind, that question was too random for his brain.

"Cause if you don't, is it because you cannot stand the swirls inside and that I'm supposed to believe it?"

He sighed. "I...don't even know where to start with that."

And thus, the question was deflected and the story got back on track. Kazuto then received a video call from Asuna and he answered it immediately.

"Hello?"

"Hi Kazuto, is it me or do you think something strange is going on?" Asuna asked.

Kazuto blinked, holding the phone close. "Yeah, there's this weird guy who won't shut up about the daily lives and it's driving me crazy."

"A weird guy? Who is it?"

"Some guy called the narrator."

Asuna could only open her eyes wide, to think that it was I, the narrator, the one behind such a harmless crime.

"Wait, there's a guy called the narrator and he's in your room?" She asked, trying to make sense of it all.

"Yes." Kauzto answered with a sigh.

"Then you could ask him to leave so that things could get back to normal."

Kazuto shook his head. "I don't think that would work..." It was then that he finally had the idea that didn't occur to him until now. "I know! Maybe I'll try and get in touch with Yui."

"Oh, good thinking. Maybe Yui can help you out. I'll talk to you later, alright? Love you Kazuto."

Kazuto smiled. "Love you too, Asuna." They ended the call.

"Alright narrator, it's time to fight fire with fire." Kazuto said boldly.

"Oh dear..." I sighed. "...are you trying to find a way to burn me?"

"Nah, I'm just going to go back into the game and you're coming with me."

I chose to nod with understanding. "Very well Kazuto, let's go back into the game."

Kazuto put his headgear back on and switching the equipment on, he was back in the virtual world as Kirito once again.

"Yui, are you here?" He asked.

"Daddy!" Yui exclaimed happily, suddenly appearing. "What is it?"

"Yui, there's this guy called the narrator who won't stop following me."

Oh please, this narrator does not deserved to be classed as a stalker.

"The narrator?" Yui asked. "Oh, that must be the voice I've been hearing a lot today. I thought that there was a glitch in the gaming system."

"Yeah, could you please get rid of him for me?"

"I'll try, daddy." Yui then looked at me...or tried to at least for I am just a voice.

"Narrator, you need to stop what you're doing right now, you're scaring the fanbase away." Yui ordered.

I'm afraid that you are misunderstanding the issue. This story needs a narrator and I have to make sure this story has a beginning and an end.

"But you don't need to explain it in every last detail, think of how uncomfortable everyone is."

I can understand, now is it true that you are an artificial intelligence?

"Yes I am, which means that I can do more than the players can. For example, I can contact a team of lawyers to help daddy sue you in court."

Ha ha ha ha! You believe that you can set up this narrator to be sued in court? No such event like that could possibly happen to this narrator.

Suddenly, I heard a door flung wide open behind me.

"Freeze! This is the fourth wall police, hands behind your head!"

Shocked, unable to understand the sudden event behind me, I chose to not fight them, for they were definitely armed.

"Looks like my plan worked." Kirito said happily. "See you in court, mister narrator."

I clicked my tongue, unable to accept that I was foiled...and I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that pesky A.I child!

THE END

As you can see, this is what happens when you drink too much Redbull.

All joking aside, I hope you got a good laugh out of this. ;)