Summary: In which Roy Mustang rants about his relationship with the characters that fans pair him off with.

Pairing/s: Roy/Everyone

Warnings: This would probably contain some yaoi in the future…those who don't like yaoi stories had better take my advice and back away from some pages lest you read something that might potentially traumatize you forever. By the way, this story is still subject to some revisions.

Disclaimer: FMA is not mine…there, I said it. Now, is there really any need to sue me?

Preferences

Chapter 1

Riza Hawkeye

How do you know if you're in-love with a person? No, I'm not talking about loving them. I'm talking about being in love with them. Now you might be sitting there, thinking about the difference between "loving" and "being in love" and to tell you the truth, I'm wondering about it too.

I find it a lot easier to describe "loving" people. You can love anyone and anything in you entire life. You can love your mother and your father, your siblings, your friends, your dog and your house. Heck, you can love chocolates and your job to death and no one would care, but when you're in love it doesn't quite fit to the rest of your obsessions. Obviously you can't be in love with your parents or your dog and it would be really creepy if you were in love with your job. It just doesn't seem to work that way.

See, that's how I feel about Riza sometimes. There's this huge gap between my understanding of being "committed" to her and just being her "friend". She and I have known each other for such a long time, so people have been expecting something to blossom out of the simple friendship we had. The thing is that I don't feel anything for her. Well, ok, maybe I do, but this is precisely the kind of indecision that makes it so hard for me to decide where I want our relationship to go.

Do I want to date her? Do I take it that to the next step and invite her to move in my house? Can I even picture myself spending the rest of my life with her in it?

I have to admit that her company versus that of a random date is so much better. She knew the things that she could and couldn't talk about in front of me.

She knew things—period.

Part of me resented the fact that she knew a lot (about me) and that gave less room for my usually mysterious persona to move around in. Sometimes it's just borderline creepy the way she can read my mind so well, and I swear that woman has eyes on the back of her head.

However, there's a reason why I find myself having this on-and-off crush (there…I said it) on her. First of all, people think that we would look good together, and quite frankly, I agree. I don't think it's necessary to point out just how much of a catch the lieutenant colonel is. Whoever manages to grope her ass without getting shot would be one lucky bastard. Once in awhile, I think of how I would get to the point where I could get away with not signing papers and still manage to not get shot, also; Thus bringing me a tiny-bit closer to that groping ass fantasy. I digress. My main point is that, I know she's attractive, and I know that I'm drop-dead gorgeous. We would go together like fries and ketchup (or mayonnaise…depending on your specific, uhm, preference).

Personality-wise, I can sum it all up in three words: She is awesome. Her sharp skill when it comes to guns is, no pun intended, to die for, unlike me who couldn't shoot for shit. Not that you would know, of course. You've never really seen me shoot anything, and I'm telling you...the Rockbells do not count.

Her fierce loyalty and her protectiveness also catch me off-guard at times. Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, paperwork or no paperwork…you can bet that she's there. She's not a Hawkeye for no reason, you know. It's her kind of loyalty that I value above all the others. That and her strong gut which comes in handy whenever I need a ride home from a pub, piss drunk, in which I usually throw up all over her uniform afterwards. There are times when she's the only one who agrees in becoming my guinea pi--I mean taste tester-- when I decide to cook because I'm too lazy to walk up to the phone and dial the nearby deli to make me some nice stew. I'll have you know that I am a very bad cook. Raw fish would taste so much better than my cooking. Hell, uncooked stray cats would taste better than my cooking!

Bless her heart.

Oh, and did I mention that one particular event when she had to dress up like me and go on a date with a general's daughter? Yes, she actually went through it all knowing full well that the brat would actually complain to her father if I didn't show up which would result to my being…

I don't know whether the consequence would have been being removed from the military or demoted from my position. Then there's always the possibility that, as punishment, the general would've slated me for a painful castration to ensure that I will never bed another woman ever again. To this day, I still shudder at the thought.

Why, you might ask, did I not go myself? I would like to think that I "cancelled" out on that date for a noble cause. Unfortunately, the real cause involved tons of alcohol, women, and some cold pizza (don't ask).

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah…it's amazing how much she has dedicated she towards me and my cause, although she doesn't seem too gung-ho about the mini-skirt uniform idea for the women. I told her that the first prototype of the uniform will be hers to wear, but apparently that idea did not look too good with her.

Well, all in due time. She'll see the light one of these days.

Author's note: Criticisms are much appreciated.